♥ Saved GIFs

Loading…

View all favorites →

Home » Elf » S01E01 — Elf

Elf

Season 1, Episode 1 — Elf

↓

OH, HELLO.

↓

YOU'RE, UH, YOU'RE PROBABLY HERE

↓

ABOUT THE, UH, THE STORY.

story

↓

ELVES LOVE TO TELL STORIES.

love

↓

I-I'LL BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT ABOUT ELVES.

↓

THERE'S, UH, PROBABLY A LOT OF THINGS

↓

YOU--YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ELVES.

↓

ANOTHER--ANOTHER INTERESTING, UH, ELFISM--

another interesting

↓

UH, THERE ARE ONLY THREE JOBS AVAILABLE TO AN ELF.

jobs three

↓

THE FIRST IS MAKING SHOES AT NIGHT

night shoes

↓

WHILE, YOU KNOW, WHILE THE OLD...

↓

THE OLD COBBLER SLEEPS.

↓

LAZY BUM. COULDN'T EVEN MAKE A CLOG.

↓

YOU CAN BAKE COOKIES

↓

IN A TREE. HEY!

↓

AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, IT'S, UH, DANGEROUS HAVING AN OVEN

having oven

↓

IN AN OAK TREE DURING THE DRY SEASON.

↓

( screaming ) I WANNA MAKE SHOES!

screaming shoes

↓

BUT THE THIRD JOB--UH, SOME CALL IT, UH,

third

↓

"THE SHOW," OR--OR "THE BIG DANCE,"

↓

IT'S THE PROFESSION THAT EVERY ELF ASPIRES TO,

↓

AND THAT IS TO BUILD TOYS IN SANTA'S WORKSHOP.

build toys

↓

ONLY TWO WEEKS LEFT TILL CHRISTMAS!

christmas left weeks

↓

( cheering )

cheering

↓

I-IT'S A JOB ONLY AN ELF CAN DO.

↓

OUR--OUR NIMBLE FINGERS,

fingers

↓

NATURAL CHEER, AND ACTIVE MINDS

minds

↓

ARE PERFECT FOR TOY-BUILDING.

building perfect

↓

THEY--THEY TRIED USING GNOMES AND TROLLS,

tried using

↓

BUT THE GNOMES DRANK TOO MUCH...

↓

( burps )

↓

...AND THE TROLLS WEREN'T TOILET TRAINED.

toilet

↓

( farts )

↓

NO HUMAN BEING HAS EVER SET-- SET FOOT IN SANTA'S WORKSHOP.

foot

↓

UH, THAT IS UNTIL ABOUT 30 YEARS AGO,

years

↓

AND, AS YOU MAY HAVE GUESSED,

↓

THAT'S WHERE OUR STORY BEGINS.

story

↓

WOW!

↓

WHOA!

whoa

↓

OOH!

↓

WOW!

↓

WOW!

↓

( humming )

↓

OW! OW!

↓

WHOA!

whoa

↓

ARE YOU SLEEPY?

↓

HERE WE ARE.

↓

WE'RE JUST GOING TO MAKE YOU FEEL SO COMFORTABLE.

↓

HERE WE ARE.

↓

THERE YOU ARE.

↓

IT'S TIME TO GO TO SLEEP.

↓

MAYBE BY NEXT CHRISTMAS YOU'LL HAVE A HOME.

christmas home

↓

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MY ANGEL.

christmas

↓

( creaking )

↓

Santa: MMM...

santa

↓

( bars clang )

↓

( cheering ) ( music playing )

cheering music music-playing playing

↓

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

↓

WE'VE HAD ANOTHER VERY SUCCESSFUL YEAR.

another successful

↓

( cheering )

cheering

↓

SO, AFTER ALL THAT HARD WORK,

hard

↓

IT'S TIME TO START PREPARATIONS

start

↓

FOR NEXT CHRISTMAS!

christmas

↓

( cheering )

cheering

↓

WHAT IN THE NAME OF SAM HILL IS THAT?

hill name

↓

Elves: WOW...

↓

Male elf: A BABY...

baby

↓

Elf: "LITTLE BUDDY DIAPERS."

buddy

↓

HIS NAME IS BUDDY. HE MUST'VE...

buddy name

↓

SNUCK INTO YOUR SACK AT THE ORPHANAGE.

↓

WHAT DO WE DO?

↓

Papa Elf: SO, SANTA HAD A DECISION TO MAKE,

santa

↓

AND FORTUNATELY, WHEN IT COMES TO BABIES,

comes

↓

SANTA'S A--A PUSHOVER.

↓

SO, BUDDY STAYED WITH, UH, AN OLDER ELF

buddy stayed

↓

WHO HAD ALWAYS WANTED A CHILD,

child wanted

↓

BUT HAD BEEN SO COMMITTED TO BUILDING TOYS, HE...

building toys

↓

HE, WELL, HAD FORGOTTEN TO SETTLE DOWN.

settle

↓

SANTA.

santa

↓

YES, YES, I-- I RAISED BUDDY.

buddy yes

↓

I WAS HIS ADOPTED FATHER.

↓

THOUGH BUDDY GREW TWICE AS FAST,

buddy fast

↓

HE--HE WASN'T ANY DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHER CHILDREN.

children

↓

( chuckles ) NOT TOO FAST, BUDDY.

buddy chuckles fast

↓

I MEAN, NOT--NOT REALLY.

↓

BEFORE WE LEARN HOW TO BUILD THE LATEST

build latest learn

↓

IN EXTREME GRAPHIC CHIPSET PROCESSORS,

↓

LET'S RECITE THE "CODE OF THE ELVES,"

code

↓

SHALL WE?

↓

NUMBER ONE.

number

↓

"TREAT EVERY DAY LIKE CHRISTMAS."

christmas

↓

NUMBER TWO.

number

↓

"THERE'S ROOM FOR EVERYONE ON THE NICE LIST."

list room

↓

NUMBER THREE.

number three

↓

"THE BEST WAY TO SPREAD CHRISTMAS CHEER

best christmas

↓

IS SINGING LOUD FOR ALL TO HEAR."

loud

↓

AND ONE DAY, WHEN BUDDY WAS OLD ENOUGH,

buddy

↓

I MADE HIM MY OWN PERSONAL APPRENTICE.

personal

↓

I'VE NEVER BEEN IN THIS ROOM BEFORE.

room

↓

WELL, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU START

start

↓

YOUR TINKER TRAINING.

↓

( gasps ) SANTA'S SLEIGH.

gasps sleigh

↓

YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME MAKE IT FLY.

↓

I THOUGHT THE MAGICAL REINDEER MADE THE SLEIGH FLY.

sleigh

↓

AND WHERE DO THE REINDEER GET THEIR MAGIC FROM?

↓

CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.

christmas everybody knows

↓

WELL, SILLY AS IT SOUNDS,

silly sounds

↓

A LOT OF PEOPLE DOWN SOUTH

south

↓

DON'T BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS.

believe santa

↓

WHAT?!

↓

WELL, WHO DO THEY THINK PUTS ALL THEIR TOYS UNDER THE TREE?

toys

↓

WELL, THERE'S A RUMOR FLOATING AROUND

↓

THAT, UH, THAT THE PARENTS DO IT.

parents

↓

THAT'S--THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

↓

I MEAN, PARENTS COULDN'T DO THAT ALL IN ONE NIGHT.

night parents

↓

WHAT ABOUT SANTA'S COOKIES?

↓

I SUPPOSE PARENTS EAT THEM, TOO?

parents

↓

YEAH, I, UH, I--I KNOW,

↓

UH, AND EVERY YEAR LESS AND LESS PEOPLE

less

↓

BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS.

believe santa

↓

I MEAN, WE HAVE A REAL ENERGY CRISIS ON OUR HANDS.

crisis hands real

↓

OH.

↓

I MEAN, JUST SEE HOW LOW THE, UH, CLAUSOMETER IS.

↓

THAT'S SHOCKING.

↓

THAT'S WHY I CAME UP

↓

WITH THIS LITTLE BEAUTY IN THE '60S.

↓

( engine hums to life )

engine life

↓

WH-WHAT IS IT?

↓

IT'S A KRINGLE 3000--

↓

A 500-REINDEER POWER JET TURBINE ENGINE.

engine power

↓

WITHOUT IT, THE SLEIGH COULDN'T

sleigh

↓

GET MORE THAN, UH, A FEW FEET OFF THE GROUND.

feet ground

↓

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE GOT

↓

A SHORT IN THE THERMOCOUPLER.

short

↓

YOU WANNA GIVE ME A HAND WITH THAT?

hand

↓

YOU WANT ME TO HELP?

↓

AS MUCH AS, UH, BUDDY WAS ACCEPTED

buddy

↓

BY HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS,

family friends

↓

THERE WERE A FEW DRAWBACKS

↓

TO BEING, UH, A HUMAN IN, UH, AN ELF'S WORLD.

world

↓

( music plays ) ( chattering )

music plays

↓

HEY, MING MING.

↓

UM...

↓

I'M GONNA BE A LITTLE BIT SHORT ON TODAY'S QUOTA.

short

↓

IT'S ALL RIGHT, BUDDY.

buddy

↓

JUST HOW MANY ETCH-A-SKETCHES

↓

DID YOU GET FINISHED?

↓

COME ON, BUDDY. HOW MANY?

buddy

↓

I MADE, UH...85.

↓

EIGHTY-FIVE?

five

↓

THAT PUTS YOU...

↓

915 OFF THE PACE.

↓

Female elf: OOH--THAT'S BAD.

bad

↓

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY IT?

↓

I'M THE WORST TOY MAKER IN THE WORLD.

world

↓

I'M A COTTON-HEADED NINNY-MUGGINS.

↓

( gasps )

gasps

↓

NO, BUDDY, YOU'RE NOT A COTTON-HEADED NINNY-MUGGINS.

buddy

↓

WE ALL JUST HAVE DIFFERENT TALENTS, THAT'S ALL.

↓

SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

seems

↓

HAS THE SAME TALENTS, EXCEPT FOR ME.

except

↓

YOU--YOU HAVE, YOU HAVE LOTS OF TALENTS, UH...

↓

SPECIAL TALENTS IN FACT, LIKE, UM, UH...

fact special

↓

SPECIAL TALENTS?

special

↓

YOU CHANGED THE BATTERIES IN THE SMOKE DETECTOR.

↓

YOU SURE DID--AAA's.

↓

AND IN SIX MONTHS, YOU'LL HAVE TO CHECK 'EM AGAIN--

check months

↓

WON'T HE?

↓

AND YOU'RE THE ONLY BARITONE IN THE ELF CHOIR.

↓

YOU BRING US DOWN A WHOLE OCTAVE.

bring whole

↓

IN A GOOD WAY.

↓

SEE, BUDDY?

buddy

↓

YOU'RE NOT A COTTON-HEADED NINNY-MUGGINS.

↓

YOU'RE JUST...SPECIAL.

special

↓

AND SO, BUDDY WAS SENT WHERE THE--THE SPECIAL ELVES WORK.

buddy sent special

↓

( devilish laughter ) AAH!

laughter

↓

( Pop Goes the Weasel playing )

playing

↓

( laughter ) AH!

laughter

↓

( sighs )

sighs

↓

( Pop Goes the Weasel playing )

playing

↓

( laughter )

laughter

↓

HEY, FOOM FOOM--

↓

I HATE TO DO THIS TO YOU, BUT YOU THINK YOU COULD

hate

↓

HELP ME PICK UP THE SLACK ON THOSE ETCH-A-SCKETCHES?

pick

↓

NO PROBLEM. I APPRECIATE IT.

appreciate problem

↓

BUDDY IS KILLING ME.

buddy

↓

I ALREADY GOT LUM LUM AND CHOO CHOO PULLIN' DOUBLES.

↓

THAT WAS QUICK THINKING YESTERDAY

quick thinking yesterday

↓

WITH THAT "SPECIAL TALENTS" THING.

special

↓

Ming Ming: I FEEL BAD FOR THE GUY.

bad

↓

I JUST HOPE HE DOESN'T GET WISE.

hope

↓

WELL, IF HE HASN'T FIGURED OUT HE'S A HUMAN BY NOW,

figured

↓

I DON'T THINK HE EVER WILL.

↓

Foom Foom: IF HE HASN'T FIGURED OUT HE'S A HUMAN

figured

↓

BY NOW, I DON'T THINK HE EVER WILL.

↓

I THINK THEY'RE TOO SMALL.

↓

Ming Ming: YOU'RE JUST...SPECIAL.

special

↓

( snores )

↓

( Buddy sings deeply )

buddy deeply

↓

( sneakers screech )

↓

( devilish laughter )

laughter

↓

YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD, BUDDY.

buddy

↓

ARE YOU OKAY?

↓

I'LL BE OKAY, I JUST NEED A GLASS OF WATER.

water

↓

AAH!

↓

BUDDY...

buddy

↓

UNH! AAH!

↓

( knock on door )

door knock

↓

BUDDY, ARE YOU OKAY?

buddy

↓

I'M SORRY, PAPA.

↓

I JUST NEED SOME ALONE TIME.

alone

↓

BUDDY, I--I THINK WE--WE HAVE TO TALK.

buddy

↓

BUDDY, UH, I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING

buddy

↓

I--I PROBABLY SHOULD TELL YOU.

↓

YOU PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE FOUND OUT A LONG--

found

↓

A LONG TIME AGO.

↓

I THEN PROCEEDED TO TELL BUDDY OF HOW HIS FATHER

buddy

↓

HAD FALLEN IN LOVE WHEN HE WAS VERY YOUNG

love young

↓

WITH A BEAUTIFUL GIRL NAMED SUSAN WELLS,

girl

↓

AND HOW BUDDY WAS BORN

buddy

↓

AND PUT UP FOR ADOPTION BY HIS MOTHER,

mother

↓

AND HOW SHE HAD LATER PASSED AWAY.

↓

I--I TOLD HIM HIS FATHER

↓

HAD NEVER EVEN KNOWN THAT BUDDY WAS BORN,

buddy

↓

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,

↓

I TOLD HIM WHERE HIS FATHER WAS--

↓

UH, IN A MAGICAL LAND CALLED NEW YORK CITY.

called city

↓

MY DAD WORKS THERE?

works

↓

EMPIRE STATE BUILDING.

building

↓

HEY, BUDDY, WANNA PICK SOME SNOWBERRIES?

buddy pick

↓

NOT NOW, ARCTIC PUPPET.

↓

HELLO, BUDDY. OH...HI, LEON.

buddy

↓

WHY THE LONG FACE, PARTNER?

face

↓

IT SEEMS I'M... I'M NOT AN ELF.

seems

↓

'COURSE YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE 6'3"

course

↓

AND HAD A BEARD SINCE YOU WERE 15.

↓

PAPA SAYS MY REAL FATHER

real

↓

LIVES IN A MAGICAL PLACE FAR AWAY.

lives place

↓

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

↓

AT LEAST YOU HAVE A DADDY.

↓

I WAS JUST ROLLED UP ONE DAY AND LEFT OUT HERE IN THE COLD.

cold left

↓

BUT THE THING IS, I'VE NEVER EVEN LEFT THE NORTH POLE.

left

↓

BUDDY, I'VE BEEN AROUND THE WORLD MANY TIMES

buddy times world

↓

WHEN I WAS A YOUNG CUMULUS NIMBUS CLOUD.

young

↓

IT'S A WONDERFUL PLACE, FILLED WITH WONDROUS CREATURES--

place

↓

EXCEPT DOGS.

except

↓

OH, BY THE WAY, DON'T EAT THE YELLOW SNOW.

↓

OH, I KNOW THAT.

↓

ALL I'M SAYIN' IS, THIS MIGHT BE THE GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY

might

↓

TO FIND OUT WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

↓

SO, I HEAR YOU'RE GOING

↓

ON A LITTLE JOURNEY TO THE BIG CITY.

city

↓

YUP. AHH.

↓

I'M KINDA NERVOUS.

kinda nervous

↓

( chuckles )

chuckles

↓

LEON SAYS NEW YORK IS PRETTY DIFFERENT.

↓

OH, DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO LEON.

attention

↓

HE'S NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY FEET.

feet

↓

I'VE BEEN TO NEW YORK THOUSANDS OF TIMES.

times

↓

REALLY? MM-HMM.

↓

WHAT'S IT LIKE?

↓

WELL, THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW.

↓

FIRST OFF, YOU SEE GUM ON THE STREET,

street

↓

LEAVE IT THERE. IT'S NOT FREE CANDY.

free

↓

OH. SECOND,

second

↓

THERE ARE, LIKE, 30 RAY'S PIZZAS.

↓

THEY ALL CLAIM TO BE THE ORIGINAL,

↓

BUT THE REAL ONE'S ON 11TH.

ones real

↓

AND IF YOU SEE A SIGN THAT SAYS "PEEP SHOW,"

sign

↓

THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT THEY'RE LETTING YOU

↓

LOOK AT PRESENTS BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

christmas presents

↓

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MY DAD--

↓

WE'RE GONNA GO ICE SKATING AND...AND EAT SUGAR PLUMS.

↓

YEAH, THAT'S THE OTHER THING

↓

I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

wanted

↓

YOU KNOW, BUDDY... ( sighs )

buddy sighs

↓

YOUR FATHER...

↓

WELL...HE'S ON THE NAUGHTY LIST.

list

↓

NO!!!

↓

YOU'RE TAKING THE BOOKS BACK?

books

↓

( chuckles )

chuckles

↓

SEE, I--I SEE WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO HERE.

↓

Y-YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD,

bad

↓

WHEN, IN ACTUALITY, YOU'RE THE ONE

↓

THAT MISSED THE PAYMENTS.

missed

↓

BUT THE CHILDREN LOVE THE BOOKS.

books children love

↓

I KNOW THAT, UH...

↓

YOU KNOW, I'M THE ONE THAT RAN THE FOCUS GROUPS,

focus

↓

BUT I LIKE HEARING THAT.

hearing

↓

LISTEN, SOME PEOPLE, THEY JUST LOSE SIGHT

lose

↓

OF WHAT'S IMPORTANT IN LIFE.

life

↓

THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY CAN'T FIND THEIR WAY AGAIN, HUH?

↓

MAYBE ALL THEY NEED

↓

IS JUST A LITTLE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT.

christmas

↓

( cheering )

cheering

↓

WELL, UH, I... I'M GOOD AT THAT.

↓

I KNOW YOU ARE.

↓

AND I'LL...

↓

I'LL ALWAYS, UH,

↓

I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU.

↓

NOW, UH...

↓

GO...UH, GET.

↓

BYE, GUYS.

↓

BYE, BUDDY. BYE, BUDDY. TAKE CARE.

buddy care

↓

BYE-BYE.

↓

BYE-BYE.

↓

BYE-BYE, BUDDY.

buddy

↓

( sobbing )

↓

THERE, THERE.

↓

HUH?

↓

OH! OHH!

↓

BYE, BUDDY. HOPE YOU FIND YOUR DAD.

buddy hope

↓

THANKS, MR. NARWHAL.

thanks

↓

BYE.

↓

HEY! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

name

↓

MY NAME'S BUDDY.

buddy

↓

OHH!

↓

DOES SOMEONE NEED A HUG?

↓

( raccoon chirping )

↓

AAH, AAH! THAT'S NOT COOL!

cool

↓

( screech )

↓

I JUST WANTED A HUG!

wanted

↓

( Pennies from Heaven playing )

playing

↓

HI.

↓

HELLO.

↓

THANK YOU.

↓

THANK YOU.

↓

YOU DID IT! CONGRATULATIONS!

↓

"WORLD'S BEST CUP OF COFFEE." GREAT JOB, EVERYBODY.

best coffee everybody worlds

↓

IT'S GREAT TO MEET YOU.

meet

↓

HI.

↓

( horns honking )

↓

SANTA, SAN--UH, NOPE.

nope santa

↓

NOT SANTA.

santa

↓

THANK YOU.

↓

THANK YOU.

↓

( screaming )

screaming

↓

THANK YOU. HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? NO.

↓

NO, ALL RIGHT? THANK YOU.

↓

GET OUTTA HERE, GET OUTTA HERE.

outta

↓

( elevator chimes )

chimes

↓

( elevator chimes )

chimes

↓

HELLO. HI.

↓

OOH...

↓

( gasps ) BEAUTIFUL.

gasps

↓

LOOKS LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE.

christmas

↓

A REPRINT?

↓

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT'S GONNA COST?

↓

TWO WHOLE PAGES ARE MISSING.

missing whole

↓

THE STORY DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

story

↓

WHAT, YOU THINK SOME KID'S GONNA NOTICE TWO PAGES?

kids

↓

I MEAN, THEY--ALL THEY DO IS LOOK AT PICTURES.

pictures

↓

( elevator chimes ) ( gasps )

chimes gasps

↓

SORRY I CAN'T RIDE WITH YOU THE REST OF THE WAY UP,

rest ride

↓

BUT THIS IS WHERE MY DAD WORKS. WELL, HAVE A GOOD--

works

↓

OH, I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU A HUG!

forgot

↓

OH, I DON'T KNOW, CONNIE, I'VE NEVER

↓

DECLAWED KITTENS BEFORE.

↓

HOW MANY?

↓

( gasps ) EIGHT?

eight gasps

↓

UH, I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA HAVE TIME.

↓

OH, ALL RIGHT, JUST BRING 'EM BY THE CAMPER THIS WEEK,

bring week

↓

AND I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. I'M NOT GONNA CHARGE YOU.

charge

↓

JUST BRING 'EM BY, AND I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.

bring

↓

I HAVE TO GO. EXCUSE ME.

excuse

↓

I'M HERE TO SEE A WALTER HOBBS.

↓

I'M BUDDY THE ELF. ( laughs )

buddy laughs

↓

YOU LOOK HILARIOUS! WHO SENT YOU?

sent

↓

PAPA ELF. PAPA ELF?

↓

MM-HMM. FROM THE NORTH POLE.

↓

FROM THE NORTH POLE? YES.

yes

↓

SO, YOU REALLY THINK WE SHOULD SHIP 'EM?

ship

↓

NO, I THINK WE SHOULD TAKE A $30,000 BATH

↓

SO SOME KID CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED

happened

↓

TO A PUPPY AND A FRIGGIN' PIGEON--

↓

SHIP 'EM. ( phone rings )

phone rings ship

↓

YEAH.

↓

MR. HOBBS? IT'S ME ON THE INTERCOM.

intercom

↓

GO AHEAD.

ahead

↓

YEAH, I THINK SOMEONE SENT YOU A CHRISTMAS-GRAM.

christmas sent

↓

DAD!

↓

( chuckles )

chuckles

↓

ALL RIGHT, UH, LET'S GET IT OVER WITH.

↓

I WALKED ALL DAY AND NIGHT TO FIND YOU.

night

↓

UH, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU CAME FROM THE NORTH POLE.

↓

( chuckle )

chuckle

↓

THAT'S EXACTLY WHERE I CAME FROM.

↓

SANTA MUST'VE CALLED YOU!

called santa

↓

OH, YEAH, SURE, HE, UH...

↓

JUST GOT OFF THE CELL PHONE WITH ME.

phone

↓

YOU DID?!

↓

SO, GO ON. GO ON WITH WHAT?

↓

WELL, ARE--ARE YOU GONNA SING A SONG OR SOMETHING,

song

↓

OR CAN I JUST GO BACK TO WORK?

↓

A SONG? UH...

song

↓

YEAH. ANYTHING FOR YOU, DAD, UH...

↓

♪ I--I'M, I'M HERE WITH MY DAD ♪

↓

♪ AND WE NEVER MET ♪

↓

♪ AND HE WANTS ME TO SING HIM A SONG ♪

song wants

↓

♪ AND, UM, I WAS ADOPTED ♪

↓

♪ BUT YOU DIDN'T KNOW I WAS BORN ♪

↓

♪ SO, I'M HERE NOW, I FOUND YOU, DADDY ♪

found

↓

♪ AND, GUESS WHAT? I LOVE YOU ♪

love

↓

♪ I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU! ♪

love

↓

WOW, THAT WAS WEIRD.

weird

↓

YOU KNOW, USUALLY YOU GUYS JUST, UH, YOU KNOW,

usually

↓

PUT MY NAME INTO JINGLE BELLS OR SOMETHING.

name

↓

IT'S ME, YOUR SON.

↓

SUSAN WELLS HAD ME, AND-- AND SHE DIDN'T TELL YOU,

↓

AND, AND, AND, BUT NOW I'M HERE--

↓

IT'S ME BUDDY.

buddy

↓

SUSAN WELLS.

↓

UH, YOU SAID SUSAN WELLS? YES.

yes

↓

WHO SENT THIS CHRISTMAS-GRAM?

christmas sent

↓

WHAT'S A CHRISTMAS-GRAM? I WANT ONE.

christmas

↓

( whispering ) I think we should call security.

security whispering

↓

Good idea.

idea

↓

I like to whisper, too.

↓

IT'S OKAY, WALTER'S MY FATHER.

↓

WELL, YOUR DAD'S BUSY RIGHT NOW.

busy

↓

OKAY, I'LL COME BACK LATER.

↓

YEAH, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT GONNA

↓

COME BACK FOR A WHILE, OKAY?

↓

YOU'RE GONNA GO BACK TO SANTA LAND.

santa

↓

OKAY.

↓

YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO GIMBEL'S?

↓

( Sleigh Ride playing )

playing ride sleigh

↓

SORRY! SORRY.

↓

PASSION FRUIT SPRAY?

fruit

↓

FRUIT SPRAY? SURE.

fruit

↓

( crying )

↓

SORRY.

↓

SORRY.

↓

DO YOU WANNA GO?

↓

( toilet flushes )

toilet

↓

HEY! HAVE YOU SEEN THESE TOILETS?

seen

↓

THEY'RE GI-NORMOUS!

↓

"FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE."

special

↓

PSST!

↓

( grunts )

↓

HEY, COME--COME HERE!

↓

ME? YES.

yes

↓

WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE?

↓

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOWN HERE!

supposed

↓

YOU CAN SHOP ON YOUR BREAK,

break shop

↓

YOU DON'T--COME ON, GET UPSTAIRS!

↓

OKAY, I DIDN'T KNOW. WELL, YOU SHOULD KNOW!

↓

ARE YOU MAD AT ME? NO.

↓

ARE YOU SURE? YES, I'M SURE.

yes

↓

JUST DO YOUR JOB.

↓

OKAY, FAIR ENOUGH.

↓

( gasps ) WOW!

gasps

↓

WHAT'S THIS?

↓

THIS IS THE NORTH POLE.

↓

NO, IT'S NOT. YES, IT IS.

yes

↓

NO, IT'S NOT. YES, IT IS.

yes

↓

NO, IT ISN'T. YES, IT IS.

yes

↓

NO, IT ISN'T. YES, IT IS.

yes

↓

NO, IT'S NOT. WHERE'S THE SNOW?

↓

WHY YOU SMILING LIKE THAT?

↓

I JUST LIKE TO SMILE, SMILING'S MY FAVORITE.

favorite

↓

MAKE WORK YOUR FAVORITE, THAT'S YOUR FAVORITE, OKAY?

favorite

↓

OKAY. WORK IS YOUR NEW FAVORITE.

favorite

↓

FINE.

↓

IT'S TIME FOR THE ANNOUNCEMENT.

↓

OKAY.

↓

OKAY, PEOPLE, TOMORROW MORNING 10 A.M.,

morning tomorrow

↓

SANTA'S COMIN' TO TOWN!

comin town

↓

SANTA!!!

santa

↓

OH, MY GOD!!!

↓

SANTA HERE?! I KNOW HIM.

santa

↓

I KNOW HIM.

↓

HE'LL BE HERE TO TAKE PICTURES

pictures

↓

WITH ALL THE CHILDREN.

children

↓

YEAH!

↓

JUST KEEP YOUR RECEIPTS. 10 A.M. TOMORROW.

tomorrow

↓

10 A.M. TOMORROW.

tomorrow

↓

SANTA'S COMING TO TOWN.

coming town

↓

YES. CAN YOU SIGN THIS FOR ME?

sign yes

↓

OHH! HI.

↓

( whispers ) Santa's coming.

coming

↓

ARE YOU ENJOYING THE VIEW?

↓

YOU ARE VERY GOOD AT DECORATING THAT TREE.

↓

WHY ARE YOU MESSING WITH ME?

messing

↓

DID KRUMPET PUT YOU UP TO THIS?

↓

I'M NOT MESSING WITH YOU.

messing

↓

IT'S JUST NICE TO MEET ANOTHER HUMAN

another meet

↓

WHO SHARES MY AFFINITY FOR ELF CULTURE.

↓

I'M JUST TRYING TO GET THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS.

↓

GET THROUGH?

↓

CHRISTMAS IS THE GREATEST DAY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

christmas greatest whole world

↓

PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME.

↓

UH-OH. SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE

sounds

↓

NEEDS TO SING A CHRISTMAS CAROL.

christmas needs

↓

GO AWAY.

↓

THE BEST WAY TO SPREAD CHRISTMAS CHEER

best christmas

↓

IS SINGING LOUD FOR ALL TO HEAR.

loud

↓

THANKS, BUT I DON'T SING.

thanks

↓

OH, IT'S EASY, IT'S JUST LIKE TALKING--

easy

↓

EXCEPT LOUDER AND LONGER

except longer

↓

AND YOU MOVE YOUR VOICE UP AND DOWN.

voice

↓

I CAN SING, BUT I JUST CHOOSE NOT TO SING.

↓

ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE.

front

↓

WELL, IF YOU SING ALONE, YOU CAN SING

alone

↓

IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE. THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE.

difference front

↓

ACTUALLY, THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE.

difference

↓

NO, THERE-- NO, THERE ISN'T.

↓

WAIT.

↓

♪ I'M SINGING ♪

↓

♪ I'M IN A STORE, AND I'M SINGING ♪

store

↓

♪ I'M IN A STORE, AND I'M SINGING ♪

store

↓

HEY! THERE'S NO SINGING IN THE NORTH POLE.

↓

YES, THERE IS.

yes

↓

NO, THERE'S NOT.

↓

WE SING ALL THE TIME. NO, THERE'S NOT.

↓

ESPECIALLY WHEN WE MAKE TOYS.

toys

↓

SEE?

↓

Manager over P.A.: ATTENTION, ALL GIMBEL'S SHOPPERS,

attention

↓

PLEASE MAKE YOUR FINAL PURCHASES.

↓

WE'LL BE CLOSING IN TEN MINUTES.

minutes

↓

WELL, IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GO HOME.

home

↓

BUT...BUT SANTA'S COMING, THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO.

coming

↓

YEAH, UM... ( laughs )

laughs

↓

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW...

tomorrow

↓

BUDDY. JOVIE.

buddy

↓

HI. HI.

↓

JOVIE.

↓

( Nutcracker Suite playing )

playing

↓

HEY, UH...I'M GONNA EAT IN THE BEDROOM, OKAY?

↓

I, UH, I GOT

↓

A BUNCH OF STUFF TO GO OVER.

bunch stuff

↓

ARE YOU SURE? I'M--I'M JUST WAY BEHIND

behind

↓

ON A BUNCH OF STUFF.

bunch stuff

↓

OKAY.

↓

CAN I EAT IN MY ROOM?

room

↓

NO. WHY NOT?

↓

DAD'S EATING IN HIS ROOM.

eating room

↓

( imitating father ) I GOT A BUNCH OF HOMEWORK TO GO OVER,

bunch

↓

AND I'M WAY BEHIND ON A BUNCH OF STUFF.

behind bunch stuff

↓

YOU'RE EATING HERE.

eating

↓

Jovie: ♪ I REALLY CAN'T STAY ♪

↓

♪ I'VE GOT TO GO 'WAY ♪

↓

♪ THIS EVENING HAS BEEN ♪

↓

♪ SO VERY NICE ♪

↓

♪ MY MOTHER WILL START TO WORRY ♪

mother start worry

↓

♪ AND FATHER WILL BE PACIN' THE FLOOR ♪

floor

↓

♪ SO, REALLY, I'D BETTER SCURRY ♪

↓

♪ WELL, MAYBE JUST A HALF A DRINK MORE ♪

drink half

↓

♪ THE NEIGHBORS MIGHT THINK ♪ ♪ BABY, IT'S BAD OUT THERE ♪

baby bad might

↓

♪ SAY, WHAT'S IN THIS DRINK? ♪

drink

↓

♪ NO CABS TO BE HAD OUT THERE ♪

↓

♪ I WISH I KNEW HOW TO BREAK THE SPELL ♪

break spell wish

↓

♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR HAT, YOUR HAIR LOOKS SWELL ♪

hair

↓

♪ I OUGHT TO SAY NO, NO, NO, SIR ♪

↓

♪ MIND IF I MOVE IN CLOSER? ♪

mind

↓

♪ AT LEAST I'M GONNA SAY THAT I TRIED ♪

tried

↓

♪ WHAT'S THE SENSE OF HURTING MY PRIDE? ♪

pride

↓

♪ I REALLY CAN'T STAY ♪

↓

♪ AH, BUT IT'S COLD OUTSIDE ♪ ♪ BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE! ♪

baby cold

↓

( water turns off )

water

↓

GET OUT! DON'T LOOK AT ME!

↓

GET OUT!

↓

( Sleigh Ride playing )

playing ride sleigh

↓

♪ JUST HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING ♪

sleigh

↓

♪ RING-TING-TINGLING, TOO ♪

↓

♪ COME ON, IT'S LOVELY WEATHER ♪

↓

♪ FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER WITH YOU ♪

ride sleigh

↓

♪ OUTSIDE THE SNOW IS FALLING ♪

falling

↓

♪ AND FRIENDS ARE CALLING YOO-HOO ♪

calling friends

↓

( muffled ) DAD?

↓

♪ COME ON, IT'S LOVELY WEATHER ♪ DAD.

↓

DAD, HI! IT'S ME! ♪ FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER WITH YOU ♪

ride sleigh

↓

( muffled ) BUDDY. DAD! DAD! DAD!

buddy

↓

♪ GIDDY-YAP, GIDDY-YAP, GIDDY-YAP ♪

↓

♪ LET'S GO, LET'S LOOK AT THE SHOW ♪

↓

♪ WE'RE RIDING IN A WONDERLAND OF SNOW ♪

↓

HEY! IT'S OKAY,

↓

I JUST HAVE A GIFT FOR MY DAD.

↓

OKAY, I'LL TAKE THIS.

↓

OKAY. WELL, JUST MAKE SURE HE KNOWS

knows

↓

IT'S FROM ME BUDDY, HIS SON, OKAY?

buddy

↓

OKAY. AND THAT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH,

love

↓

AND THAT I THINK HE'S THE GREATEST DAD IN THE WORLD.

greatest world

↓

YOU GUYS ARE SO STRONG.

↓

Kids: WOW! ♪ MY CHEEKS ARE NICE AND ROSY ♪

kids

↓

Girl: THIS IS NEAT. ♪ AND COMFY COZY ARE WE ♪

girl

↓

♪ WE'RE SNUGGLED UP TOGETHER ♪

↓

♪ LIKE TWO BIRDS OF A FEATHER WOULD BE ♪

↓

♪ LET'S TAKE THAT ROAD BEFORE US ♪

↓

♪ AND SING A CHORUS OR TWO ♪

↓

♪ COME ON, IT'S LOVELY WEATHER ♪

↓

♪ FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER WITH YOU ♪

ride sleigh

↓

HEY, YOU. ME?

↓

COME HERE. I WANNA TALK TO YOU.

↓

WHAT DO YOU WANNA TALK TO ME ABOUT?

↓

HOW COME YOU WERE

↓

IN THE WOMEN'S LOCKER ROOM THIS MORNING?

morning room

↓

I HEARD YOU SINGING.

heard

↓

YOU SURE IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT

fact

↓

THAT I WAS NAKED IN THE SHOWER?

↓

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE NAKED.

↓

WHY WERE YOU HERE SO EARLY?

early

↓

THEY SHUT MY WATER OFF.

water

↓

WHAT WERE YOU DOING HERE SO EARLY?

early

↓

BUILDING THIS.

building

↓

YOU BUILT THIS? MM-HMM.

built

↓

THEY'RE KINDA PISSED ABOUT THIS.

kinda

↓

REALLY?

↓

HEY, GUYS.

↓

HAVE YOU SEEN THE PLACE? MM-HMM.

place seen

↓

IT'S PRETTY GOOD. IT'S A LITTLE TOO GOOD.

↓

CORPORATE MUST HAVE SENT IN A PROFESSIONAL.

must sent

↓

I DON'T KNOW WHY SOMEBODY'S GUNNIN' FOR MY JOB,

↓

BUT, LOOK-- LET'S REMAIN A TEAM, OKAY?

team

↓

'CAUSE IF I GO, WE ALL GO.

↓

IF YOU GET WIND OF ANYTHING,

wind

↓

CALL ME ON MY RADIO, CHANNEL THREE.

three

↓

CODE WORD IS "SANTA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG,"

code word

↓

OKAY?

↓

SIX-INCH RIBBON CURLS, HONEY.

honey

↓

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. SIX...INCHES.

↓

( sighs )

sighs

↓

BY THE WAY... I THINK YOU HAVE

↓

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SINGING VOICE

voice

↓

IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

whole world

↓

SANTA...

santa

↓

HEY, HEY! HO HO HO!

↓

( cheering )

cheering

↓

YEAH!

↓

SANTA, IT'S ME BUDDY!

buddy santa

↓

IT'S ME! HEY, BUDDY, HOW YOU DOING?

buddy

↓

IT'S ME!

↓

ARE YOU READY TO SEE SANTA?

ready santa

↓

WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?

↓

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I'M SANTA CLAUS.

santa

↓

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

↓

UH, WH-WHY, OF COURSE I AM!

course

↓

HO HO HO HO HO!

↓

WELL, IF YOU'RE SANTA...

santa

↓

WHAT SONG DID I SING FOR YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR?

birthday song

↓

UH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY OF COURSE!

birthday course happy

↓

HO HO HO HO HO!

↓

UH, SO, HOW OLD ARE YOU, SON?

↓

FOUR.

four

↓

YOU'RE A BIG BOY, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

name

↓

PAUL. AND, UH, WHAT CAN I GET YOU FOR CHRISTMAS?

christmas

↓

PAUL--DON'T TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT.

↓

HE'S A LIAR. LET THE KID TALK.

liar

↓

YOU DISGUST ME. HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF?

live

↓

JUST COOL IT, ZIPPY. Woman: SMILE.

cool woman

↓

YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES.

↓

LOOK, I'M NOT KIDDIN'. YOU'RE A FAKE.

↓

I'M A FAKE? YES.

yes

↓

HOW'D YOU LIKE TO BE DEAD, HUH?

dead howd

↓

FAKE. NO, HE'S KIDDING.

kidding

↓

YOU STINK.

↓

I THINK YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A GOOD CHRISTMAS, ALL RIGHT?

christmas

↓

YOU SMELL LIKE BEEF AND CHEESE.

cheese

↓

YOU DON'T SMELL LIKE SANTA.

santa

↓

OKAY.

↓

( gasps ) ( kids screaming )

gasps kids screaming

↓

HE'S AN IMPOSTER! HE'S NOT SANTA!

santa

↓

HE'S A FAKE! HE'S A FAKE! COME HERE. COME HERE!

↓

I SAW!

↓

HE'S A FAKE!

↓

HA HA! WHERE YOU GOING NOW? WHERE YOU GOING--?

↓

( cheering )

cheering

↓

Manager: OHH! OHH!

↓

NO!

↓

( grunting )

↓

HE'S NOT SANTA CLAUS!

santa

↓

HE'S NOT SANTA!

santa

↓

"TO SOMEONE SPECIAL."

special

↓

WHAT'S THAT? INTERCOM.

intercom

↓

ALL RIGHT.

↓

( phone rings )

phone rings

↓

YEAH? MR. HOBBS, THE POLICE ARE ON LINE ONE.

line

↓

POLICE. HELLO?

↓

( chatter )

↓

DAD!

↓

I KNEW THAT YOU'D COME, I LOVE YOU FOR COMING.

coming love

↓

OFFICER TOM, THIS IS MY DAD.

↓

THIS IS WALTER-- HE CAME.

↓

HE BAILED ME OUT.

↓

THEY GAVE ME ONE PHONE CALL.

phone

↓

THEY GAVE ME ONE PHONE CALL,

phone

↓

AND I SAID, "I KNOW WHO I'M GONNA CALL--

↓

WALTER HOBBS."

↓

AND SURE ENOUGH, YOU SHOWED UP.

↓

YOU DID, THEY SAID YOU WEREN'T GONNA SHOW UP.

↓

THEY TOLD ME SO MANY TIMES-- SHH SHH SHH SHH SHH.

shh times

↓

JUST WHO THE HECK ARE YOU, AND WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

problem

↓

I-I'M BUDDY, I'M YOUR SON.

buddy

↓

WAIT, UM...

↓

TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME, UH...

↓

WHERE'D YOU GET THIS PICTURE?

picture whered

↓

PAPA ELF GAVE IT TO ME.

↓

LISTEN...IS THIS SOME KINDA GAME?

game kinda

↓

WHAT DO YOU WANT, SOME MONEY?

money

↓

NO! I JUST WANTED TO MEET YOU,

meet wanted

↓

AND I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANNA MEET ME.

meet might

↓

WHO WOULDN'T WANNA MEET YOU?

meet

↓

I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD MAKE GINGERBREAD HOUSES,

↓

AND EAT COOKIE DOUGH, AND GO ICE SKATING, AND--

↓

AND MAYBE EVEN HOLD HANDS.

hands

↓

UH-HUH.

↓

COME WITH ME. OKAY.

↓

OKAY. WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?

↓

BUDDY, DON'T EAT THOSE.

buddy

↓

( gasps )

gasps

↓

OHH!

↓

WE GOTTA REALLY HURRY UP, WALTER,

hurry

↓

'CAUSE I'M DOUBLE BOOKED THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON.

double rest

↓

AM I SICK?

sick

↓

YEAH, BUT THAT'S NOT WHY WE'RE HERE.

↓

WE'RE HERE TO DO A TEST, COME ON.

↓

WHAT KINDA TEST? JUST A TEST TO FIND OUT

kinda

↓

IF YOU'RE MY SON OR NOT. WHY AM I SITTING ON PAPER?

paper sitting

↓

BECAUSE IT'S SANITARY FOR THE OTHER PATIENTS.

↓

NOW, SIT STILL SO I CAN DO THE FINGER PRICK.

↓

( gasps ) FINGER PRICK!

gasps

↓

OHH! IT'S COLD.

cold

↓

YEAH, JUST PLEASE SIT STILL, PLEASE?

↓

OKAY, CAN I LISTEN TO YOUR NECKLACE?

↓

NO, YOU CAN'T. WILL YOU JUST SIT STILL--

↓

WHY IS THERE A SKELETON OVER THERE? I DON'T KNOW.

↓

WALTER, CAN YOU PLEASE HAVE HIM SIT STILL?

↓

DOES HE HAVE A NAME? NO, HE HASN'T GOT A NAME.

name

↓

I'M SORRY, BEN, I AM SORRY.

↓

I HAVE A LOT OF PATIENTS WAITING.

waiting

↓

WOULD YOU PLEASE SIT STILL? PLEASE.

↓

HE GOT MAD AT ME. YES, HE DID. HE DID.

yes

↓

THE SOONER YOU SIT STILL, THE SOONER WE CAN

↓

GET THIS MESS OVER WITH.

↓

OKAY. THEN CAN WE EAT SUGAR PLUMS?

↓

YOU BETCHA-- WE'LL EAT SUGAR PLUMS,

↓

HAVE GINGERBREAD HOUSES, AND WE'LL EVEN PAINT EGGS.

eggs

↓

WELL, PAINT EGGS, THAT'S EASTER.

eggs

↓

OW!!! OHH...

↓

MY FINGER HAS A HEARTBEAT.

↓

IT WON'T HURT SO MUCH AFTER A LITTLE.

hurt

↓

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

name

↓

BUDDY.

buddy

↓

I'M CAROLYN.

↓

HI.

↓

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?

christmas

↓

A SUZY-TALKS-A-LOT.

↓

I'LL PUT IN A GOOD WORD WITH THE BIG MAN.

word

↓

THANKS. YOUR COSTUME IS PRETTY.

thanks

↓

OH, IT'S NOT A COSTUME. I'M AN ELF.

↓

WELL, TECHNICALLY, I'M A HUMAN,

↓

BUT I WAS RAISED BY ELVES.

↓

OH, I'M A HUMAN RAISED BY HUMANS.

↓

HMM. COOL.

cool

↓

( door opens ) SO?

door door-opens opens

↓

IT'S A BOY... BUDDY'S YOUR SON.

↓

THAT'S VERY IMPOSSIBLE.

↓

YOU--YOU SAW THAT GUY OUT THERE.

↓

HE'S--HE'S CERTIFIABLY INSANE.

↓

HE'S PROBABLY JUST REVERTING

↓

TO A STATE OF CHILDLIKE DEPENDENCY.

↓

AN ELF?

↓

WHAT HE NEEDS IS TO BE NURTURED.

needs

↓

OH, I SEE.

↓

SO, UM, UH...

↓

YOU'D LIKE ME TO BREASTFEED HIM?

↓

WALTER, JUST BRING HIM HOME.

bring home

↓

INTRODUCE HIM TO EMILY AND MICHAEL,

michael

↓

AND ONCE--ONCE HE COMES TO TERMS WITH REALITY,

comes

↓

HE SHOULD DROP THE WHOLE ELF THING AND MOVE ON WITH HIS LIFE.

drop life whole

↓

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO IF I WERE YOU.

↓

OH, MY GOD! WALTER, THIS IS...

↓

THIS IS WONDERFUL,

↓

YOU--YOU HAVE ANOTHER SON.

another

↓

WONDERFUL. OH, GOSH, I--

gosh

↓

I GUESS I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY.

↓

THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I...

incredible

↓

YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE COMPLICATED,

↓

BUT IT'S NOTHING THAT WE CAN'T HANDLE.

handle

↓

HONEY? WHAT?

honey

↓

HE THINKS HE'S AN ELF.

thinks

↓

I'M SORRY, WHAT?

↓

HE THINKS HE'S A CHRISTMAS ELF.

christmas thinks

↓

OH, COME ON, WALTER,

↓

I'M SURE HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY THINK HE'S AN ELF.

↓

AND THEN, I TRAVELED THROUGH THE SEVEN LEVELS

seven

↓

OF THE CANDY CANE FOREST,

↓

PASSED THE SEA OF SWIRLY-TWIRLY GUMDROPS,

↓

AND THEN, I WALKED THROUGH THE LINCOLN TUNNEL.

↓

AHH.

↓

SO, WHERE WERE YOU FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS?

years

↓

THE NORTH POLE.

↓

CAN YOU PASS THE MAPLE SYRUP, PLEASE?

↓

I--I DIDN'T PUT... IT'S SPAGHETTI.

↓

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I HAVE SOME.

↓

YES.

yes

↓

YOU LIKE SUGAR, HUH?

↓

IS THERE SUGAR IN SYRUP?

↓

YES.

yes

↓

THEN YES.

yes

↓

WE ELVES TRY TO STICK TO THE FOUR MAIN FOOD GROUPS--

food four stick

↓

CANDY, CANDY CANES, CANDY CORNS, AND SYRUP.

↓

SO, WILL YOU BE STAYING WITH US, THEN?

↓

YOU MEAN I CAN STAY?

↓

OF COURSE YOU CAN. EMILY.

course

↓

HOW--HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE WITH US?

↓

I--I HADN'T REALLY PLANNED IT OUT,

↓

BUT I WAS THINKING, LIKE...FOREVER.

forever thinking

↓

EMILY? CAN I JUST SPEAK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE

minute

↓

IN THE, UH, KITCHEN, PLEASE?

↓

ARE YOU CRAZY? HE CANNOT STAY HERE.

cannot crazy

↓

CLEARLY HE HAS SOME SERIOUS ISSUES.

↓

WE CAN'T JUST THROW HIM OUT IN THE SNOW.

throw

↓

WHY NOT? HE LOVES THE SNOW.

↓

HE'S TOLD ME 15 TIMES.

times

↓

WALTER, HE'S YOUR SON.

↓

( belching )

↓

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

↓

YOU ARE SO WEIRD.

weird

↓

DAD?

↓

DAD?

↓

DAD! ( door opens )

door door-opens opens

↓

WHAT?

↓

( whispering ) I can't go to sleep

whispering

↓

unless I get tucked in.

↓

WHAT?

↓

I can't go to sleep unless I get tucked in.

↓

I AM NOT GONNA TUCK YOU IN.

↓

I--I PROMISE I'LL GO RIGHT TO SLEEP.

promise

↓

FINE.

↓

TICKLE FIGHT, TICKLE FIGHT! BUDDY, STOP.

buddy fight

↓

TICKLE FIGHT. TICKLE-- STOP, STOP, STOP.

fight

↓

SORRY.

↓

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

↓

HEY, UH...

↓

( clears throat )

clears clears-throat throat

↓

YOU JUST LAY THERE AND GO TO SLEEP.

↓

OKAY.

↓

OKAY.

↓

DAD? HMM?

↓

I LOVE YOU.

love

↓

OKAY. GO TO SLEEP NOW.

↓

WELL, THIS IS REALLY SOMETHING.

↓

I'M USUALLY THE ONE MAKING BREAKFAST.

breakfast usually

↓

THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.

↓

OKAY.

↓

OH, THAT'S GOOD.

↓

GOOD? GOOD.

↓

GOOD.

↓

SO, DID YOU, UM...

↓

DID YOU SLEEP OKAY LAST NIGHT?

night

↓

GREAT. I GOT A FULL 40 MINUTES.

full minutes

↓

AND I HAD TIME TO BUILD THAT ROCKING HORSE.

build

↓

UH, OH, MY GOSH. YOU ACTUALLY MADE THAT?

gosh

↓

WHERE DID YOU GET ALL THE WOOD?

↓

GOOD MORNING, HONEY. GOOD MORNING, DAD.

honey morning

↓

WALTER, BUDDY HAS MADE US BREAKFAST.

breakfast buddy

↓

ISN'T THAT NICE? ( grunts )

↓

AND LUNCH.

lunch

↓

AND LUNCH.

lunch

↓

Emily: BYE.

↓

SO, DAD, HOW MANY SCOOPS?

↓

I'LL STICK WITH THE COFFEE NOW, THANKS.

coffee stick thanks

↓

SO, DAD...

↓

I PLANNED OUT OUR WHOLE DAY.

whole

↓

FIRST, WE'LL MAKE SNOW ANGELS FOR TWO HOURS,

hours

↓

AND THEN WE'LL GO ICE SKATING, AND THEN WE'LL EAT A WHOLE ROLL

whole

↓

OF TOLLHOUSE COOKIE DOUGH AS FAST AS WE CAN,

fast

↓

AND THEN, TO FINISH, WE'LL SNUGGLE.

finish

↓

I'VE GOT TO GO TO WORK, BUDDY.

buddy

↓

OH, AND ANOTHER THING--

another

↓

IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE STAYING HERE,

↓

YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT, YOU KNOW,

↓

GETTING RID OF THE COSTUME.

↓

BUT I'VE WORN THIS MY WHOLE LIFE.

life whole

↓

YOU'RE NOT IN THE NORTH POLE ANY LONGER.

longer

↓

YOU WANNA MAKE ME HAPPY, DON'T YOU?

happy

↓

MORE THAN ANYTHING.

↓

THEN, LOSE THE TIGHTS. I MEAN, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

lose

↓

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE?

↓

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

↓

OKAY.

↓

Emily: I ALMOST FORGOT--

forgot

↓

AAH! AAH!

↓

( horns honking ) ( sirens wailing )

↓

GOOD MORNING.

morning

↓

( cell phone rings )

phone rings

↓

( ring )

↓

WALTER HERE.

↓

( gasps ) IT WORKED, IT'S YOU.

gasps worked

↓

HOW'D YOU GET THIS NUMBER?

howd number

↓

EMILY LEFT AN EMERGENCY LIST.

emergency left list

↓

I SEE.

↓

AND, UH, IS THIS AN EMERGENCY?

emergency

↓

THERE'S A HORRIBLE NOISE

noise

↓

COMING FROM THE EVIL BOX UNDERNEATH THE WINDOW.

coming evil window

↓

IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS...

sounds

↓

( screeches and wails )

↓

IT'S, UH, IT'S-- IT'S NOT EVIL, BUDDY,

buddy evil

↓

IT'S, UH, IT'S A RADIATOR,

↓

AND THE HEAT MAKES NOISE WHEN IT COMES ON.

comes makes noise

↓

NO, IT DOESN'T. IT--IT'S VERY EVIL.

evil

↓

IT'S SCARY TO LOOK AT. IT'S...OKAY...

scary

↓

I'M GOING TOWARD... OH, WAIT. YES, IT IS.

yes

↓

OKAY, IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.

↓

EVERYTHING'S FINE.

↓

YOU WERE RIGHT.

↓

OKAY, GOOD, UH, I'M GONNA HANG UP NOW.

hang

↓

I LOVE YOU.

love

↓

I'LL CALL YOU IN FIVE MINUTES.

five five-minutes minutes

↓

NO, NO, BUDDY, DON'T, UH...

buddy

↓

YOU--YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME, OKAY?

↓

GOOD IDEA, YOU CALL ME.

idea

↓

OKAY. I'M GONNA HANG UP NOW.

hang

↓

I PAINTED A PICTURE OF A BUTTERFLY.

picture

↓

GOOD. I'M GONNA HANG UP NOW.

hang

↓

I TUNED THE PIANO.

↓

OKAY, I LOVE YOU. BYE.

love

↓

MMM...

↓

MMM...MMM.

↓

MMM.

↓

( sighs )

sighs

↓

HOBBS. HEY!

↓

HOW YOU DOING? PLEASE, SIT DOWN.

↓

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE THE RETREAT.

seen

↓

YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD.

looking

↓

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YOU AS WELL.

↓

TO WHAT DO I OWE THE, UH, PLEASURE?

↓

WELL, TO BE HONEST, I GOT A CALL FROM MY NIECE.

↓

SHE WANTS TO KNOW

wants

↓

HOW A CERTAIN PUPPY AND A CERTAIN PIGEON

↓

ESCAPE THE CLUTCHES OF A CERTAIN EVIL WITCH.

evil

↓

BELIEVE ME, UH,

believe

↓

WE'RE ALREADY LOOKING FOR NEW PRINTERS.

looking

↓

THIS ONE HAS OBVIOUSLY GOTTEN A LITTLE SLOPPY.

gotten obviously

↓

MAYBE IT ISN'T THE PRINTER WHO'S GOTTEN SLOPPY.

gotten

↓

THAT'S YOUR SIGNATURE, RIGHT?

↓

YOU KNOW, WE COULD SIT HERE AND POINT FINGERS ALL DAY.

fingers point

↓

I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU--

news

↓

EVEN IF THOSE TWO PAGES WERE IN THERE,

↓

THE BOOK STILL WOULD HAVE SUCKED.

book

↓

HAVE YOU SEEN THE NUMBERS FOR THIS QUARTER?

seen

↓

UH, THEY'LL BE HERE TODAY. OH, THEY'RE IN.

today

↓

THAT FRIGGIN' PUPPY AND PIGEON

↓

ARE TANKING HARD, HOBBS.

hard

↓

MY PEOPLE ESTIMATE WE'RE GONNA POST

post

↓

A MINUS EIGHT FOR THIS QUARTER.

eight minus

↓

A MINUS EIGHT! THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN!

eight happen minus

↓

YOU KNOW, WE'LL-- WE'LL BOUNCE BACK, WE--

bounce

↓

NO, NO, NO. NO? WELL...

↓

WE'RE GONNA SHIP A NEW BOOK

book ship

↓

THE FIRST QUARTER.

↓

FIRST QUARTER?

↓

I'M GONNA BE BACK IN TOWN ON THE 24TH.

town

↓

AT THAT TIME, I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR

love

↓

IN EXACT DETAIL

↓

WHAT YOUR PLANS ARE FOR THIS NEW BOOK.

book

↓

UH, WAIT A MINUTE, THE, UH, THE 24TH, THAT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.

christmas minute

↓

AND?

↓

AND, UH...

↓

NO PROBLEM. BE GREAT TO HAVE YOU IN THE LOOP.

problem

↓

( school bell rings )

bell bell-rings rings school school-bell school-bell-rings

↓

Michael: ALL RIGHT, I GOT EVERY WEAPON IN THE GAME.

game michael

↓

I GOT FULL HEALTH, I GOT FULL ARMOR.

full

↓

MICHAEL!

michael

↓

I GOT FULL...

full

↓

MICHAEL!

michael

↓

IT'S ME BUDDY!

buddy

↓

YOU KNOW THAT GUY?

↓

NO, I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.

seen

↓

IT'S ME BUDDY! YOUR BROTHER!

buddy

↓

OH, MAN.

↓

NO, MICHAEL! WAIT! IT'S YOUR BROTHER BUD--

michael

↓

( tires screech )

↓

SORRY. SORRY! ( horn honks )

↓

MICHAEL! MICHAEL!

michael

↓

MICHAEL!

michael

↓

MICHAEL, WAIT UP!

michael

↓

MICHAEL! MICHAEL!

michael

↓

WOW, YOU'RE FAST.

fast

↓

I'M GLAD I CAUGHT UP WITH YOU.

caught glad

↓

I WAITED FIVE HOURS FOR YOU.

five hours

↓

WHY IS YOUR COAT SO BIG?

↓

SO, GOOD NEWS-- I SAW A DOG TODAY.

news today

↓

HAVE YOU SEEN A DOG? YOU PROBABLY HAVE.

seen

↓

HOW WAS SCHOOL? WAS IT FUN?

school

↓

DID YOU GET A LOT OF HOMEWORK, HUH?

↓

DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS?

friends

↓

DO YOU HAVE A BEST FRIEND?

best friend

↓

DOES HE HAVE A BIG COAT, TOO?

↓

GO AWAY!

↓

OW! SON OF A NUTCRACKER!

↓

RUN!

↓

Boy: GET HIM! GET THE GREEN GUY!

green

↓

( boys cheering )

boys cheering

↓

OH, NO. THESE GUYS ARE BAD NEWS.

bad news

↓

WE BETTER GET OUTTA HERE.

outta

↓

YOU KNOW WHAT? WE CAN TAKE 'EM.

↓

OKAY, JUST START MAKING AS MANY SNOWBALLS AS YOU CAN.

start

↓

( grunts ) YOU READY?

ready

↓

LET'S GO. AAH! OW.

↓

OW!

↓

Boy: RUN!

↓

( crying )

↓

Michael: OH, MAN. ONE GOT AWAY.

michael

↓

SNOWBALL.

↓

Kid: UNH!

↓

WOW.

↓

WHERE DID YOU SAY YOU WERE FROM?

↓

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

↓

♪ CANDLES BURNIN' LOW ♪

↓

♪ LOTS OF MISTLETOE ♪

↓

♪ LOTS OF SNOW AND ICE EVERYWHERE WE GO ♪

↓

♪ CHOIRS SINGIN' CAROLS RIGHT OUTSIDE MY DOOR ♪

door

↓

♪ ALL THESE THINGS AND MORE ♪

↓

I WISH DAD WERE HERE.

wish

↓

WHY?

↓

'CAUSE HE'S THE GREATEST DAD IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

greatest whole world

↓

ARE YOU KIDDING?

kidding

↓

HE'S THE WORST DAD IN THE WORLD.

world

↓

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

↓

ALL HE DOES IS WORK.

↓

WORKING'S FUN.

↓

NOT THE WAY HE DOES IT.

↓

ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS MONEY.

cares money

↓

HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU, OR ME, OR ANYBODY.

anybody care

↓

WELL, HE IS ON THE NAUGHTY LIST.

list

↓

YOU LIKE HER?

↓

LIKE WHO?

↓

THE GIRL YOU'RE STARING AT.

girl

↓

OH, UH...

↓

YEAH.

↓

WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER OUT?

↓

OUT?

↓

YOU KNOW, ON A DATE...TO EAT FOOD.

date food

↓

FOOD?

food

↓

YES, REAL FOOD, NOT CANDY.

food real yes

↓

AND IF SHE SAYS YES, YOU'RE IN.

yes

↓

IT'S LIKE A SECRET CODE GIRLS HAVE.

code secret

↓

WELL, LOOK WHO IT IS.

↓

HI, JOVIE. HI.

↓

OH, UH, THIS IS MICHAEL.

michael

↓

I'M HIS BROTHER.

↓

HI.

↓

SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

↓

DID GIMBEL'S GIVE YOU YOUR JOB BACK?

↓

NO. BUT THINGS WORKED OUT PRETTY GOOD.

worked

↓

THEY GAVE ME A RESTRAINING ORDER.

↓

WELL, UM, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET OUTTA HERE.

outta

↓

HO HO HO!

↓

BUT...I REALLY WANTED TO SEE YOU,

wanted

↓

AND--AND I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, AND I, UM...

↓

I FEEL REALLY WARM WHEN I AM AROUND YOU,

warm

↓

AND, UM, MY TONGUE SWELLS UP.

tongue

↓

SO...

↓

DO YOU WANNA GO EAT FOOD?

food

↓

DO I-- DO I WANNA EAT FOOD?

food

↓

MM-HMM.

↓

YOU KNOW, UH, THE CODE...FOOD.

code food

↓

WELL, I JUST HAD MY LUNCH BREAK.

break lunch

↓

OH, OKAY. I UNDERSTAND.

↓

BUT I'M FREE ON THURSDAY.

free thursday

↓

THURSDAY! THURSDAY!

thursday

↓

COME ON. THAT'D BE GREAT.

↓

ALL RIGHT.

↓

Buddy: WAS THAT OKAY?

buddy

↓

YOU DID GREAT, MAN.

↓

WHAT SHOULD WE PUT ON IT FIRST?

↓

LIGHTS! OH, GOOD.

lights

↓

AND THEN, AFTER THAT?

↓

ORNAMENTS! ORNAMENTS, OKAY.

↓

WHAT THE HELL'S THAT?

↓

Michael: A CHRISTMAS TREE.

christmas michael

↓

A CHRISTMAS TREE?

christmas

↓

BUDDY CHOPPED IT DOWN IN THE PARK.

buddy park

↓

EMILY.

↓

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT.

deal

↓

THEY WERE JUST HAVING A LITTLE FUN.

having

↓

OH, FUN? SO FELONIES ARE FUN NOW?

↓

I THOUGHT, SEE, FELONIES WERE FELONIES.

↓

OKAY, THE TREE THING WAS BAD.

bad

↓

I'LL GET HIM TO PLANT ANOTHER ONE.

another

↓

BUT AT LEAST MICHAEL IS HAPPY FOR ONCE.

happy michael

↓

WHAT, UH, WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

supposed

↓

WELL, I DON'T THINK IT'S ANY SECRET, WALTER,

secret

↓

THAT YOU HAVEN'T EXACTLY BEEN THERE FOR HIM.

↓

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T WE JUST

↓

PULL HIM OUTTA SCHOOL AND LET THE, UH,

outta pull school

↓

DERANGED ELF MAN RAISE HIM?

↓

THEN THEY CAN HAVE LOTS OF FUN COMMITTING FELONIES.

↓

HOW ARE WE GONNA GET THE STAR ON TOP?

star

↓

I GOT IT.

↓

I MEAN, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

↓

WE CAN'T--WE CAN'T LEAVE HIM ALONE HERE.

alone

↓

HE'S GONNA DESTROY THE PLACE.

place

↓

WHY DON'T YOU, UM...

↓

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE OFF TOMORROW,

tomorrow

↓

YOU KNOW, AND YOU COULD STAY HOME AND WATCH HIM?

home watch

↓

OH, NO. NO, I CAN'T STAY HOME TOMORROW,

home tomorrow

↓

I HAVE A BUDGET MEETING TOMORROW.

budget meeting tomorrow

↓

WELL, HONEY, I CAN'T TAKE OFF,

honey

↓

I'M ONE--ONE BAD PITCH AWAY

bad

↓

FROM GETTING FIRED--ONE.

fired

↓

WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT, I HAVE AN IDEA THEN.

idea

↓

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE BUDDY TO WORK WITH YOU?

buddy

↓

( elevator chimes )

chimes

↓

HEY, WALTER. MORNING, JACK.

jack morning

↓

MORNING, JACK.

jack morning

↓

OH, GOOD MORNING, MR. HOBBS.

morning

↓

GOOD MORNING, SARAH. GOOD MORNING, SARAH.

morning

↓

THAT'S A NICE PURPLE DRESS. IT'S VERY PURPLE-Y

↓

FRANCISCO. HOW'S IT GOING, MR. HOBBS?

↓

FRANCISCO, THAT'S FUN TO SAY--"FRANCISCO."

↓

( gasps )

gasps

↓

HI! HI.

↓

DO YOU REMEMBER ME?

remember

↓

I DO. I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU.

↓

I KNOW, I'M IN WORK CLOTHES.

↓

THANK YOU, DEBORAH.

↓

THANKS, DEB.

thanks

↓

DEB, YOU HAVE SUCH A PRETTY FACE.

face

↓

YOU SHOULD BE ON A CHRISTMAS CARD.

christmas

↓

YOU JUST MADE MY DAY.

↓

EWW.

↓

BUDDY. HMM?

buddy

↓

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRINK THAT.

drink

↓

THANK YOU.

↓

FRANCISCO.

↓

FRANCISCO.

↓

FRANCISCO.

↓

FRANCISCO.

↓

BUDDY?

buddy

↓

( whispers ) Am I too loud?

loud

↓

JUST--JUST A LITTLE.

↓

Sorry.

↓

YES, BUD?

yes

↓

WHY IS YOUR NAME ON THE DESK?

name

↓

I BOUGHT THE DESK.

bought

↓

MY NAME'S THERE SO NO ONE STEALS IT.

↓

THAT'S A JOKE, ISN'T IT, DAD?

↓

YEAH, BUDDY, THAT'S A JOKE.

buddy

↓

SO, WHAT ARE WE GONNA BUILD?

build

↓

NO, UH, WE DON'T DO

↓

THAT KIND OF WORK HERE, PAL.

↓

( phone rings )

phone rings

↓

BUDDY THE ELF, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

buddy favorite

↓

PUT THAT DOWN. HELLO?

↓

HELLO? ( dial tone )

↓

PLEASE, DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.

touch

↓

SORRY.

↓

HEY...

↓

BUD, HAVE YOU-- HAVE YOU--

↓

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MAILROOM?

seen

↓

A MAILROOM? NO.

↓

NO? NO.

↓

OH, I MEAN, WOW.

↓

WOW...LISTEN, IT'S A PLACE WHERE MAIL

mail place

↓

FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD COMES,

comes world

↓

UH-HUH. AND THEY SORT IT OUT THERE, SEE?

↓

AND YOU CAN TOUCH IT ALL,

touch

↓

AND THEY PUT IT IN THESE SHINY BINS.

↓

SHINY BINS? RIGHT.

↓

WHAT DO YA THINK? IT SOUNDS GREAT.

sounds

↓

GOOD.

↓

CAN WE GO THERE?

↓

WELL, UM...

↓

I GOTTA WORK HERE, MAYBE-- MAYBE YOU CAN WORK THERE.

↓

OKAY, I'LL WORK THERE.

↓

( rap music playing )

music music-playing playing

↓

OH, I DON'T THINK THIS IS THE PLACE

place

↓

MY DAD WAS TALKING ABOUT.

↓

IS THERE A DIFFERENT MAILROOM?

↓

NO. THIS IS THE ONLY ONE.

↓

IT'S NOT VERY SHINY.

↓

NOW...OVER HERE'S THE TRENCH.

↓

ALL THE MAIL COMES OUT THAT SHOOTER.

comes mail

↓

SCAN AND FIND THE FLOOR EACH PIECE IS MOVING TO.

floor moving piece

↓

PUT IT IN A CANISTER

↓

AND SHOVE IT UP THE TUBE WITH THE SAME NUMBER.

number

↓

YOU GOT THAT?

↓

I THINK SO.

↓

THIS PLACE REMINDS ME OF SANTA'S WORKSHOP.

place

↓

EXCEPT IT SMELLS LIKE MUSHROOMS,

except

↓

AND EVERYONE LOOKS LIKE THEY WANNA HURT ME.

hurt

↓

UH, GREENWAY'S COMING IN TOMORROW,

coming tomorrow

↓

SO, WHAT-- WHAT DO WE GOT?

↓

WELL, MORRIS AND I HAVE BEEN BRAINSTORMING,

↓

AND WE'VE COME UP WITH WHAT I THINK

↓

IS A PRETTY BIG IDEA.

idea

↓

GREAT, WHAT?

↓

YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT, IT'S FANTASTIC.

love

↓

WHAT?

↓

OKAY, PICTURE THIS--

picture

↓

WE BRING IN MILES FINCH.

bring

↓

THE MILES FINCH?

↓

THE GOLDEN GHOST.

↓

WE BRING HIM IN!

bring

↓

HE'S WRITTEN MORE CLASSICS THAN DR. SEUSS.

↓

IT AIN'T GONNA BE EASY,

aint easy

↓

BUT I THINK IT'S WORTH A SHOT.

↓

MY TWO TOP WRITERS, MY CRACK TEAM, MY FUN SQUAD...

team

↓

YOU CAME IN HERE PITCHING ME

↓

THE IDEA OF HIRING ANOTHER WRITER?

another idea

↓

YEAH.

↓

MILES FINCH.

↓

I LIKE IT. ( chuckles )

chuckles

↓

I LIKE IT.

↓

THEN I TRAVELED THROUGH THE SEVEN LEVELS

seven

↓

OF THE CANDY CANE FOREST

↓

AND PASSED THE SEA OF SWIRLY-TWIRLY GUMDROPS.

↓

( gasps ) OOH!

gasps

↓

WOW...IT'S SUCKY.

↓

OHH, IT'S WONDERFUL. YES!

yes

↓

THAT IS MARVELOUS HOW THAT--

↓

OH! (laughs )

laughs

↓

OH, IT'S VERY SUCKY.

↓

IT'S VERY...SUCKY.

↓

WHOO.

whoo

↓

SO, HOW'D YOU GET HERE?

howd

↓

WORK RELEASE.

↓

MM.

↓

OH, SYRUP AND COFFEE?

coffee

↓

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? CAN I TRY SOME?

↓

BE MY GUEST.

↓

VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.

↓

MMM. ( gasps ) I LOVE SYRUP.

gasps love

↓

OHH, I LOVE IT.

love

↓

MMM...

↓

YOU KNOW, I KNOW I SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD,

record sound

↓

BUT WE ARE BUDDIES.

↓

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, THAT'S IT.

best friend

↓

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

best friend

↓

YOU KNOW, BUDDY, NOBODY AROUND HERE LISTENS TO ME.

buddy nobody

↓

I GOT REALLY GOOD IDEAS. YEAH? I BELIEVE IT.

believe

↓

I KNOW, I'M RIGHT, I LISTEN TO YOU.

↓

YOU HAVE GREAT IDEAS.

↓

I JUST TRY TO GO WITH THE FLOW, YOU KNOW?

↓

GOOD, YOU GO WITH THE FLOW.

↓

YEAH. GO WITH THE FLOW.

↓

NO, I GOTTA GET OUT OF THE FLOW.

↓

WELL, THEN GET OUT OF THE FLOW.

↓

I'M IN THE FLOW, THAT'S WHAT GOT ME HERE.

↓

I GOTTA--I'M 26 YEARS OLD, I GOT NOTHIN' TO SHOW FOR IT.

nothin years

↓

YOU'RE YOUNG. YOU'RE SO YOUNG.

young

↓

( sighs )

sighs

↓

MY PAPA... YEAH?

↓

HE DIDN'T MAKE MASTER TINKER TILL HE WAS 490, SO...

master

↓

( laughing )

laughing

↓

FOUR-HUNDRED AND NINETY? YEAH.

four

↓

( laughing )

laughing

↓

TICKLE FIGHT! TICKLE FIGHT!

fight

↓

TICKLE FIGHT! TICKLE FIGHT!

fight

↓

MY FAVORITE BOOK OF YOURS HAS GOTTA BE GUS' PICKLES.

book favorite

↓

IT'S EXISTENTIAL, YET IT'S SO ACCESSIBLE.

↓

UH, MR. FINCH, UH, EUGENE DUPRIS HERE.

↓

IT'S A THRILL JUST TO BE TALKING TO YOU

↓

ON OUR SPEAKERPHONE.

↓

MILES, UM, SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

↓

CAN YOU FLY IN TOMORROW?

tomorrow

↓

I'LL GIVE YOU FIVE HOURS TOMORROW,

five hours tomorrow

↓

NOT A MINUTE MORE.

minute

↓

OH, THAT'S-- THAT'S GREAT.

↓

I'D LIKE A BLACK S500 TO RECEIVE ME AT THE AIRPORT.

black

↓

I NEED THE INTERIOR OF THAT CAR

↓

TO BE 71 DEGREES EXACTLY.

↓

WE CAN DO THAT. Deborah: MR. HOBBS?

↓

THERE'S A SITUATION DOWNSTAIRS.

situation

↓

Finch: I'M SORRY, WHAT?

↓

NO, HOLD ON, MILES. DEB, HANG UP.

hang

↓

Finch: I DO NOT HOLD. DO NOT PUT ME ON HOLD.

↓

Deborah: WE HAVE A PROBLEM IN THE MAILROOM.

problem

↓

WHAT'S GOING ON?

↓

DON'T SPEAK-- DEBORAH, HANG UP!

hang

↓

Finch: THAT'S IT, I'M GONE. MILES!

↓

Finch: I'LL BE THERE TOMORROW--71 DEGREES.

tomorrow

↓

Deborah: SIR, CHUCK IN THE MAILROOM

↓

NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU.

needs

↓

CHUCK...WHAT, CHUCK?

↓

I MEAN, WHAT COULD BE GOING ON DOWN THERE

↓

THAT'S SO IMPORTANT YOU HAD TO INTERRUPT ME, WHAT?

↓

♪ WHOOMP, THERE IT IS! A LITTLE LOUDER ♪

↓

♪ WHOOMP, THERE IT IS! COME ON, Y'ALL ♪

yall

↓

♪ WHOOMP! THERE IT IS ♪

↓

♪ UPSIDE DOWN AND INSIDE OUT ♪ HEY!

↓

♪ I'M 'BOUT TO SHOW ALL YOU FOLKS ♪

↓

♪ WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT ♪ HEY!

↓

♪ TIME FOR ME TO GET ON THE MIKE ♪

↓

♪ AND MAKE THIS MOTHER OF A PARTY HYPE ♪

mother party

↓

♪ I'M TAKIN' YOU BACK TO THE OLD SCHOOL ♪

school

↓

♪ 'CAUSE I'M A OLD FOOL WHO'S SO COOL ♪

cool fool

↓

♪ IF YOU WANNA GET DOWN, I'M GONNA YOU THE WAY ♪

↓

♪ WHOOMP, THERE IT IS, LET ME HEAR YOU SAY ♪

↓

♪ WHOOMP, THERE IT IS! COME ON, Y'ALL ♪

yall

↓

♪ WHOOMP! THERE IT IS A LITTLE LOUDER ♪

↓

♪ WHOOMP, THERE IT IS! COME ON, Y'ALL ♪

yall

↓

♪ WHOOMP, THERE IT IS! ♪

↓

( door buzzer )

door

↓

COMING.

coming

↓

( You Make Me Feel So Young playing )

playing young

↓

HI.

↓

WOW.

↓

YOU LOOK MIRACULOUS.

↓

SO DO YOU.

↓

THANK YOU.

↓

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?

↓

I GOT SOME IDEAS.

↓

JUST REACH OUT IN FRONT OF YOU AND--AND TAKE A SIP.

front reach

↓

DON'T LOOK. THERE YOU GO.

↓

WELL?

↓

IT TASTES LIKE A CRAPPY CUP OF COFFEE.

coffee

↓

( chuckles ) NO.

chuckles

↓

IT IS A CRAPPY CUP OF COFFEE.

coffee

↓

NO, IT'S THE WORLD'S BEST CUP OF COFFEE.

best coffee worlds

↓

THE TRICK IS TO NOT GET YOUR ARM CAUGHT IN THE DOOR!

caught door trick

↓

ALSO, NEVER CLOSE YOUR EYES 'CAUSE THEN YOU'LL GET SICK!

eyes sick

↓

OKAY, WHEN YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE, YOU JUST JUMP IN!

↓

( laughing ) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

laughing

↓

I'M SKIPPING. I'M SKIPPING. I'M SKIPPING.

↓

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT-- ONE MORE, ONE MORE.

↓

NOW, LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS ONE.

↓

COME WITH ME.

↓

WATCH OUT. (tires screech )

watch

↓

YELLOW ONES DON'T STOP.

ones

↓

THE YELLOW ONES DON'T STOP.

ones

↓

WOW...THAT'S A BIG ONE.

↓

I'M SORRY.

↓

YOU MISSED.

missed

↓

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I MISSED?

missed

↓

YOU MISSED.

missed

↓

( elevator chimes )

chimes

↓

MILES FINCH.

↓

MILES FINCH.

↓

MILES FINCH.

↓

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.

↓

MILES, I'M SO HAPPY YOU COULD COME, UH--

happy

↓

YEAH.

↓

I'M WALTER HOBBS. YEAH, LET'S GET THE, UH...

↓

TAKEN CARE OF SO WE CAN GET STARTED HERE.

care started

↓

HERE YOU GO.

↓

Finch: GREAT.

↓

ALL RIGHT... ( clears throat )

clears clears-throat throat

↓

WHAT HAVE YOU GUYS GOT SO FAR?

↓

GO AHEAD.

ahead

↓

UH...

↓

WE WERE THINKING, UH, SOMETHING LIKE THIS, UH--

thinking

↓

WE OPEN ON A YOUNG TOMATO.

open young

↓

HE'S HAD SOME TOUGH TIMES DOWN AT THE FARM

times tough

↓

WITH, YOU KNOW, A RABBIT, AND--

rabbit

↓

NO. NO TOMATOES...

↓

TOO VULNERABLE.

↓

KIDS, THEY'RE ALREADY VULNERABLE.

kids

↓

NO, YOU SEE? I--I TOLD YOU GUYS.

↓

I TOLD THEM THE VERY SAME THING--

↓

AND NO FARMS.

↓

EVERYBODY'S PUSHIN' SMALL TOWN RURAL.

town

↓

A FARM BOOK WOULD JUST BE WHITE NOISE.

book noise white

↓

WHAT ABOUT THIS?

↓

UH, A TRIBE OF ASPARAGUS CHILDREN,

children

↓

BUT THEY'RE SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT THE WAY THEIR PEE SMELLS.

↓

APPARENTLY, ALL WE HAVE IS VEGETABLES.

vegetables

↓

I HAVE NO TIME, SO, YOU KNOW,

↓

IF YOU'VE GOT A STORY HERE--

story

↓

I'VE GOT ABOUT FIVE OR SIX GREAT STARTS HERE.

five starts

↓

I'VE GOT ONE IDEA THAT I'M ESPECIALLY

idea

↓

PSYCHED OUT OF MY MIND ABOUT.

mind

↓

YOU KNOW, IT'S ONE OF THOSE IDEAS

↓

WHERE YOU'RE JUST LIKE, UH...

↓

YES!

yes

↓

WHOA! ( chuckling )

whoa

↓

UH, GREAT, C-COULD WE HEAR IT?

↓

I'LL START WITH THE COVER. PICTURE THIS--YOU GOT, UH--

picture start

↓

DAD! I'M IN LOVE, I'M IN LOVE,

love

↓

AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!

care knows

↓

BUDDY, NOT NOW, UH,

buddy

↓

CAN YOU PLEASE GO BACK TO THE--TO THE PIT?

↓

I'LL COME AND VISIT YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE, OKAY?

↓

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD ELVES WORKING HERE.

working

↓

OH...BOY, YOU'RE--YOU'RE HILARIOUS, MY FRIEND.

friend

↓

HE DOESN'T, UH... GET BACK TO

↓

THE STORY, PLEASE. ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

story

↓

( clears throat )

clears clears-throat throat

↓

SO, ON THE COVER ABOVE THE TITLE--

↓

DOES SANTA KNOW THAT YOU LEFT THE WORKSHOP?

left santa

↓

YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALL LAUGHING OUR HEADS OFF.

heads laughing

↓

DID YOU HAVE TO BORROW A REINDEER TO GET DOWN HERE?

↓

BUDDY--GO BACK TO THE BASEMENT.

buddy

↓

Finch: HEY, JACK WEED,

jack

↓

I GET MORE ACTION IN A WEEK

action week

↓

THAN YOU'VE HAD YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

entire life

↓

I'VE GOT HOUSES IN L.A., PARIS, AND VAIL,

↓

OH. EACH ONE OF THEM

↓

WITH A 70-INCH PLASMA SCREEN.

↓

SO, I SUGGEST YOU WIPE

↓

THAT STUPID SMILE OFF YOUR FACE

face stupid

↓

BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AND SMACK IT OFF!

↓

YOU FEELIN' STRONG, MY FRIEND?!

friend

↓

CALL ME ELF ONE MORE TIME!

↓

( whispers ) He's an angry elf.

↓

( growling ) LOOK AT YOU.

↓

OW! HEY, WHAT--

↓

AAH!

↓

I WASN'T READY FOR THAT.

ready

↓

AAH! HEY, HEY, HEY!

↓

HEY, HEY, HEY! WHOA!

whoa

↓

OOH...

↓

CALL ME ELF ONE MORE TIME!

↓

CALL ME ELF!

↓

YOU'RE AN ELF.

↓

( glass shatters )

↓

MILES, I'M SORRY, HE-- HE THINKS HE'S AN ELF.

thinks

↓

LISTEN, MILES...

↓

LISTEN, MILES! ( door slams )

door

↓

HE MUST BE A SOUTH POLE ELF.

must south

↓

YOU GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE.

outta

↓

WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO GO?

↓

I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU GO.

care

↓

I DON'T CARE THAT YOU'RE AN ELF!

care

↓

I DON'T CARE THAT YOU'RE NUTS!

care nuts

↓

I DON'T CARE THAT YOU'RE MY SON!

care

↓

GET OUT OF MY LIFE NOW!

life

↓

Emily: HI, IT'S ME.

↓

I REALLY CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.

↓

WELL, JUST TELL ME HOW THE PITCH WENT.

↓

I'M GONNA BE A LITTLE LATER THAN I THOUGHT, OKAY?

↓

WELL, DON'T BE TOO LATE, WALTER,

late

↓

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.

christmas

↓

WALTER... WAIT, UM.

↓

HONEY, I GOTTA GO, OKAY? LOVE YA.

honey love

↓

OH, SAY HI TO BUDDY.

buddy

↓

WHAT? WALTER, BREAKTHROUGH.

↓

WE FOUND THIS IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM.

found room

↓

WHAT IS IT?

↓

IT'S MILES FINCH'S NOTEBOOK.

↓

THIS THING IS CHOCK FULL OF GENIUS IDEAS.

full genius

↓

I MEAN, LOOK AT THAT.

↓

AND HIS BEST IDEA IS ABOUT A PEACH THAT LIVES ON A FARM.

best idea lives

↓

WHAT'S MORE VULNERABLE THAN A PEACH?

↓

WHAT, UH, WHAT DO WE DO?

↓

I THINK WE SHOULD GO WITH THE FIRST PITCH--IT'S GENIUS.

genius

↓

UH, HOW MUCH TIME WE GOT?

↓

WE GOT, LIKE, 45 MINUTES. WELL, COME ON, LET'S, UH,

minutes

↓

TRY TO GET A STORYBOARD OR SOMETHING READY.

ready

↓

COME ON, LET'S DO IT. JUST TRY.

↓

NO, YOU CAN'T SIT DOWN AND GET A STORYBOARD READY.

ready

↓

GO AND GET A STORYBOARD READY.

ready

↓

OH, BOY! GO.

↓

"I'M SORRY I RUINED YOUR LIVES

lives ruined

↓

"AND CRAMMED 11 COOKIES INTO THE VCR.

↓

"I DON'T BELONG HERE. I DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE.

↓

I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU. LOVE, BUDDY."

buddy forget love

↓

GOD...

↓

HEY, BUDDY.

buddy

↓

BUDDY?

buddy

↓

AS YOU KNOW, WE NEED A BIG LAUNCH FAST

fast launch

↓

TO GET THE COMPANY BACK ON TRACK.

company track

↓

SO, I THINK I SPEAK FOR MY FELLOW BOARD MEMBERS

board

↓

WHEN I SAY... THIS BETTER BE GOOD.

↓

BEFORE I GET INTO THE STORY, UH,

story

↓

LET ME START WITH THE COVER, OKAY?

start

↓

NOW, JUST PICTURE THIS--

picture

↓

DAD! I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.

↓

Walter: MICHAEL, WHAT IS IT?

michael

↓

BUDDY RAN AWAY.

buddy

↓

WHAT? HE--HE LEFT A NOTE.

left note

↓

I'M SCARED, DAD, HE'S GONE.

↓

UH, LET ME JUST FINISH THIS MEETING,

finish meeting

↓

AND THEN, UM, WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT, OKAY?

figure

↓

FIGURE OUT WHAT? BUDDY CARES ABOUT EVERYBODY.

buddy cares everybody figure

↓

ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS YOURSELF.

care

↓

HEY, MICHAEL.

michael

↓

WAIT.

↓

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO RESCHEDULE THIS, UH, MR. GREENWAY.

↓

WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO RESCHEDULE.

↓

I WANNA HEAR THE DAMN THING NOW.

↓

SON, YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT.

↓

NO, D-DON'T TELL MY KID WHAT TO DO, UH...

↓

CAN'T--CAN'T WE DO THIS ANOTHER TIME, MR. GREENWAY?

another

↓

I FLEW IN JUST TO HEAR THIS PITCH,

↓

AND I INTEND TO.

↓

IT'S GONNA HAVE TO WAIT.

↓

IF YOU WANNA KEEP YOUR JOB, HOBBS,

↓

YOU WILL PITCH ME THIS BOOK RIGHT NOW.

book

↓

WELL...UP YOURS.

↓

YEAH, UP YOURS. HEY.

↓

HOBBS...HOBBS!

↓

HOBBS, YOU WALK OUT OF HERE,

walk

↓

AND--AND YOU'RE FINISHED AT GREENWAY!

↓

YOU'RE FINISHED!

↓

I DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE.

↓

BUDDY!

buddy

↓

BUDDY!

buddy

↓

BUDDY, WHERE ARE YOU?!

buddy

↓

PRANCER, PULL! COME ON! COME ON!

pull

↓

VIXEN, UP, UP!

↓

SANTA?

santa

↓

COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT.

↓

PULL UP! PULL UP!

pull

↓

DAD! WHAT?

↓

MICHAEL, WHERE YOU GOING?

michael

↓

MICHAEL!

michael

↓

SANTA.

santa

↓

BACK OFF, SLICK. DON'T SCARE THE DEER.

↓

BUDDY, IS THAT YOU?

buddy

↓

ARE YOU OKAY?

↓

BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.

glad

↓

THE CLAUSOMETER SUDDENLY JUST DROPPED DOWN TO ZERO.

dropped

↓

THERE'S JUST NO CHRISTMAS SPIRIT ANYMORE.

anymore christmas

↓

AND THEN THE STRAIN WAS TOO MUCH--

↓

THE ENGINE BROKE FREE OF HER MOUNTS.

broke engine free

↓

I NEED AN ELF'S HELP.

↓

I...I'M NOT AN ELF, SANTA.

santa

↓

I...I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT.

↓

BUDDY, YOU'RE MORE OF AN ELF THAN ANYONE I EVER MET,

buddy

↓

AND THE ONLY ONE WHO I WOULD WANT

↓

WORKING ON MY SLEIGH TONIGHT.

sleigh tonight working

↓

REALLY? REALLY.

↓

WILL YOU FIX IT FOR ME, BUDDY?

buddy

↓

I'LL TRY. PAPA TAUGHT ME HOW.

taught

↓

YOU GOTTA FIND IT FIRST.

↓

IT DROPPED OFF THE SLEIGH BACK OVER THERE A WAYS.

dropped sleigh ways

↓

THE ENGINE? THE ENGINE, YEAH.

engine

↓

GO, BUDDY. GO, MR. ELF!

buddy

↓

( chuckles )

chuckles

↓

I'M STANDING HERE OUTSIDE CENTRAL PARK

park

↓

WHERE IT IS UNCLEAR EXACTLY WHAT HAS HAPPENED.

happened

↓

WHAT WE DO KNOW IS THAT AUTHORITIES

↓

HAVE CLOSED THE PARK

park

↓

AND ARE IN THE PROCESS OF CLEARING IT.

↓

THE ONLY THING THAT PEOPLE CAN SEEM TO AGREE ON HERE

agree

↓

IS THAT THEY SAW SOMETHING FALL FROM THE SKY.

fall

↓

I'VE GOT AN EYEWITNESS WITH ME

eyewitness

↓

WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE SEEN THE WHOLE THING FIRSTHAND.

seen whole

↓

WHAT DID YOU ACTUALLY SEE?

↓

YOU KNOW, I WAS WALKING AROUND AND I SAW THIS THING,

↓

AND MY DAUGHTER ACTUALLY POINTED IT OUT TO ME.

daughter

↓

OH, YOUR DAUGHTER SAW IT?

daughter

↓

SWEETHEART, CAN YOU TELL ME

sweetheart

↓

WHAT YOU SAW FALLING OUT OF THE SKY?

falling

↓

IT WAS SANTA'S SLEIGH!

sleigh

↓

( News woman chuckles )

chuckles news woman

↓

SANTA'S SLEIGH, WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT.

sleigh

↓

SANTA'S IN MANHATTAN.

↓

SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR FIRST BIG NEWS STORY, CHARLOTTE,

news story

↓

BUT NEW YORK ONE HAS JUST RECEIVED

↓

SOME EXCLUSIVE AMATEUR NEWS FOOTAGE

news

↓

THAT YOU JUST MIGHT WANNA FOLLOW UP ON.

might

↓

THERE SEEMS TO BE A STRANGE MAN DRESSED AS AN ELF

seems

↓

WANDERING THROUGH CENTRAL PARK.

park

↓

NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS THE KIND OF HARD-HITTING NEWS

hard news

↓

YOU'RE USED TO COVERING IN BUFFALO, CHARLOTTE,

used

↓

OH, MY GOD. BUT HERE AT NEW YORK ONE,

↓

NEWS IS TOP PRIORITY.

news

↓

WHAT THE HECK...?

↓

HEY!

↓

YOU FOUND IT. BUDDY!

buddy found

↓

I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

↓

NO, NO. BUDDY, THERE'S SOMETHING

buddy

↓

I HAVE TO TELL YOU RIGHT NOW.

↓

UM, I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING I SAID BACK THERE, NOT A WORD.

word

↓

I KNOW YOU MAY BE A LITTLE, UM, UM...

↓

UH, CHEMICALLY IMBALANCED,

↓

BUT YOU'VE BEEN RIGHT ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS.

↓

I--I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE.

↓

YOU'RE MY SON, AND I...LOVE YOU.

love

↓

UH, BUDDY, UH...

buddy

↓

WHAT WAS IT YOU WANTED TELL ME?

wanted

↓

OH, RIGHT. COME WITH ME.

↓

RIGHT. COME ON.

↓

I'M HERE WITH ANOTHER EYEWITNESS

another eyewitness

↓

WHO HAS HIS OWN VERSION OF WHAT HAPPENED.

happened

↓

SIR, WHAT DID YOU SEE?

↓

I THINK YOU'RE GREAT, CHARLOTTE.

↓

UH, I SAW SOMETHING FALL FROM THE SKY

fall

↓

RIGHT INTO THE MIDDLE OF CENTRAL PARK.

middle park

↓

I MEAN, YOU'RE A GREAT NEWS LADY.

lady news

↓

THANK YOU.

↓

COULD YOU TELL ME A BIT MORE

↓

ABOUT WHAT YOU SAW FALL FROM THE SKY?

fall

↓

YEAH, YEAH. YOUR EYES TELL THE STORY,

eyes story

↓

THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU. YOU'VE GOT A GREAT MOUTH.

love mouth

↓

THE THING JUST DROPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF CENTRAL PARK.

dropped middle park

↓

IT WAS AMAZING, AND EVERYBODY'S, LIKE, GOING CRAZY.

amazing crazy

↓

DICK, UH, ACCORDING TO AUTHORITIES,

according

↓

THE AREA HAS BEEN CLEARED.

area

↓

ONLY THE CENTRAL PARK RANGERS NOW REMAIN IN THE PARK.

park

↓

THESE FORCES ARE HIGHLY TRAINED,

↓

BUT RARELY SEE ACTION.

action

↓

SOME HAVE ACCUSED THEM OF BEING TOO GUNG HO

↓

WHEN CALLED INTO DUTY,

called

↓

AND THEIR CONTROVERSIAL CROWD CONTROL TACTICS

control

↓

AT THE SIMON AND GARFUNKEL CONCERT IN '85

↓

ARE STILL UNDER INVESTIGATION.

↓

I KNEW YOU'D FIND IT, MR. ELF!

↓

SLAP IT ON REAL QUICK, WE'VE GOT TO GET GOING.

quick real

↓

THATTA BOY.

↓

( chuckles )

chuckles

↓

SO, UH... YOU'RE, UH...

↓

SANTA CLAUS. RIGHT.

santa

↓

WOULD YOU MIND TAKING THIS TO YOUR FIRSTBORN?

mind

↓

SURE.

↓

UM, UH, AND MY FIRSTBORN, HE'S AN ELF?

↓

YES. ACTUALLY, I'M ADOPTED.

yes

↓

UH, MICHAEL, WOULD YOU OPEN THIS HATCH FOR ME, PLEASE?

hatch michael open

↓

THATTA BOY, THANK YOU.

↓

SO, YOU'RE REALLY SANTA CLAUS?

santa

↓

YOU NEVER CAN TELL, KID.

↓

TELL ME, MICHAEL,

michael

↓

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?

christmas

↓

I WANTED A SKATEBOARD.

wanted

↓

OH, NOT JUST A SKATEBOARD.

↓

A REAL HUF BOARD. LOOKEE HERE.

board real

↓

LOOKEE HERE--

↓

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

↓

GO LOOK AND SEE.

↓

WHOA.

whoa

↓

WHAT HAPPENED?

happened

↓

YOU MADE MY SLEIGH FLY.

sleigh

↓

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

↓

WELL, BEFORE THE TURBINE DAYS,

days

↓

THIS BABY USED TO RUN SOLELY ON CHRISTMAS SPIRIT.

baby christmas used

↓

YOU BELIEVED IN ME. YOU MADE MY SLEIGH FLY.

believed sleigh

↓

HOLD IT--IF YOU'RE REALLY SANTA CLAUS,

santa

↓

THEN WE CAN JUST GET SOME NEWS CAMERAS IN HERE,

news

↓

AND EVERYONE WILL BELIEVE IN YOU,

believe

↓

THEN YOUR SLEIGH WILL FLY, RIGHT?

sleigh

↓

CHRISTMAS SPIRIT IS ABOUT BELIEVING, NOT SEEING.

christmas seeing

↓

IF THE WHOLE WORLD SAW ME, ALL WOULD BE LOST.

lost whole world

↓

THE PAPARAZZI HAVE BEEN TRYING TO NAIL ME FOR YEARS.

years

↓

( horse whinnies )

↓

HEY, LOOK!

↓

( horse whinnies )

↓

OH, NO.

↓

IT'S THE CENTRAL PARK RANGERS.

park

↓

( horses whinny )

↓

DAD, MICHAEL... I GOT A PLAN.

michael plan

↓

Santa: WHOA, WAIT! WAIT, MICHAEL--MY LIST!

list michael santa whoa

↓

YOU BRING THAT LIST BACK RIGHT NOW, YOU HEAR ME?!

bring list

↓

COME ON, GIVE ME YOUR HAT AND COAT.

↓

MRS. CLAUS MADE THEM FOR ME.

↓

HEY! HEY, HERE I AM!

↓

HO HO HO!

↓

HEY, HO HO HO! HEY! HEY!

↓

EXCUSE ME. THANK YOU. EXCUSE ME.

excuse

↓

SO THE AUTHORITIES HAVE NOT DISCOVERED

↓

ANY REINDEER IN THE PARK?

park

↓

NO, NO REINDEER. SLEIGH BELLS?

sleigh

↓

NO, NO SLEIGH BELLS, EITHER.

sleigh

↓

ELVES? EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.

excuse

↓

NONE OF THAT, WE REALLY JUST NEED EVERYONE--

↓

IT'S HIM, IT'S THE REAL SANTA!

real santa

↓

HIS SLEIGH WON'T FLY, 'CAUSE NOBODY BELIEVES IN HIM!

nobody sleigh

↓

Charlotte: DID YOU SEE SOMETHING IN THE PARK?

park

↓

EVERYONE OUT THERE,

↓

SANTA NEEDS US TO BELIEVE, I CAN PROVE HE'S REAL.

believe needs real santa

↓

LOOK, THIS IS HIS LIST!

list

↓

OKAY...WELL, FURTHER CONFIRMATION

↓

THAT THERE HAS BEEN A SANTA SIGHTING TONIGHT.

santa tonight

↓

WE HAVE THE NAUGHTY AND NICE LIST.

list

↓

LYNN KESSLER WANTS A POWER PUFF GIRLS PLAY SET.

power wants

↓

( gasps )

gasps

↓

MARK WEBER WANTS AN ELECTRIC GUITAR.

wants

↓

YES!

yes

↓

CAROLYN REYNOLDS WANTS A SUZY-TALKS-A-LOT.

wants

↓

THANKS, BUDDY.

buddy thanks

↓

DIRK LAWSON WANTS

wants

↓

A DAY OF PAMPERING AT BURKE WILLIAMS SPA.

williams

↓

STAN TOBIAS WANTS A POWER PUMPER WATER PISTOL.

power wants water

↓

MUST BE ANOTHER DIRK LAWSON.

another must

↓

DAVE KECKLER WANTS SOME NIKE SHOX.

wants

↓

OKAY, UH, WELL, OBVIOUSLY WE HAVE

obviously

↓

A NEW DEVELOPMENT IN THE STORY, UH,

story

↓

A CONFIRMATION THAT SANTA MUST HAVE BEEN SIGHTED

must santa

↓

BECAUSE WE HAVE HIS BOOK RIGHT HERE.

book

↓

( chuckles ) WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

chuckles name

↓

UH, I'M CHARLOTTE DENON, NEW YORK ONE.

↓

"D," "D..."

↓

CHARLOTTE DENON WANTS A TIFFANY ENGAGEMENT RING

wants

↓

AND FOR HER BOYFRIEND TO STOP DRAGGING HIS FEET

boyfriend feet

↓

AND COMMIT ALREADY.

↓

( crowd oohs and aahs )

↓

WE'VE GOT POWER!

power

↓

Newsman: CHARLOTTE...CHARLOTTE?

↓

HEY, TURN THE CAMERAS BACK ON!

↓

WHO TOLD YOU TO SAY THAT?

↓

IT'S THE REAL SANTA.

real santa

↓

WE NEED TO GET THESE CAMERAS BACK ON.

↓

HE NEEDS OUR HELP!

needs

↓

HEY, MICHAEL, ARE YOU OKAY?

michael

↓

YEAH, I'M FINE.

↓

BUT BUDDY, HE'S--HE'S IN THE PARK WITH SANTA,

buddy park santa

↓

THE SLEIGH WON'T FLY

sleigh

↓

'CAUSE THERE'S NO CHRISTMAS SPIRIT.

christmas

↓

MICHAEL! MOM!

michael

↓

MICHAEL! OHH!

michael

↓

ARE YOU OKAY? I'M FINE.

↓

THE BEST WAY TO SPREAD CHRISTMAS CHEER

best christmas

↓

IS SINGING LOUD FOR ALL TO HEAR.

loud

↓

( sighs )

sighs

↓

BUDDY--BETTER GET GOING, GET IN NOW!

buddy

↓

SANTA, I'M NOT DONE WITH THE ENGINE YET!

engine santa

↓

CAN'T WAIT!

↓

ON, DASHER, ON, DANCER...

↓

I'M NOT DONE WITH THE ENGINE!

engine

↓

( Santa cheers )

cheers santa

↓

THAT'S OKAY.

↓

YOU GET STARTED, I'LL CATCH UP!

catch started

↓

YOU KNOW, HE WASN'T LYING.

lying

↓

( chuckles ) MERRY CHRISTMAS.

christmas chuckles

↓

( chuckle )

chuckle

↓

SANTA, I CAN'T--

santa

↓

STOP MESSING AROUND AND GET IN!

messing

↓

AAH! ( toy squeals )

↓

SANTA, WHY ARE THEY CHASING US?!

santa

↓

I PUT THEM ON THE NAUGHTY LIST,

list

↓

AND THEY NEVER FORGAVE ME.

↓

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER NOT CRY ♪

watch

↓

♪ YOU BETTER NOT POUT, I'M TELLIN' YOU WHY ♪

↓

♪ SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN' TO TOWN ♪

comin santa town

↓

Santa: YAAH, YAAH, YAAH!

santa

↓

Santa: UP, UP, PULL UP!

pull santa

↓

BUDDY! WE NEED POWER, WE'RE GONNA CRASH!

buddy power

↓

♪ HE'S MAKIN' A LIST, CHECKIN' IT TWICE ♪

list

↓

♪ GONNA FIND OUT WHO'S NAUGHTY AND NICE ♪

↓

♪ SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN' TO TOWN ♪

comin santa town

↓

♪ HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING ♪

↓

♪ HE KNOWS WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE ♪

knows

↓

♪ HE KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD ♪

bad knows

↓

♪ SO BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE ♪

goodness

↓

♪ OH, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER NOT CRY ♪

watch

↓

♪ YOU BETTER NOT POUT, I'M TELLIN' YOU WHY ♪

↓

♪ SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN ♪

coming santa town

↓

( devilish laughter ) AAH!

laughter

↓

Santa: YOU CAN DO IT! COME ON, DANCER.

santa

↓

THAT'S MY BOY.

↓

PULL, CUPID! AAH!

pull

↓

PULL, DASHER!

pull

↓

I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS JOB.

↓

NOW!

↓

( screaming )

screaming

↓

( laughing )

laughing

↓

THE ENGINE'S GONE!

↓

WE'RE TOAST!

↓

( screaming )

screaming

↓

WELL, STILL NO SIGN OF SANTA,

santa sign

↓

BUT SOME SPONTANEOUS CHRISTMAS CAROLING

christmas

↓

HAS BROKEN OUT

↓

RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF CENTRAL PARK.

front park

↓

LET'S HAVE A LISTEN IN.

↓

♪ HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING ♪

↓

♪ HE KNOWS IF YOU'RE AWAKE ♪

knows

↓

♪ HE KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD ♪

bad knows

↓

♪ SO BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE ♪

goodness

↓

HEY!

↓

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER NOT CRY ♪

watch

↓

♪ YOU BETTER NOT POUT, I'M TELLIN' YOU WHY ♪

↓

COME ON!

↓

♪ SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN' TO TOWN ♪

comin santa town

↓

Santa: JUST A LITTLE MORE!

santa

↓

HAI-YAH!

↓

♪ HE KNOWS WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE ♪

knows

↓

♪ HE KNOWS IF YOU'VE ♪

knows

↓

WAIT-- YOU'RE NOT SINGING.

↓

YES, I AM.

yes

↓

NO, YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE JUST MOVING YOUR LIPS.

moving

↓

SANTA!

santa

↓

MICHAEL, PLEASE, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

deal michael

↓

DAD.

↓

♪ I'M TELLIN' YOU WHY ♪

↓

♪ SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN ♪

coming santa town

↓

( laughing )

laughing

↓

( Santa chuckling )

santa

↓

OH! HA HA HA!

↓

Santa: NOW, MY BEAUTIES!

santa

↓

( Santa chuckling )

santa

↓

BYE-BYE.

↓

Santa: JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS!

days santa

↓

Newsman: CHARLOTTE? CHARLOTTE?

↓

WELL, I GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW FOR SURE

↓

WHAT HAPPENED THIS CHRISTMAS EVE

christmas happened

↓

IN CENTRAL PARK.

park

↓

HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

christmas

↓

HO HO HO!

↓

Papa Elf: AND SO, WITH A LITTLE HELP,

↓

BUDDY MANAGED TO SAVE CHRISTMAS.

buddy christmas save

↓

AND HIS SPIRIT SAVED A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE, TOO.

↓

♪ SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT ♪

forgot

↓

♪ AND NEVER BROUGHT TO MIND ♪

brought mind

↓

♪ SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT ♪

forgot

↓

WALTER STARTED HIS OWN INDEPENDENT PUBLISHING COMPANY.

company started

↓

HIS FIRST BOOK WAS WRITTEN BY A BRAND NEW,

book

↓

CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED CHILDREN'S AUTHOR.

↓

THE BOOK WAS ELF--

book

↓

A, UH, FICTIONAL STORY

story

↓

ABOUT AN ADOPTED ELF NAMED BUDDY

buddy

↓

WHO WAS RAISED IN THE NORTH POLE,

↓

WENT TO NEW YORK, ATE SPAGHETTI,

↓

WORKED IN A SHINY MAILROOM,

worked

↓

AND EVENTUALLY SAVED CHRISTMAS.

christmas

↓

"FIRST, I TRAVELED THROUGH THE SEVEN LEVELS

seven

↓

"OF THE CANDY CANE FOREST,

↓

"PASSED THE SEA OF TWIRLY-SWIRLY GUMDROPS,

↓

AND THEN, I WALKED THROUGH THE LINCOLN TUNNEL."

↓

AND AS FOR ME, I CAN'T COMPLAIN.

↓

BUDDY COMES UP TO VISIT FROM TIME TO TIME.

buddy comes

↓

♪ IN THE MEADOW WE CAN BUILD A SNOWMAN ♪

build

↓

♪ AND PRETEND THAT HE IS PARSON BROWN ♪

↓

OH, THANK YOU, JOVIE. THAT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU.

sweet

↓

YOU'RE WELCOME, PAPA.

welcome

↓

♪ BUT YOU CAN DO THE JOB WHEN YOU'RE IN TOWN ♪

town

↓

HEY, SUZIE.

↓

COME HERE, LITTLE ONE.

↓

♪ WHEN IT SNOWS, AIN'T IT THRILLIN'? ♪

aint

↓

PAPA WANTS TO SEE YOU.

wants

↓

♪ THOUGH YOUR NOSE GET A LITTLE CHILLIN' ♪

↓

BUDDY...

buddy

↓

♪ WE'LL FROLIC AND PLAY ♪ BUDDY...BUDDY...

buddy

↓

♪ THE ESKIMO WAY, WALKIN' IN A WINTER WONDERLAND ♪

↓

♪ IN THE MEADOW WE CAN BUILD A SNOWMAN ♪

build

↓

♪ AND PRETEND THAT HE IS PARSON BROWN ♪

↓

♪ HE'LL SAY, ARE YOU MARRIED, WE'LL SAY NO, MAN ♪

↓

♪ BUT YOU CAN DO THE JOB WHEN YOU IN TOWN, BROTHER ♪

town

↓

♪ LATER ON, WE'LL CONSPIRE ♪

↓

♪ AS WE DREAM BY THE FIRE ♪

dream fire

↓

♪ TO FACE UNAFRAID THE PLANS THAT WE MADE ♪

face

↓

♪ WALKIN' IN A WINTER WONDERLAND ♪

↓

♪ WALKIN' IN A WINTER WONDERLAND ♪

↓

♪ I REALLY CAN'T STAY ♪

↓

♪ BUT, BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE ♪

baby cold

↓

♪ I'VE GOT TO GO 'WAY ♪

↓

♪ BUT, BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE ♪

baby cold

↓

♪ THIS EVENING HAS BEEN ♪

↓

♪ BEEN HOPIN' THAT YOU'D DROP IN ♪

drop

↓

♪ SO VERY NICE ♪

↓

♪ I'LL HOLD YOUR HANDS, THEY'RE JUST LIKE ICE ♪

hands

↓

♪ MY MOTHER WILL START TO WORRY ♪

mother start worry

↓

♪ BEAUTIFUL, WHAT'S YOUR HURRY? ♪

hurry

↓

♪ AND FATHER WILL BE PACIN' THE FLOOR ♪

floor

↓

♪ LISTEN TO THAT FIREPLACE ROAR ♪

↓

♪ SO, REALLY, I'D BETTER SCURRY ♪

↓

♪ BEAUTIFUL, PLEASE DON'T HURRY ♪

hurry

↓

♪ WELL, MAYBE JUST A HALF A DRINK MORE ♪

drink half

↓

♪ PUT SOME RECORDS ON WHILE I POUR ♪

↓

♪ THE NEIGHBORS MIGHT THINK ♪

might

↓

♪ BABY, IT'S BAD OUT THERE ♪

baby bad

↓

♪ SAY, WHAT'S IN THIS DRINK? ♪

drink

↓

♪ NO CABS TO BE HAD OUT THERE ♪

↓

♪ I WISH I KNEW HOW ♪

wish

↓

♪ YOUR EYES ARE LIKE STARLIGHT NOW ♪

eyes

↓

♪ TO BREAK THE SPELL ♪

break spell

↓

♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR HAT, YOUR HAIR LOOKS SWELL ♪

hair

↓

♪ I OUGHT TO SAY NO, NO, NO, SIR ♪

↓

♪ MIND IF I MOVE IN CLOSER? ♪

mind

↓

♪ AT LEAST I'M GONNA SAY THAT I TRIED ♪

tried

↓

♪ WHAT'S THE SENSE OF HURTIN' MY PRIDE? ♪

pride

↓

♪ I REALLY CAN'T STAY ♪

↓

♪ BABY, DON'T HOLD OUT ♪

baby

↓

♪ AH, BUT IT'S COLD OUTSIDE ♪

cold

↓

♪ I SIMPLY MUST GO ♪

must

↓

♪ BUT, BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE ♪

baby cold

↓

♪ THE ANSWER IS NO ♪

answer

↓

♪ BUT, BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE ♪

baby cold

↓

♪ THIS WELCOME HAS BEEN ♪

welcome

↓

♪ I'M LUCKY THAT YOU DROPPED IN ♪

dropped

↓

♪ SO NICE AND WARM ♪

warm

↓

♪ LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AT THAT STORM ♪

window

↓

♪ MY SISTER WILL BE SUSPICIOUS ♪

sister

↓

♪ GOSH, YOUR LIPS LOOK DELICIOUS ♪

gosh

↓

♪ MY BROTHER WILL BE THERE AT THE DOOR ♪

door

↓

♪ WAVES UPON TROPICAL SHORE ♪

shore

↓

♪ MY MAIDEN AUNT'S MIND IS VICIOUS ♪

mind

↓

♪ OH, YOUR LIPS LOOK DELICIOUS ♪

↓

♪ WELL, MAYBE JUST A CIGARETTE MORE ♪

↓

♪ NEVER SUCH A PLEASURE BEFORE ♪

↓

♪ I'VE GOT TO GET HOME ♪

home

↓

♪ BUT, BABY, YOU'LL FREEZE OUT THERE ♪

baby

↓

♪ SAY, LEND ME YOUR COMB ♪

↓

♪ IT'S UP TO YOUR KNEES OUT THERE ♪

↓

♪ YOU'VE REALLY BEEN GRAND ♪

↓

♪ I THRILL WHEN YOU TOUCH MY HAND ♪

hand touch

↓

♪ BUT DON'T YOU SEE ♪

↓

♪ HOW CAN YOU DO THIS THING TO ME? ♪

↓

♪ THERE'S BOUND TO BE TALK TOMORROW ♪

tomorrow

↓

♪ THINK OF MY LIFELONG SORROW ♪

↓

♪ AT LEAST THERE WILL BE PLENTY IMPLIED ♪

↓

♪ IF YOU CAUGHT PNEUMONIA AND DIED ♪

caught

↓

♪ I REALLY CAN'T STAY ♪

↓

♪ GET RID OF THAT HOLD OUT ♪

↓

♪ AH, BUT IT'S COLD ♪

cold

↓

♪ OUTSIDE ♪