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Home » Elf » S01E01 — Elf

Elf

Season 1, Episode 1 — Elf

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OH, HELLO.
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YOU'RE, UH, YOU'RE PROBABLY HERE
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ABOUT THE, UH, THE STORY.
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ELVES LOVE TO TELL STORIES.
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I-I'LL BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT ABOUT ELVES.
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THERE'S, UH, PROBABLY A LOT OF THINGS
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YOU--YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ELVES.
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ANOTHER--ANOTHER INTERESTING, UH, ELFISM--
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UH, THERE ARE ONLY THREE JOBS AVAILABLE TO AN ELF.
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THE FIRST IS MAKING SHOES AT NIGHT
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WHILE, YOU KNOW, WHILE THE OLD...
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THE OLD COBBLER SLEEPS.
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LAZY BUM. COULDN'T EVEN MAKE A CLOG.
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YOU CAN BAKE COOKIES
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IN A TREE. HEY!
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AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, IT'S, UH, DANGEROUS HAVING AN OVEN
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IN AN OAK TREE DURING THE DRY SEASON.
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( screaming ) I WANNA MAKE SHOES!
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BUT THE THIRD JOB--UH, SOME CALL IT, UH,
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"THE SHOW," OR--OR "THE BIG DANCE,"
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IT'S THE PROFESSION THAT EVERY ELF ASPIRES TO,
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AND THAT IS TO BUILD TOYS IN SANTA'S WORKSHOP.
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ONLY TWO WEEKS LEFT TILL CHRISTMAS!
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( cheering )
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I-IT'S A JOB ONLY AN ELF CAN DO.
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OUR--OUR NIMBLE FINGERS,
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NATURAL CHEER, AND ACTIVE MINDS
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ARE PERFECT FOR TOY-BUILDING.
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THEY--THEY TRIED USING GNOMES AND TROLLS,
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BUT THE GNOMES DRANK TOO MUCH...
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( burps )
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...AND THE TROLLS WEREN'T TOILET TRAINED.
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( farts )
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NO HUMAN BEING HAS EVER SET-- SET FOOT IN SANTA'S WORKSHOP.
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UH, THAT IS UNTIL ABOUT 30 YEARS AGO,
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AND, AS YOU MAY HAVE GUESSED,
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THAT'S WHERE OUR STORY BEGINS.
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WOW!
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WHOA!
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OOH!
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WOW!
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WOW!
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( humming )
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OW! OW!
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WHOA!
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ARE YOU SLEEPY?
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HERE WE ARE.
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WE'RE JUST GOING TO MAKE YOU FEEL SO COMFORTABLE.