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Home » I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson » S01E01 — Has This Ever Happened To You?

I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson

Season 1, Episode 1 — Has This Ever Happened To You?

TMDB episode metadata
Show: I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson
Episode title: Has This Ever Happened to You?
Air date: April 23, 2019
Directors: Akiva Schaffer, Alice Mathias
Top billed cast: Tim Robinson
An awkward exit at a job interview. A very specific legal problem. Things get ugly at the "Baby of the Year" contest. A gift receipt causes stress.
Source: TMDB
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Obviously, I'd love to work for you,
loveobviously
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and I appreciate you taking the time to meet with me.
appreciatemeet
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I... I feel good about it. I hope I didn't do too much talking.
hope
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No, you were great.
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You were great. [giggles]
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-I hope to hear from you soon. -We'll be in touch.
hopetouch
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Really nice meeting you.
meeting
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Nice to meet you as well.
meet
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Okay.
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[door clicks]
clicksdoor
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Oh!
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63fa02e1-1f91-479b-8d69-d977e94cba7b.gif
Looks like you push.
push
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Oh, it does both.
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f78c1664-f161-466d-ac2e-4335df030b97.gif
-What? -It does both.
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I was here yesterday, and it actually goes both ways.
waysyesterday
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Oh, okay.
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Okay, see you.
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[menacing music playing]
musicmusic-playingplaying
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[creaking]
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[creaking]
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[grinding]
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[creaking continuing]
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[loud creaking]
loud
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[climactic music building]
buildingmusic
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[man] See?
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Hope to hear from you soon.
hope
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["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]
breakheartplaying
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628fc3be-5799-431f-be25-3bd811589c8b.gif
Have you been the victim of unfair treatment by a business or a corporation?
business
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dabf3000-0424-45e6-a246-d44f7b159e0a.gif
Has this ever happened to you?
happened
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01a16e6d-066a-4c36-b29c-de78715f23fd.gif
You bought a house, it was not disclosed to you
boughthouse
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that there was a termite infestation in the walls and in the moldings,
walls
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so you have to take it upon yourself
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to call your own termite extermination company,
company
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but when the guys show up,
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7cff0c7f-3cce-4c9b-8e77-a638f690ebd2.gif
they immediately ask if they can use your bathroom,
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then for over two hours, they take turns going in and out of there,
hours
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taking huge mud pies and over-flushing?
huge
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Then they go in there together,
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and you hear a bunch of scrounging around,
bunch
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and then you hear a bunch of yelling,
bunch
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and one of them is standing in the bathroom doorway shouting at you
shouting
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that his friend's foot's stuck in the toilet,
friendstoilet
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and he says, "Help him! You got to help him!"
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And when you go in there to help him,
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he just pulls it out easily and laughs 'cause his foot wasn't stuck.
footlaughs
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It wasn't stuck at all, he was just faking it.
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And then they get really serious and say, "It's Turbo time!"
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And they both start running around the house as fast as they can
fasthouserunningstart
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and jumping over the couches.
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But when you try and jump in, they yell at you and they say,
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"You're not part of the Turbo Team! Don't run!
partteam
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You don't run with us! We're the ones who run!
ones
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Until you're part of this Turbo Team,
partteam
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walk... slowly!"
walk
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So you go and lay down to be by yourself and read your art books,
booksread
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but then the next day, you went into the bathroom,
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and it looked like the hole in your toilet had shrunk.
holelookedtoilet
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"How could that be? There's no way they could have shrunk the toilet."
toilet
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But then you saw in the trash
trash
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dc1f6bff-b43a-4983-a557-1c0b61e29d1e.gif
a receipt from Home Depot
home
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for a toilet the exact same size as yours,
toilet
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but with a joke hole that's just for farts!
hole
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They replaced your real toilet with a fart toilet,
realreplacedtoilet
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and now you can't take a dump in your house
dumphouse
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'cause your toilet can't suck 'em down,
toilet
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and you feel sick to your stomach!
sickstomach
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Has that ever happened to you?!
happened
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Call me right now, please.
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["Blending Soul" by Soul Blenders playing]
playing
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a0512c1c-403b-4bd9-b10d-45dc116b96ce.gif
[applause]
applause
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71eedd16-3d46-4dc5-8c37-551636105d4f.gif
[crooning] ♪ Who will be the Baby of the Year? ♪
baby
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0af93034-d5dc-4101-9f21-9fc97f7e967c.gif
[in hard rock style] ♪ Look at their toes ♪
hardstyle
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a4867356-4ddc-4892-8033-085f002005e8.gif
♪ Which ones will move? ♪
ones
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48480b41-d594-4394-bdd8-3f5b185c9ce9.gif
[cheering and applause]
applausecheering
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d3dc6c44-35b0-4c09-8de3-04462a5a19d8.gif
[host] Thank you.
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21b06972-bd39-4568-afd2-70bbdb9d7e58.gif
Welcome back.
welcome
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It's been a grueling three months,
monthsthree
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but we've narrowed it down
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d9f08a39-fe7e-4166-83f3-3b5d2f6619a2.gif
-to three chubby little babies. -[applause]
applausethree
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From Salisbury, North Carolina, Michael Patrick Porkins.
michael
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89cd130e-ee21-4610-847b-071be6b0a44b.gif
[cheering and applause]
applausecheering
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f8eb54fb-2ecf-48fd-b3f1-e4cc4c2c1f7b.gif
From Luverne, North Dakota,
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fb028634-c5cc-4246-aabf-3e1f8b7253e6.gif
little Taffy Lee Fubbins.
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2452ccc2-3496-40fb-bf57-c58598c7aa49.gif
[applause]
applause
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82411942-f975-4715-9463-871fc921e5cb.gif
And the bad boy of the competition, Bart Harley Jarvis.
bad
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ef90672e-9f15-442b-af60-9f6dc6c52eef.gif
-[hard rock music playing] -[audience booing]
hardmusicmusic-playingplaying
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c234d285-3ea3-43c6-ad31-9a8c49b699dd.gif
Fuck you, Harley Jarvis!
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cec12f3b-fedb-46ca-a67d-897c94232e5b.gif
-[booing] -Fuck you, Harley Jarvis!
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9ec8d536-aff5-4630-9c0b-ff7d7e48fc8f.gif
Get her out! Goddamn it!
goddamn
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[clears throat]
clearsclears-throatthroat
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Judges, do you need any more information to help with your decision?
information
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a851a9d5-cd76-4cce-9fdb-2c4da041f623.gif
I have firmly made up my mind.
mind
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I would like more information.
information
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5db22262-2eda-4e76-88f0-de3646d999f7.gif
-I'm a wreck right now. -I understand.
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This is a hard decision.
hard
↓
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Let's hear once again from the babies' pediatrician.
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00c6cc36-2db6-4889-b811-1a0137733ebf.gif
[applause]
applause
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fa441ecf-97a1-4aa5-b4a1-aa93782f3c1c.gif
[clears throat]
clearsclears-throatthroat
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d38b7dcf-266b-48cc-a28a-cfc3a398d60b.gif
Baby Porkins is 99th percentile
baby
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91099786-4a70-4ae7-ba36-b6c503de089e.gif
in weight and 10th percentile in height.
height
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5defc7f6-ccfe-4b15-a652-1f1c2f07f2cb.gif
[host chuckles]
chuckles
↓
1186d434-0572-424a-92e0-3e0e785c62d5.gif
We got a certified chode on our hands.
hands
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d5f54c8a-a8b7-4473-8281-16df92688594.gif
Little tuna can.
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2303b877-e273-4338-8682-69b441aa80a1.gif
Baby Fubbins is also 90th percentile in weight.
baby
↓
94acd744-f679-46d7-8de9-955f41d45e23.gif
Ooh! Another chode.
another
↓
1222060e-83ce-4289-874b-2b5a70036165.gif
Mr. Jarvis is one of the most aggressive babies I've ever met.
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8cd9e7b0-d0b5-4db2-829c-5f6b37d85165.gif
-[audience booing] -He has a massive underbite
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92af530a-07a2-4ee2-b8a6-7e568359ad33.gif
and completely flat back of the head.
head
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ad44fd4e-6629-41ea-9c07-1cba91faf39d.gif
I hope you fucking die, Harley Jarvis!
hope
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fd664d86-f8d9-4e62-a027-4340f6554359.gif
Get... him... out of here!
↓
b1f7017c-cf40-42ac-9b47-45717df0d610.gif
I'm honestly done. I don't want to read anymore.
anymoreread
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Yeah. Don't let it ruin your day, okay? You're still a great doctor.
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a82f4078-8cf7-40c4-978f-6cbfd3b6bcd2.gif
All right, judges, do you need more time?
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c3ea8966-ea3c-4b10-b355-e322ff44c6a7.gif
It's Porkins by a mile.
↓
026ac23b-15cb-4edf-8f39-31196036497e.gif
-[applause] -The button nose, the apple cheeks...
applause
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49d9a2cb-548c-47f1-87e4-c8fdcc10fe41.gif
He's the best baby.
babybest
↓
09d98699-a597-4d30-8b83-77bab6fc412c.gif
If Taffy Lee Fubbins isn't the Best Baby of the Year,
babybest
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8fe29f33-f27f-4b7f-990f-697f814336e2.gif
I'll kill myself on live TV.
killlive
↓
5950aaa7-fd95-4bd1-af79-446ecdbc6b4c.gif
Stop saying that.
↓
f07cfdc6-a522-425f-b578-8c6413664b76.gif
All right, that... That's it.
↓
a00a44a3-359d-415f-916c-93ba818a3128.gif
I have to get this off my chest.
↓
7976ced4-5392-4b7d-a2ba-e5942d4f0472.gif
"Earlier today, when I was waiting to use the private bathroom,
todaywaiting
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831aaef3-5ec8-4257-b2a5-fbb3c53163a3.gif
I witnessed Michael Patrick Porkins' father
michael
↓
a5802748-339c-469f-8e60-63fc1720ac07.gif
performing oral on the mystery judge of the competition."
↓
79039306-103d-48c6-a788-0b62f076ce9e.gif
[audience clamoring]
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94504c45-7773-4ad2-88de-61b1fc1a9be0.gif
"I've been conflicted about whether to say anything,
↓
f8152310-431a-4d86-acbd-0e9fae0ed052.gif
because I feel like Michael Patrick Porkins
michael
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748f843b-aa84-4fe8-b7a4-e0ba23c4fbeb.gif
could win it even without the oral.
↓
d3053f7f-a06e-4c69-b1c3-ed0456a96276.gif
His father didn't need to do the oral."
↓
fc52c9c1-55a8-4c06-9891-7208e22e4bbc.gif
And that is why this is so tough...
tough
↓
8fb977be-6c31-4e8c-96eb-e9707e4c83be.gif
for me to tell about the oral.
↓
86b36d35-467b-47ff-8c90-722f56e798ae.gif
Oh, man, that's a bummer.
↓
93f93d5f-482f-4909-894a-2b1c6eb762ac.gif
Might fuck this whole thing up.
mightwhole
↓
bb804d9e-02cd-4ae3-b3ed-cffe636bcd46.gif
While the judges make their decision,
↓
36282d62-ceb6-4871-bb30-c7309f4ddfc6.gif
let's watch our In Memoriam segment.
watch
↓
8d6de811-3e08-41d2-8f81-2fc099ab6ece.gif
Oh, no.
↓
459033ec-690d-4c00-9c33-2a21c797aab0.gif
Calm down, they're old ones. They don't stay babies forever, idiot.
calmforeveridiotones
↓
5c95b2b9-c285-4aef-ab20-1aea027d5786.gif
-[gentle acoustic music playing] -Fucking stupid asshole.
musicmusic-playingplayingstupid
↓
c81b3c04-c5df-4655-8834-99e5c274587d.gif
Little Denny Doo Dinkins,
↓
eddf9f1e-88b3-46b0-9113-bf5c404983d3.gif
92, respiratory failure.
↓
80ad9247-d6c0-4e28-9988-c4e2df42b5e9.gif
Shirley Cratsworth Shane,
↓
c559451a-7db4-4a35-9dc1-0e5dfdfb338c.gif
78, car crash.
↓
d7f5864b-78ee-4342-8df7-d5b5ae6a7837.gif
In Memoriams don't usually include how they died.
usually
↓
14a7ec22-a0d0-42ea-b1f2-d23551c76c32.gif
Shut up.
↓
d6224c4c-dd57-4936-b1f6-4ff790a11f99.gif
Little Jeffy Jeremy,
↓
03ea2e34-c5af-471e-9853-fc442f961b98.gif
96, throat slashed.
throat
↓
232e6aff-9124-4b0b-8957-13285e1c5bd9.gif
God.
↓
08a8eca7-d2f7-4008-bb61-cdc612bb1bb8.gif
-[glass shatters] -[woman screaming]
screamingwoman
↓
b9947ebe-00fc-4bad-9fde-3ca80bde5895.gif
Someone get her! She's trying to get Jarvis!
↓
65af4c08-b67f-4ae3-a7f3-e6893c8d054b.gif
All right, you know what? This is dumb. Dump it. Trash it. This one's garbage.
dumponestrash
↓
38f6ae9f-b46e-486a-b750-465a90de402c.gif
Tiny Dinky Daffy,
↓
eb068b29-291d-4d2f-85bd-e5297af7dd86.gif
92, pancaked by drunk dump truck driver.
dumptruck
↓
0dae1efd-2906-4869-adc3-ce05a16a6828.gif
["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]
breakheartplaying
↓
d2141a46-70d3-43c5-b147-b165e3dcfabb.gif
-[camera clicks] -Let me see it.
clicks
↓
4ad8f8e8-021a-48f5-980e-306541bade9c.gif
-Oh, yeah, that's good. That's great. -Thank you.
↓
6c94acef-09f2-497d-ab3d-a102f1bc76d6.gif
-Thank you. Is it cute? -Yeah, so cute.
cute
↓
3615c785-4d5a-4842-8b62-a6124f33ecd8.gif
-Send it to me. -Me too.
send
↓
8bcf513b-0181-43da-ac70-dc30d8b0e7b8.gif
Yeah, okay. Sending now.
↓
3a87b307-a1a7-41c0-92d4-e56582a55ed6.gif
Okay.
↓
b8d545af-87ba-4de5-8dbb-8a20e5917942.gif
Look what I just posted.
↓
b6b3dc4d-1239-44c1-b5d4-0b1c51b43fba.gif
"Brunch with these two dumdums."
↓
eb1f9344-bab9-4233-bd19-c1af0b2ad87c.gif
[woman 2] Oh, my gosh, so good.
goshwoman
↓
62ca1331-93c7-4bf9-ac4e-5e44d1b60134.gif
Is this good? I said, "Sunday funday with these idiots."
↓
cec41133-6863-446d-a8cf-6fb6341fccd6.gif
-Yeah, that's good. That's great. So cute. -So cute.
cute
↓
2bcd5ee6-97cf-4a62-b0da-5453669243a7.gif
Okay, okay, so cute. Look what I just posted.
cute
↓
29b0a330-5d18-4afd-b666-6ff9f22dac93.gif
"Eating crap with these sacks of shit.
eating
↓
a32da409-36d4-41ee-ada9-246c30c91844.gif
If they died tomorrow, no one would shed a tear."
tomorrow
↓
9dac22b5-89d3-4d8c-9614-fbde14d712cc.gif
So cute?
cute
↓
6aa4e31e-e965-4bf5-98f6-befd561c35cb.gif
Wait, what the hell?
↓
50f50c70-ce94-47f4-a9af-5a0cd7d67dfa.gif
Well, you called me a dumdum, and she called me an idiot, so...
calledidiot
↓
34e2f62c-3767-4ba3-a697-7addca384515.gif
Yeah, when you post a pic of yourself where you look really cute,
cutepost
↓
c267406a-c606-46d2-a0cd-911992e7d488.gif
then you have to say something self-deprecating
↓
d9ded96c-e716-4bd0-abc5-a770db27120a.gif
so it doesn't look like you're just bragging.
↓
aa06afff-3028-4b3c-9cb5-d6d7f2cf45ac.gif
Oh! Okay... got it.
↓
feddce50-f8a6-4efb-b94b-4372a21a5d95.gif
-Sorry. -Yeah.
↓
ff8896a7-271c-42c5-aa4f-d3538c3717c4.gif
-[clears throat] All right, this is good. -Okay.
clearsclears-throatthroat
↓
0b2c3484-e37b-4ebc-9e35-b78be7f5ee9a.gif
"Slapping down some pig shit
↓
9591249c-070a-45c7-874f-fe5783a7e6d3.gif
with these fat fucks, and I'm the fattest of them all.
↓
77ffe352-b8f7-4ff1-8db1-3223a02f3f43.gif
If I died tomorrow, no one would shed a tear.
tomorrow
↓
401476f2-1e1f-4408-895b-0e2df2745434.gif
Load my fricking lard carcass into the mud.
↓
09bac3a3-d154-4bd6-ae88-7e2d837cf255.gif
No coffin, please, just wet, wet mud...
↓
e70a910f-4aeb-4205-9c93-6a8593585d6d.gif
bae."
↓
221d3343-cbc9-4925-8d6e-5bbc372be46d.gif
Jesus, Brenda...
↓
e4802d12-f443-4542-817b-40af7053a463.gif
-You called me a dumdum. -Right, it's like a term of endearment.
calledterm
↓
7bb174e3-5054-42be-89ad-9c6e79cdfad4.gif
Okay. All right. I got you.
↓
b8c72e90-3b22-48e2-8dcb-c2aaf32ee209.gif
-Okay. -Okay.
↓
3d5cbd32-2833-49e7-9f6b-7543358ab7e5.gif
"Gulping down some pig dicks with these bags of meat.
↓
07d149a8-bb8e-448d-9e46-59dd8d21eeaf.gif
Sunday funday with these pig dicks.
↓
75271939-8a63-4504-bb74-4b631c5611bb.gif
Hope nobody gulps us."
hopenobody
↓
29feb456-77a3-4a66-ac9e-43a4a32322ba.gif
So are we the pig dicks or the bags of meat?
↓
5fdae2b0-bda6-4bc1-8198-2711ad3de242.gif
Let me try another.
another
↓
8f40a3dc-425b-44d2-9615-9bcf423d2bb8.gif
"Slurping down fish piss with these wet chodes.
fish
↓
1d1f6822-76e2-4526-9359-979ee9e26997.gif
Total tuna cans. Put a bullet in their fucking brains
↓
9d93cc69-cf58-4e80-864c-b356c1c35452.gif
and leave their wet bodies on the side of the road.
↓
67105c9f-1af2-4053-82d7-84254d7190ed.gif
Boo caught me sleeping."
caught
↓
b78ee88b-3cd5-4df0-a509-fa308a0028b7.gif
You're not sleeping.
↓
dcc54b87-b935-4272-af7f-8e4b655213c7.gif
-Okay, let me try another one. -Okay.
another
↓
120167be-8107-4e5b-a7dc-427a739f6231.gif
"Sitting here with two bona fide pieces of hog shit."
sitting
↓
495d061c-5fe0-41e3-af89-718787e329f7.gif
-No. -[woman 2] Basically the same thing.
woman
↓
1505d821-fb5f-475f-b4df-af90570a24b1.gif
"They're mad 'cause I won Best Hog at the hog shit snarfing contest,
best
↓
4658543f-2f13-4b26-9348-c55cdcd3af30.gif
but I'm not mad, 'cause we're all loads of beef,
↓
63f055a0-473c-450d-b19f-ef4e2a006062.gif
sitting on the side of a highway
sitting
↓
c73beef6-2ae5-402d-9549-7cc75e4848d3.gif
getting our butts sucked by flies."
↓
c8900ebd-53cf-4814-8f5e-cf13f19b74e4.gif
-I tagged you both in that. -Why?
↓
090d82c2-9bb7-4e64-9485-3a39ddf26c74.gif
Why are you guys bullying me?
↓
73239a9e-8612-4fa6-94a5-838da64f1d4f.gif
All right, I'm gonna...
↓
687e1127-359f-4647-a87c-01eac3635fde.gif
-Maybe I'll go for this. -That could be a good one.
↓
059651b8-cf26-4b5d-b234-a0399c819c7e.gif
-Is this you? -Yeah.
↓
7cd1cabe-d94f-4465-95be-57d79150d445.gif
Oh, my... This is perfect.
perfect
↓
6ad0d856-c72a-4028-a9f4-df23c5033094.gif
Babe, we were just talking about
↓
aa641da7-e015-4fba-9d5f-2b47f995f404.gif
how we needed a new salt and pepper shaker set. Remember this?
neededremember
↓
c212e32b-abe7-48c4-b985-44faa36b0ae3.gif
-Thank you. This is incredible. -[woman] I'm so glad you like it.
gladincrediblewoman
↓
b4947e21-149c-471f-a92c-762d1ab74dfc.gif
There's a gift receipt in case you want to get something that's...
case
↓
3ef3c0d4-f754-4dc2-8aca-32e2f9530283.gif
Won't need it, 'cause this is perfect.
perfect
↓
c6b4b193-383c-44ee-a241-fdb676739802.gif
-Thank you. -Happy birthday.
birthdayhappy
↓
243278a3-be11-48cd-a2e5-82173c0ac323.gif
[man] Thank you.
↓
c9f12549-de12-4e52-8d1d-7a1c0caa2ed9.gif
That one's mine. I forgot to put my name on it.
forgotnameones
↓
fa783a82-1a42-4f38-81e5-8d6561ebbf83.gif
Cool, all right.
cool
↓
6bbc8d74-fabf-445a-a8b6-db635c77c530.gif
-Cool. -[gift giver] Yeah, it's a wreath.
cool
↓
67f06815-2cdd-453a-9996-6ac9ff192f0a.gif
The guy at the store said he has the same one.
store
↓
af0b31f8-626c-4511-b1dc-c4e4c24164f6.gif
He said it works great.
works
↓
9a935525-748e-4e96-bd07-1572eb225634.gif
-Thank you so much, Lev. -Yeah, there's a gift receipt in there
↓
0aedcbae-a6e0-437b-8f06-77fffb7cc754.gif
if you want to exchange it for something that's more you.
↓
0ba5d796-5f03-47a4-bd73-74435fc87375.gif
Okay, cool. Thanks.
coolthanks
↓
d3165f66-8584-4cf7-93a8-9c6830ff8897.gif
But you like it?
↓
610ac2da-079b-4653-9e1e-4f2cf3b77c82.gif
I like it, Lev.
↓
4eb679ee-8703-4f51-a1be-9cebf72cf52a.gif
Great.
↓
89160c74-2eaf-4e0c-b43f-694fab9a8138.gif
Then give me back the receipt.
↓
43065018-412f-4e30-98a6-7700133a15f2.gif
What?
↓
a82162cc-068f-44fa-9ffe-3a4d12084cdd.gif
Prove it.
↓
8a26fbbb-7760-4781-8d54-f17b2b054f0d.gif
You said you like it.
↓
aa9ee0bc-f868-4b14-a4b2-88e1e81b0c9d.gif
Give me back the gift receipt.
↓
d063835f-5e7c-498a-b31f-2775cae246fd.gif
You don't need it anymore.
anymore
↓
50355224-0a69-4ee8-a382-371a6cde7f71.gif
-Lev, he likes the gift. -Then he doesn't need the gift receipt.
likes
↓
4ee0b61e-4d01-43fd-b5fc-2040218d94b6.gif
I'm just gonna put all this stuff together
stuff
↓
d7b88ab8-19b9-4d34-88df-3bb35caeac35.gif
in the same pile over here, if that's cool?
cool
↓
ae69d4f7-f32c-45e4-b034-c6b8b0438852.gif
Okay.
↓
0630b39c-5047-4393-891d-0db3f84e7446.gif
Ooh! I think I know who this is from.
↓
1973aa23-5743-49e9-a36d-4f675fe71efb.gif
If you love it as much as you say you do,
love
↓
f3c74ffa-7607-4707-99e5-fd1ae285d050.gif
and as much as you have been saying...
↓
05b52d64-421a-4b86-868d-17d220bca326.gif
then it shouldn't be a problem if I take the receipt back.
problem
↓
6d85ce3a-82c3-40fa-999f-9838f983620f.gif
Okay.
↓
66f0888e-198e-4874-8613-9f7adf5d331f.gif
Yeah.
↓
1e1e676c-59a1-4bbf-9784-1fb3f85428d1.gif
Here you go.
↓
14a80f54-3fb0-4b35-8957-9359704e4bbe.gif
Jesus.
↓
b4d8deba-7f11-461c-8cda-e93def0a1e31.gif
-Glad you like it. Happy birthday. -Thanks.
birthdaygladhappythanks
↓
84dcac27-c5c9-4a5e-b1d2-983bdefe172c.gif
Um, let... Let me open... Who...?
open
↓
d21e6245-e122-4f57-9897-1afe6955a24d.gif
-Oh, that one's ours. -All right.
ones
↓
a8fc3bdb-914d-4ddc-8577-164b10ff302a.gif
[laughs]
laughs
↓
ca428c08-d06b-4c66-8352-7417b8b65d5c.gif
Are you serious? Firefighter pugs?
↓
e8e22e18-886c-4975-b88d-b75cdb8e6348.gif
Honey, we got to put this up on our fridge.
fridgehoney
↓
8633b272-0025-4dd4-982b-ecafe36a61f0.gif
This is incredible!
incredible
↓
a6215090-f88d-4a8c-a002-a01fc5022843.gif
-We just thought it was cute. -And you'd be fine if I ate it?
cute
↓
da75dcde-bc9b-444c-8bb1-2c738da35023.gif
-Huh? -The gift receipt.
↓
1a2ef3ee-c465-4f7d-aa60-52d3c5aa9b69.gif
You'd be fine if I ate it?
↓
54a374eb-d6bf-4547-8ff2-d2b7ea483678.gif
Why would you eat it?
↓
122e50d5-7ae3-4795-ac90-0af9b6ec393f.gif
You said you liked the gift.
liked
↓
f17b162d-8e8a-4dea-9641-63a5a749f497.gif
So you wouldn't have any qualms
↓
56b7ba9b-9f84-4dce-af8b-0749723a0d7d.gif
if I ate the gift receipt and it didn't exist anymore.
anymore
↓
84fffa11-41c4-4549-aed4-8ec9e8109b62.gif
Right, Rick? Right, Melissa?
melissarick
↓
4a0c97c8-21ef-48cc-a115-296e9b28bd3e.gif
Uh... I don't have any qualms.
↓
3072b5e9-d1ce-485b-a82d-c98a8a1dc6c6.gif
You can eat it if you like.
↓
f01879bb-a02c-4adf-85a8-d4c8ad0bd68d.gif
Awesome.
↓
5ce9cfa8-0a55-4023-8695-f4c0f6518eb8.gif
Down the hatch, bon appétit.
hatch
↓
c947364f-6c1a-401e-83c3-227d7cff6d7d.gif
[Melissa] Should we open another gift?
anothermelissaopen
↓
9e218016-a0ea-4607-98f2-1e42fdb5875f.gif
Ye... Yes.
yes
↓
68ccfb14-f60c-419a-837a-5191dcf9a1a2.gif
[chuckles] Yes.
chucklesyes
↓
880731e1-8c2a-4135-937a-6b7c4713c096.gif
Uh, okay, how about this one?
↓
43b3d88b-2b3c-4a44-9913-53ba041edaeb.gif
I think I know what's in this one.
↓
4774f3e0-3861-4538-b62f-44d8583c73ec.gif
Oh, whoa!
whoa
↓
daf3d249-ecdb-4d5e-a7f4-3dec1ef6670d.gif
Hey! I just heard an interview of this guy!
heard
↓
e2ae80bf-7dce-4835-9cf5-b925d8e16f8c.gif
This is so interesting. Thank you.
interesting
↓
07be8797-5830-431e-a86d-d82f12bedb82.gif
[Lev] I hate to do this,
hate
↓
c11e9223-a1cc-4ec0-9d53-6e077369a176.gif
but I'm afraid our gracious host didn't wipe properly.
afraid
↓
7e9e1cfb-c552-45b2-82f3-3c47e6a92f2e.gif
What are you talking about?
↓
12fda88c-2451-4cd9-a3d3-0dd18de3ddcd.gif
When you went to the bathroom earlier to do the mud pie...
↓
426904c5-8fac-4214-97b8-b1a330c075c3.gif
you must have used
mustused
↓
077fe4b9-13c0-496f-8648-eb1247658c09.gif
too small of a slice of toilet paper when you wiped,
papertoilet
↓
5d29cbfd-23df-4084-b9fe-ffba2d5a29bd.gif
and you got mud pie on your hands,
hands
↓
1c72299b-41e1-4aab-9d80-c459e7ee35bc.gif
and then you touched the receipt,
↓
33c1f4e4-8754-46bf-b863-c1292eff8b54.gif
and then I ate the receipt,
↓
b2b5132d-e923-4d5f-bad9-3ea6166203fb.gif
-and now I'm sick off of your mud pie. -What the hell are you talking about?
sick
↓
3af87f18-5297-4dd1-ba27-7c37df6e3729.gif
You're probably sick 'cause you ate paper, you fricking psycho.
papersick
↓
3f5e6fe6-9142-4b7c-9c10-61eeda41f3dc.gif
No, I eat paper all the time!
paper
↓
26f8463a-9521-4299-b0f4-7de3b8607f6f.gif
What I don't like to make a habit of doing
↓
d56df030-3eb9-4989-b639-1ee3726c0e0e.gif
is eating mud pie!
eating
↓
c359abb0-be95-4500-9452-9968201922d3.gif
Why do you even eat paper?! That doesn't even make sense!
paper
↓
2ecb9f36-4538-464c-bcae-cbc77ff0813e.gif
Okay, you guys, calm down! This is insane!
calm
↓
9214ef67-f1d4-4c80-9404-26a9cd8b43d0.gif
There's a simple solution to this.
simplesolution
↓
e6e3395e-e81f-4201-9998-f00b018b9216.gif
Jacob hasn't touched my gift receipt because he likes my gift.
jacoblikes
↓
91f8a1d2-6315-4182-aa3b-0e02c657558b.gif
So we just have someone else eat my gift receipt
↓
27e6aef7-36f9-41dc-8f09-4fc1900612a7.gif
-and see if they get sick. -But it can't be Jacob,
jacobsick
↓
949f590a-529e-451c-9661-3018e3f57b2d.gif
'cause he's gonna pretend he's not sick even if it's caked in pure shit.
sick
↓
d0b1bba5-ee7c-424c-b821-370c4ec20987.gif
[Melissa] I'll do it.
melissa
↓
2457557c-0869-4b60-a8c3-696831ac61c8.gif
I'll eat the receipt to solve the problem.
problem
↓
d9d008fb-a19b-4cb2-a96b-1b8a70e1efd8.gif
And Jacob doesn't touch it!
jacobtouch
↓
6c3e0007-0385-4107-bcb7-ae897b196729.gif
[woman] That's right. And if Melissa gets sick,
melissasickwoman
↓
2562bc75-2576-4dcf-b249-28a543b01f4c.gif
then that means that paper makes you sick.
makespapersick
↓
9a81f983-7e65-485a-b0c6-e456089a5990.gif
But if Melissa doesn't get sick,
melissasick
↓
caaebd63-d4fc-4d63-8659-af0618b27988.gif
then that means Lev ate the mud pie.
↓
4b272488-3033-43b2-be29-8fad2e445d5d.gif
There is no mud pies, okay?
↓
26f357f2-39f4-4cbd-837f-1c9dc643e6ec.gif
And I genuinely like the gifts.
↓
479e3666-522d-4ed4-8bce-5f915d4067e9.gif
Swear to fucking God?
↓
f2a303b6-bfcc-478d-834b-6164de9d19f9.gif
Yes.
yes
↓
3f30498d-27ea-4b6c-b5b5-3ef8acce9975.gif
Then let my wife eat the fucking receipt.
wife
↓
75855957-f7bd-4ef5-a5fc-f6aec363924d.gif
[murmuring]
↓
8896fc4d-f72e-4d6d-b183-92804693c567.gif
Oka... Okay.
↓
582a6802-eee9-42bc-89b6-6381e7a8a1b7.gif
I am now sanitizing my hands. I have not gone to the bathroom yet today.
handstoday
↓
8bac49c6-e66b-4a77-af91-4f72c787ad65.gif
I took a shower last night after I took a piss and shit.
night
↓
70e3cfff-3c7d-421b-a933-b9b910c690d0.gif
Now... someone hand me the receipt.
hand
↓
b6896f0a-5bb5-41c1-940a-c7f68527a0ea.gif
Jacob, don't you get anywhere near that!
jacob
↓
8665560d-4f04-4fa3-97c7-eed0eb6cac9c.gif
[Melissa inhales deeply]
deeplymelissa
↓
67100afd-64ca-4824-93f1-317545cca8c7.gif
-[Rick] How you doing, honey? -[Melissa] I feel...
honeymelissarick
↓
9ea18f67-772f-4576-b958-82a786d0bbac.gif
fine.
↓
caee564f-3b41-42e6-a1f4-0ae924a807ce.gif
-[partygoers gasp] -Paper doesn't make you sick on its own.
papersick
↓
c171c0c9-ace2-40bc-9bfe-47152b7483d7.gif
-He used too small a piece. -Lev's probably not even sick!
piecesickused
↓
ba8215e8-00b3-4df9-a9d8-e03a4c58c433.gif
-He's probably faking it! -You son of a bitch!
↓
a174dc85-3aab-4c96-822f-8dbfbe7d28d6.gif
[groans in pain]
↓
636e6e88-38e9-4060-b36e-933ae33eeb63.gif
[Rick] Jacob was lying about the mud pie.
jacoblyingrick
↓
74af09bd-105e-45d8-bcfa-8f54dce0ec30.gif
And if he was lying about something as simple
lyingsimple
↓
a70d76f4-1898-4995-badb-a46b94569f7f.gif
as grabbing too small a slice,
↓
33603204-024f-4a03-883d-c5a2350c33c8.gif
that probably means he doesn't like the gift either.
↓
899848b4-8a16-465e-9824-43df10bba22f.gif
-Exactly! -But you liked my gift, right, Jacob?
jacobliked
↓
87c91446-1a69-4440-9463-c645a6445900.gif
-Yes! -What about Rick and Melissa's?
melissasrickyes
↓
05ad5684-2813-46f6-953e-b62b129fabca.gif
You piece of shit!
piece
↓
ffdd71be-1604-44f8-9859-621844004740.gif
-Rick! -Fuck!
rick
↓
b101f79f-462b-45a6-a611-8e76885cbfa1.gif
Somebody call 911.
somebody
↓
73dd4b17-1332-49b6-af53-71e6e171ebc4.gif
-Oh, my God. -Tell 'em to send an ambulance.
send
↓
dfeb7b0b-3db3-47cf-8a81-458000713170.gif
Tell 'em it's...
↓
138e9482-3aeb-4f9c-9925-bee2da8b3086.gif
the ugly house on Kenmore.
houseugly
↓
36b4132d-17c9-43bf-8084-bf7b28af9f3c.gif
The one where you can see the KFC sign through their front window.
frontsignwindow
↓
50ff2fc9-e71e-4983-8ea1-cc667f8b9ab5.gif
-[yelling] No! -♪ ...to you--♪
↓
6ebd5386-732b-4baa-8388-dcdca2e6296c.gif
-Don't let Jacob touch that! -[partygoers gasp]
jacobtouch
↓
41dddc54-1a2b-4b44-8863-4bb01179c994.gif
Everybody, let's get out of here.
everybody
↓
2b6659c2-4ac9-4e0b-a668-f0d3669320e4.gif
This place is covered head-to-toe in shit.
headplace
↓
8b5d12f6-1845-4dc4-a999-80430686157b.gif
[footsteps]
↓
df58c731-4a49-42fa-b5a5-e811b81dd0d4.gif
[sighs]
sighs
↓
e1779e96-7d20-4138-9690-50272074741a.gif
[Lev] All you had to do...
↓
577b1f08-0f13-40df-9321-54c6bd661eef.gif
was like the gift...
↓
5e4b0332-d530-4d99-868a-efbc8a1a28ec.gif
and not have a big old mud pie on the bottom of your butt.
↓
ac9c8a47-1a6b-456a-b390-3f33ace2aae9.gif
It's not a big deal.
deal
↓
147c1c26-a670-4530-b820-12d7c16115a3.gif
You had a big mud pie, you had too small of a slice,
↓
89b941ec-b207-436e-9b7d-467f885416fc.gif
then I ate the mud pie,
↓
3861bbf6-3ffe-4a22-9ef4-04eeb3d8c906.gif
now my stomach's absolutely fucked.
absolutely
↓
afdc0b93-b44f-4665-877d-674128b63ef5.gif
[sighs]
sighs
↓
8352dec6-0c5f-43ed-9757-74ccf0503c75.gif
Shouldn't have had such a sloppy mud pie.
↓
a9010a70-9bb2-4e47-9bd0-3ba85f10ef4b.gif
Get off me, man.
↓
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Fine!
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Nobody likes your house anyway.
houselikesnobody
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[melancholic instrumental music playing]
musicmusic-playingplaying
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You should know...
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your wife kissed me on the cheek when I got here.
wife
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Now look at you...
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all alone.
alone
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Everybody's going to party at my house.
houseparty
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Happy birthday, Jacob.
birthdayhappyjacob
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I just...
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39273ffd-80e1-4cb9-887c-22c842b6a9cb.gif
I was just trying not to use a ton of paper towel.
paper
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I just hope Lev's all right.
hope
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7298a620-64df-4f0e-8e0a-6d06c4a2f0a6.gif
Okay, you guys, I've got Lev in my car, so just follow us.
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Lev, what's your address?
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[screams]
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[instrumental music continuing] my car, so just follow us.
music