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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S01E01 — The Gang Gets Racist

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 1, Episode 1 — The Gang Gets Racist

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We're halfway through the night, everything's goin' all right.
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All of a sudden, I notice this dude eyeballin' me from across the bar.
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- Shit. - Right? And I don't know
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f this dude wants to freak me or fight me. You know what I'm saying?
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- He's giving you crazy eyes. - The insane, crazy eyes. Right?
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- I know that. - So I walk over,
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he's this big, cut Mexican dude
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and I look at him and I say to him, "Yo, ese,
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"unless you want to get yo' ass torn apart
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"you'd better get that look off your face."
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No!
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You just walked right up to him and said that?
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I had to, man. You gotta make the first move.
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- Always make the first move. - I know.
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- So badass. - So what happened?
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Well, hey, he won't stop starin' me down.
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We're like eyeball to eyeball. His grill is right up in mine.
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It feels like an eternity, son, right?
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- Finally... - He opens up his mouth and says,
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"I guess you gon' have to tear my ass apart, homes."
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Man, so what'd you do?
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Took him to the back alley, and I tore his ass apart!
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- Oh, my God! - That's insane!
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(chattering continues)
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Okay, I would like to do things like that.
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MAC: I love that guy. "I took him to the back alley."
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Who does shit like that? It's like a movie.
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Calm down, don't get too excited, all right?
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There's something a little off about him.
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Oh, bro, that's racist.
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No, asshole, that's not what I meant.
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I'll go get the coffee. What do you guys want?
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Dude, sit down. Okay? Wait till the waitress comes out here,
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and then you can stare at her. - I wasn't gonna stare at her.
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- I was just gonna. - He wasn't gonna stare at her.
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Dude, you're totally obsessed with that chick.
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I'm not obsessed. I like her. Okay?
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I have a little bit of a crush, yes. But obsessed?
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That's a bit of a harsh word.
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- Dude, it's never gonna happen. - Guys, listen.
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Honestly, I think we should think about hiring Terrell.
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- Why? For what? - You heard him.
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When he's promotin', everybody named Mama's looking to get in.
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That's true. They do have, uh, "Niggers hanging from rafters."
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- Wow. Nice. - No, that's not what I was saying.
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- Coffee? - Yeah.
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- Hitler? - No, I'm not Adolf Hitler.
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I'll make sure to put lots of cream in yours.