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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S07E02 — The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 7, Episode 2 — The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore

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Do you have any idea how horrifying it was
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to ride that back up to get my hair?
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Yeah, well, be thankful you got it back.
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I just wanna get my scalp sewn back on and get the hell out of this miserable town.
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I'm starting to wonder what the hell we ever saw in this place,
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you know what I mean?
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I mean, look at this girl. What's her story?
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She's got a decent bone structure.
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She was probably very pretty when she was young.
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- Yeah. - Probably spent her summers here,
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lounging on the beach and scooping ice cream.
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Mmm, but she didn't want her summers to end,
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so she got herself a fake I.D. and a push-up bra,
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- and started hanging out at the local bars - Right.
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Developed a nasty coke habit,
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- cause she loved the way it made her feel. - Mmm-hmm.
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But then extreme highs gave way to extreme lows
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and she fell into a depression.
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- Had herself a kid. - Mmm.
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Thought it would give her a sense of purpose.
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And it did, for a while, till she started using again.
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- Mmm-hmm. - And then social services
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came knocking at the door, and now the kid lives upstate
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with his grandparents, 'cause she can't take care of this kid.
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- No. - And here she is, festering away
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in a one-bedroom apartment, waiting for the H.I.V.
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- to turn into AIDS... - Ugh!
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...and wondering what the hell...
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You know I can hear you, right?
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Oh, sorry. We were just using you as a metaphor, though.
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- Yeah. - We didn't mean
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anything personal.
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Don't sweat it. You're not that far off.
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Hey.
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Hey, baby.
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- Jesus, are you seeing this? - Mmm-hmm.
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God, even the doctors in this town are drug dealers.
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Oh, hey. What are you doing?
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Who are you? Where did you come from? Get out of here! Drop it!
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No. Goddamn it! Goddamn you!
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I hate this town, Dennis!
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- I hate this town! - Okay, okay, all right.
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Well, calm down. It's understandable.
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- You are missing a piece of your scalp. - Yeah.
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Sounds like you two could use a break.
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Wanna come party with me and my friends?
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- Yeah. Yes. - Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
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- I'm so thirsty. - Well, gargle some more water, bitch.