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Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S07E01 — Frank's Pretty Woman

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 7, Episode 1 — Frank's Pretty Woman

↓

Good morning. South Philadelphia Animal Shelter.

morning philadelphia south

↓

Yes, hello. I would like to apply for an adoption, please.

yes

↓

Uh, what are you guys talking about?

↓

We're adopting a dog-fighting pit bull.

↓

We're gonna keep it in the bar, all right?

↓

Well, why wasn't I consulted about this?

↓

Because last time we tried to get a junkyard dog,

tried

↓

we wound up getting a junkyard cat,

↓

and that's exactly where you're gonna go with it.

↓

Yeah, because I don't want some goddamn snarling hellhound

goddamn

↓

running around inside of our bar. Are you crazy?

crazy running

↓

Look, we're going to rehabilitate the dog, okay?

↓

We don't want it to attack other dogs.

↓

Now we would like for it to attack people.

↓

- If it attacks a person, great. - Yeah.

person

↓

And, if the dog, or when the dog bites a customer,

↓

that person then can go home and have a great story for their friends.

friends home person story

↓

- It's a win-win for everybody. - Yeah, that's true, you know,

everybody

↓

You can be, like, "Dude, I got bit by a pit bull at a bar."

↓

- At Paddy's. It was awesome. - Awesome.

↓

And if you're an intruder, you should get bit by a pit bull.

↓

- I don't understand. - See, the biggest...

↓

Uh, how long do you think this process...

↓

...usually ta-it's just a dial tone now. She just hung up on me, for some reason.

reason usually

↓

Come here. Come here.

↓

Gimme that. Gimme that. Gimme that.

↓

Wait for me in the back-back.

↓

Okay, babe.

↓

Hey, who's that?

↓

It's my new girlfriend. Roxy.

roxy

↓

Mmm. Now that woman seems like a prostitute.

seems woman

↓

That's because she is.

↓

You're dating a prostitute?

dating

↓

Not for long.

↓

I'm gonna make that whore my wife.

wife

↓

Oh, yeah!

↓

- What the hell? - Oh, no.

↓

- Are they... - Oh, no.

↓

Yeah!

↓

that woman is unspeakably crass.

woman

↓

You're gonna marry that, Frank?

frank

↓

She's been my number-one girl for a long while now,

girl number

↓

but she's still plowing other dudes.

↓

In fact, Tiger Woods has been calling her lately.

calling fact

↓

- No, no, no. Hey, bullshit. - That can't be the truth, right?

truth

↓

There is no way that Tiger Woods is interested in that woman.

woman

↓

Look, can't you find someone who loves you for who you are?

↓

- Well... - That woman's only in it for the money.

money

↓

Mmm-mmm. Let me stop you real quick.

quick real

↓

Someone love Frank for who he is?

frank love

↓

Come on. No. He's got a ton of good qualities.

↓

- No, not really. - Yes, he does.

yes

↓

- I mean, like what... Like what? - Dude, the other day,

↓

we were hanging out under the bridge.

↓

We found a box of denim, and I'm like,

found

↓

"You know, these look like good jeans in here."

↓

And he's, like, "You want to split it with me, 50-50?"

↓

I mean, that's a nice thing to do.

↓

- I wanted you to have half of that denim. - He shared half the jeans.

half shared wanted

↓

- I mean, we should... - Charlie. Charlie.

charlie

↓

Stop wearing clothes you find washing up under bridges.

wearing

↓

- Oh, they're boiled. Yeah, we boil... - Yeah.

↓

- We boil all our denim. - Oh, good.

↓

- Well, they're boiled, so... - Hey.

↓

Hey, you know, there is some dirty crack whore in the alley,

↓

blowing the busboy from the restaurant down the street.

street

↓

This is exactly why we need that dog.

↓

Let's get that dog.

↓

Mac, you look bad. Really, really bad.

bad

↓

- What? - Yeah, is that your shirt or my shirt?

↓

- That's, like, way too small for you. - You look fat as shit.

↓

Okay, I'm getting... I'm getting very concerned

↓

with the integrity of our organization here.

↓

Mac, you have gained, I mean, 50 pounds of fat.

↓

- Mass. - Of fat.

↓

- Muscle. - Let's be clear. Fat.

clear

↓

- It's fat. - Frank, you are talking

frank

↓

about marrying hookers.

↓

This is ridiculous. What's going on with our group?

↓

- We're becoming the Gross Crew. - The Gross Crew?

crew

↓

The Gross Crew, and I don't like that.

crew

↓

- I don't want that, all right? - I don't want that.

↓

So, if we're gonna have this woman hanging around,

woman

↓

then we gotta clean her up or something.

clean

↓

I tell you what. What if we took a Pretty Woman

woman

↓

- and threw it Roxy's way. - Hey...

threw

↓

- A Pretty Woman? - Uh-huh.

woman

↓

That was a bullshit movie. People don't change like that.

change movie

↓

People change, Frank. Look at me.

change frank

↓

I went from a tiny twink to the muscle-bound freak you see before you.

↓

- You're not helping my argument. - Okay, yeah. And if you're gonna chime in,

↓

please don't do it with a mouthful of burrito.

↓

- This is a chimichanga. - You are becoming a chimichanga!

↓

All right, all of you,

↓

I'm gonna give you all 24 hours to do whatever you have to do,

hours

↓

but tomorrow night I am proposing to that dirty whore.

night tomorrow

↓

This is gonna be a little bit harder than we thought.

↓

- This woman is a real piece of shit. - Uh-huh.

piece real woman

↓

Where's Frank?

frank

↓

Don't worry about Frank, Roxy.

frank roxy worry

↓

Uh, we're here to help you turn your life around.

life

↓

See, a lot of times, the second act of someone's life

life second times

↓

- can be much better than the first. - Mmm-hmm.

↓

Well, yeah, we just want to make some changes in your life, Roxy.

life roxy

↓

- Perhaps get you some new clothes. - Uh-huh.

↓

Uh, hopefully, teach you some manners.

teach

↓

Shut up, baby dick.

baby

↓

- All right. Well, I'm out of here. - No, no, no, no, no, no.

↓

- No, I... - Don't go. Don't go.

↓

- We haven't even started yet. Come on. - Come on. Frank was right.

frank started

↓

This woman cannot change. People don't just change.

cannot change woman

↓

People change. She can change. I'm gonna change.

change

↓

What? You're gonna change? What the hell are you talking about?

change

↓

Well, I'm gearing up to get into my second act, you know?

second

↓

That's very exciting for me, and I'd like to help Roxy

exciting roxy

↓

- do the same thing, that's all. - No. No, no, Dee...

↓

- Aw, really? - What?

↓

- No, you're already in your second act. - Me?

second

↓

Yeah. We're all in our second acts. Don't you see that?

second

↓

And I, for one, I don't want things to change.

change

↓

I want them to stay the way they were, because my first act was awesome.

↓

See, your first act was shit,

↓

and that's why you're so desperate for things to be different.

↓

But they rarely ever do get different.

↓

If anything, God, they get worse. I mean, look at Mac.

worse

↓

- I got salsa on my shirt. - He got salsa on his shirt.

↓

Okay. Here's how things need to go from here on out.

↓

You gotta deal with this woman, because I can't handle it. All right?

deal handle woman

↓

She made things personal, and I won't stand for that.

personal stand

↓

Somebody needs to take care of Mac, and that's gonna be me,

care needs somebody

↓

because his fatness is starting to affect our entire crew.

crew entire starting

↓

- Mmm-hmm. - So I'm gonna take him with me,

↓

because the man is carrying around trash bags filled with Mexican foods.

trash

↓

What's that smell?

↓

Crack.

↓

- That is crack rock. - Mmm-hmm.

↓

- She's smoking crack. - Oh, she's smoking crack.

↓

Okay, she's smoking crack.

↓

This is no longer a safe environment for me.

longer

↓

- Mmm-hmm. - Mac, let's go. Come on.

↓

I gotta get out of here. Whew.

whew

↓

I got a really good thing going with Roxy. She's a sweet bitch.

roxy sweet

↓

Yeah, but she's mean.

↓

Dude, she's definitely only into you for the money.

money

↓

Well, so? Barbara was only into me for the money.

barbara money

↓

Yeah, but you deserve better than that, man.

deserve

↓

Look, I'm already on it, okay?

↓

I signed you up on a dating website. I got you a date, dude.

date dating

↓

- Yeah? - Check it out though.

check

↓

I got a little twist on this date.

date

↓

This girl does think she's meeting a millionaire.

girl meeting

↓

Why'd you say that, Charlie? That... Defeats the purpose.

charlie

↓

Well... I'm gonna be the millionaire.

↓

- Oh. Explain. - All right, check it out.

check explain

↓

You're gonna play my limo driver, right?

↓

You're just like a regular working stiff to this girl.

girl regular working

↓

She doesn't think you're a millionaire. Okay?

↓

Then we're out on the date and I'm like,

date

↓

"Oh, I don't... I don't feel very well. I gotta go home.

home

↓

"But let's not waste this date.

date

↓

"Why don't you finish the date with my limo driver?"

date finish

↓

- You know what I mean? - Smart, Charlie.

charlie smart

↓

I mean, yeah, she's not gonna be able to resist an opportunity like that.

able

↓

- A night with a limo driver? - This is a good idea.

idea night

↓

- Right? - I wanna give it a whirl.

↓

- All right, man. - All right, Charlie.

charlie

↓

Oh, here. I think these are done.

↓

- That first one's done? All right. - Yeah, this batch is done.

ones

↓

Just get 'em out. Get 'em out. Whoo, baby!

baby whoo

↓

Whoa! I burned myself on a rivet.

whoa

↓

Yeah.

↓

Mac, these blood tests are gonna show you

↓

the damage that you've been doing to your body,

↓

and my hope is that it will incentivize you

hope

↓

to finally lose some of this disgusting weight you've put on.

disgusting finally lose

↓

This is ridiculous, dude, okay?

↓

We're getting older. We're not gonna look 20 forever.

forever

↓

No, I am gonna look 20 forever, Mac,

forever

↓

because the older I get, the more vigilant I become.

become

↓

All right, I don't eat lunch anymore, for instance.

anymore lunch

↓

Yeah, and on odd days, I don't eat breakfast.

breakfast days

↓

- That sounds miserable. - No, dude, it's not miserable.

sounds

↓

Well, yeah, it is a little bit miserable, but it has to be, man.

↓

No pain, no gain. I am also constantly in motion.

↓

Like, right now, dude, I am doing leg lifts that are

↓

imperceptible to the human eye.

↓

I call 'em hummingbirds.

↓

And although I seem relaxed, I'm actually incredibly tense at all times.

times

↓

Dude, we've been through this, okay?

↓

- I'm cultivating mass. - Stop staying that.

↓

You are not cultivating mass, and if you are,

↓

stop cultivating and start harvesting.

start

↓

Bro, check this out. Try to move me.

check

↓

- Well, I'm not gonna try... - Try and move me, bro.

↓

Take a running start. Take a running start.

running start

↓

Excuse me.

excuse

↓

Did you want me to read these test results or not?

read

↓

Yeah. I was just trying to... Trying to move him.

↓

- He's like a brick wall. - You try to move me, Doc.

wall

↓

No, no, no, you're... read the results, Doc.

read

↓

Well, I see, uh, severe dehydration here,

↓

multiple vitamin deficiencies, anemia, low blood pressure.

↓

Ooh. Mac, look, I don't want you to fret, okay?

↓

I'm gonna get you on my exercise program.

program

↓

- I'm gonna get you fit as a fiddle. - These are...

↓

These are your results, Mr. Reynolds.

↓

What? No, those can't be my results.

↓

I'm healthy as shit.

↓

Well, uh, not according to your tests.

according

↓

I'm healthier than you, bro.

↓

Well, I wouldn't exactly say you're healthy.

↓

You have type 2 adult-onset diabetes.

↓

Type 2 adult-onset diabetes?

↓

What does that mean for me?

↓

Well, that means you're going to have to inject yourself

↓

several times a day with insulin,

times

↓

or else you probably need to think about losing a little weight.

losing

↓

Whoa.

whoa

↓

- But I'm healthy besides the diabetes? - Um, no.

↓

But I'm more healthier than he is,

↓

I think is the point that you're trying to make.

point

↓

- Even with the diabetes. I am more... - Dude, stop saying "diabetes."

↓

You sound like an ass...

sound

↓

You okay, dude?

↓

I'm fine. I've just, uh...

↓

been doing a lot of hummingbirds today. I'm good.

today

↓

- Have you eaten anything today? - No.

today

↓

All right. Let's get out of here, bro.

↓

I'm going to get you something to eat.

↓

- Okay... - I'm gonna lift you up.

lift

↓

Lift me up! What the hell?

lift

↓

I'm not as strong as I thought, Dennis.

↓

Okay, I've hurt my back.

hurt

↓

- Oh! - I'm shit-faced.

↓

Yeah, well, you downed that bottle of schnapps like it was a soda pop.

↓

Look, Roxy, I'm trying to give you a second chance here,

chance roxy second

↓

- but you're making it very difficult. - Hey, this jacket is awesome!

↓

Ooh, and it's tighter than dick skin, man.

↓

Can you watch your language, please, Roxy?

roxy watch

↓

We are in a classy place with classy clothes for classy people, okay?

place

↓

Don't talk about dick skin.

↓

Hi. Can I help you with something?

↓

No, thank you. We're just trying some stuff on.

stuff

↓

Um, okay.

↓

Well, you are aware that jacket is $500?

↓

- Are you implying we can't afford that? - Can you?

↓

- That's none of your business. - Um, it's exactly my business.

business

↓

- Uh... - Excuse me.

excuse

↓

- Screw your dick-skin jacket, man. - Oh, no, no, no!

↓

No, no! Roxy. Roxy. Oh, God, don't do that.

roxy

↓

- How do you like me now, gay boy? - Well, no... Okay. Don't call him gay,

↓

'cause it'd be one thing if he wasn't, but he clearly is,

↓

- so... - Is there a problem?

problem

↓

- Yeah, there's a problem, man. - No.

problem

↓

I'm trying to buy this coat, and this asshole here is giving me shit.

giving

↓

You are aware of the price?

↓

Well, yeah. 'Cause I have money.

money

↓

Oh, shit!

↓

Jerry, can I speak with you

↓

in my office, please?

office

↓

- You have got to be kidding me. - Ooh, boom!

kidding

↓

Face, Jerry! Face. Take a hike.

face

↓

Sorry about the gay stuff. That did cross a line.

line stuff

↓

Jerry, please? My office.

office

↓

Roxy!

roxy

↓

Holy shit! That was amazing.

amazing

↓

You humiliated that salesman, and then you had the capital to back it up.

↓

I love you, Roxy.

love roxy

↓

- Ooh, I gotta meet a client. - No, no, no, Roxy.

meet roxy

↓

You don't have to do that anymore. You know what?

anymore

↓

We should go find Frank, 'cause he's got a surprise for you.

frank surprise

↓

No, it's Tiger Woods.

↓

It's Tiger Woods?

↓

Yeah.

↓

Okay, this whole thing is blowing my mind.

mind whole

↓

Your life is way more glamorous than what I was picturing.

life

↓

Yeah, yeah.

↓

Now, help me dig these crack rocks out of my ass.

↓

- That's what I was picturing. - Yeah.

↓

That's more like what I was picturing.

↓

Charlie, I feel like a sack of shit

charlie

↓

- in this thing. - You look good.

↓

I feel like I'm a four-year-old going to my sister's wedding.

four

↓

You're the limo driver. You got to look the part, bud.

part

↓

You don't look like a millionaire.

↓

I am a casual millionaire from Texas.

↓

- Frank... - You look like a farmer.

farmer frank

↓

...I got the whole thing worked out. Now listen to me.

whole worked

↓

We go out on the date. I come down with a slight cough.

date

↓

Okay? I ask to be taken home.

home

↓

You take over. You charm the hell out of her.

↓

I'm so nervous.

nervous

↓

You know how long it's been since I've been with a non-pro?

↓

Will you relax?

↓

Oh. Hello.

↓

Tarnation!

↓

You look as pretty as a peach.

↓

Yes, you do.

yes

↓

Hoss Bonaventure, C.E.O.

↓

- Uh, this here is my limo driver, Frank. - Hi.

frank

↓

Now he's the finest driver in all the land,

↓

so you gonna get on just fine with him.

↓

- Hi. - Uh, hand down. Only say hello once.

hand

↓

He's nervous.

nervous

↓

All right, well, let's... Let's... Let's do this thing.

↓

Get your stuff and giddy on up.

stuff

↓

Calm down. You're gonna be good.

calm

↓

All right.

↓

Said, "hey good looking"

looking

↓

So, uh, how did you make your fortune?

↓

Hmm? Oh, uh...

↓

Well, uh, a-hustlin' and a-wrestlin'.

↓

Uh, you know, this and that.

↓

Uh, made a decent penny in boiled denims...

↓

And, uh, the bridge business mostly.

business

↓

Uh, oh, Frank up there, though, now, that man is rich in spirit.

frank

↓

He's rich in "caricature."

↓

Uh, and that's a true fortune, if you're asking me, to have that.

asking

↓

- So you build bridges? - Um, uh...

build

↓

- I'm kind of into bridges myself. - Yeah.

↓

I found a whole case of eggs under a bridge last week.

case eggs found week whole

↓

Perfect condition.

perfect

↓

None of them missing. None of them cracked.

missing

↓

I mean, who in their right mind

mind

↓

throws away a perfectly good case of eggs, this day and age?

case eggs

↓

It's a sick world, don't you think?

sick world

↓

Ah, he's good with the conversation and...

conversation

↓

Excuse me. Excuse me.

excuse

↓

I believe I'm coming down with a bit of something here.

believe coming

↓

I got bit by a crab under that same bridge.

↓

- Oh, did you? - Yeah.

↓

You ever been bit by a crab, hon?

↓

Can we maybe put this divider up?

↓

Well, no. We don't want to exclude a great man like Frank from the conver...

frank

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

- Call 911. - No, it's okay.

↓

I have a touch of consumption.

touch

↓

He's all right. Why don't we drop him off?

drop

↓

You and I will go to dinner, okay?

dinner

↓

Oh! I think I've been poisoned by my constituents.

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time?

↓

Yeah, he's got an egg. You might...

might

↓

Here. I'll pull over, okay?

pull

↓

You... You two can go to dinner together.

dinner

↓

Help me, somebody! Please, help me!

somebody

↓

Aw, shit, Charlie.

charlie

↓

What the hell went on back there?

↓

Uh, I swallowed, like, a million blood "capsulates..."

↓

'Cause I was gonna cough, like, you know, a handful of blood to make it real.

real

↓

And now I'm thinking, like, you're not supposed to eat them or something,

supposed thinking

↓

'cause they're making me really sick.

sick

↓

Aw, Charlie, you blew it.

charlie

↓

You're the one talking about eggs and crabs and shit.

eggs

↓

- I love eggs, Charlie. - I like eggs.

charlie eggs love

↓

- And I love crabs. - I like crabs.

love

↓

And I love boiling denim

love

↓

- and banging whores. - I love boiling... well.

love

↓

And I don't care if anybody doesn't like that about me.

anybody care

↓

- They don't have to stick around. - You're right.

stick

↓

- What's wrong with that chick? - Screw 'em.

↓

- I miss Roxy. - Yeah.

miss roxy

↓

- Roxy and I are made for each other. - Yeah.

roxy

↓

Tell you what, if it's Roxy you want...

roxy

↓

God.

↓

That's the last of it, I think.

↓

Tiger Woods? I cannot believe you invited him over here, Roxy.

believe cannot cannot-believe invited roxy

↓

My place is a mess.

place

↓

Oh, he's here.

↓

Are you ready? I'm ready. I'm very excited.

excited ready

↓

- Hello. - Who are you?

↓

Tiger Woods.

↓

- Hey, Tiger. - Hey, girl.

girl

↓

- You brought a friend? - Yeah.

brought friend

↓

- Good. I like that. - Mmm-hmm.

↓

- So, you ready to do this? - I know who you are.

ready

↓

Of course you do, honey. I'm very famous.

course honey

↓

No, no, no, no, no. Hold on a second.

second

↓

Roxy, this is not Tiger Woods.

roxy

↓

- What are you talking about? - I think this guy's an actor.

↓

He definitely pretended to be Donovan McNabb one time

↓

when I tried out for the Eagles.

tried

↓

Donovan McNabb? Eagles?

↓

I don't know what she's talking about. I play golf.

↓

Okay, Roxy, see, this is exactly why you gotta stop doing this shit.

roxy

↓

And, sir, seriously?

↓

Okay, all right. All right, I'm sorry.

↓

You got me, all right? I'm busted.

↓

I am an actor. My name is Don Cheadle.

name

↓

No, you're not Don... What are you doing? What's going on?

↓

I don't care who he is if he pays me 500 bucks to rub my feet.

care feet

↓

- Did you say 500 bucks? - Mmm-hmm.

↓

- To rub your feet? - Mmm-hmm.

feet

↓

- You don't have sex with him? - Mm-mm-mmm.

↓

I'm into foot shit.

foot

↓

Interesting.

interesting

↓

What shoe size are you, by the way?

shoe

↓

Hey! Your feet are bizarrely huge.

feet huge

↓

Man will go crazy for that.

crazy

↓

I don't care for how you describe them, but what are we talking here?

care

↓

- What kind of money are we talking? - Uh, well, I don't know.

money

↓

Maybe we could pop those boots off and kick it around a bit.

↓

Well, it never hurts to talk, does it?

hurts

↓

Just do it.

↓

That's... He's cute.

cute

↓

- Oh, God. - Chimichanga, chimichanga...

↓

- Mac... - Chimichanga, chimichanga, chimichanga.

↓

- Chimichangas are delicious. - I told you, dude.

↓

- So good. Oh! - I told you.

↓

Why would you not want to eat one of these every day of your life?

life

↓

- Oh, my God. - I mean, they're delicious.

↓

They're full of carbs, which is great for a pump,

full pump

↓

- and they're cheap as shit. - Oh.

↓

- Hence the garbage bags filled with them. - Exactly. No restrictions.

↓

- No restrictions, dude. - No restrictions.

↓

Oh, I love this no-restrictions thing, man.

love

↓

In that vein, I want you to take a look at that chimichanga.

↓

I want you to say to yourself, "Chimichanga, you are delicious,

↓

- "but what do I really want?" - Do I really want?

↓

What do you want more than anything else in the entire world?

entire world

↓

What do I want more than anything else in this entire world?

entire world

↓

Yes.

yes

↓

- Crack. - Oh.

↓

I thought you were gonna say pizza or...

pizza

↓

- Yeah. No, no, no. - Buffalo wings or something.

wings

↓

- You want crack? - Yeah, crack cocaine.

↓

- Now, I've never had crack. - Dude, you are going to love it.

love

↓

- I am? - It's so good.

↓

- Let's do it. - Let's do it.

↓

- No restrictions, baby. No restrictions. - No restrictions.

baby

↓

Aw, man, this is gonna be awesome, dude.

↓

- Do you want some insulin? - Oh, shit.

↓

Yo.

↓

Uh-huh.

↓

You did what now?

↓

Oh, she is?

↓

I don't get it, but I don't need to.

↓

Okay, we'll see you there. Okay, bye.

↓

Um, dude, so apparently,

↓

Charlie just puked blood all over some lady in a limousine,

charlie lady

↓

and Dee is sucking off Don Cheadle or something.

↓

And Frank wants to go ahead and get married to Roxy as soon as possible.

ahead frank roxy wants

↓

So we gotta fire down there. Dude, we can get crack from Roxy.

fire roxy

↓

Let's get crack from Roxy.

roxy

↓

Okay, perfect. Now do you want some of this insulin?

perfect

↓

- No, I just want crack. - Okay, we'll get down there.

↓

And on the way, let's fire down to John Wanamaker's

fire john

↓

and get ourselves a couple of Tommy Bahama shirts.

couple

↓

Are you familiar?

↓

Yeah. See what you mean about these shirts, bro.

↓

- Yeah. - You'll grow into yours, buddy.

buddy grow

↓

Yeah. Comfy as shit. They hide your fatness.

hide

↓

They're ugly as all hell, but I have a feeling

feeling ugly

↓

I'm gonna like 'em a lot more when I'm high as shit on crack.

↓

What's up, ass-dicks?

↓

"Ass-dicks?" Is that how you're gonna talk from now on?

↓

Look. I'm not taking no shit no more, so get used to it.

used

↓

Also, I'm gonna become a foot girl.

become foot girl

↓

All right, gross. Whatever. Frank, you ready?

frank ready

↓

- Oh, yeah. - I'm ready.

ready

↓

Okay, Roxy, Frank would like to say a few words.

frank roxy words

↓

- Everybody. - Gather round.

everybody

↓

- Roxy. - Frank.

frank roxy

↓

You are good shit,

↓

and I want to make this legit.

↓

I'm still gonna pay you,

↓

but I want you to stop banging other guys.

↓

What do you say? Want to be my wife or what?

wife

↓

Holy shit.

↓

- Oh, my God. Oh, my... - Uh. Ooh.

↓

- Whoops. - Christ!

↓

No, it's okay. She does this from time to time.

↓

She's had an excessive amount to drink, so...

drink

↓

Okay. Well, Roxy, get up. Come on.

roxy

↓

- Roxy. - Come on, Roxy.

roxy

↓

Big day for Frank here.

frank

↓

We don't have a ton of time, Rox. Get up!

↓

The bitch is dead.

dead

↓

How could she be dead?

dead

↓

I'm telling you, her heart popped.

heart telling

↓

She was smoking crack in the car the whole way here and also all day long.

whole

↓

- She got no pulse. - Oh, my God.

↓

- Holy shit. - Call 911.

↓

- Call an ambulance. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

↓

- No, no, no. No, no, no. - Whoa, whoa. What?

whoa whoa-whoa

↓

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

↓

We gotta think this through, okay?

↓

Dead hooker in my apartment?

dead

↓

That doesn't look good for me. I'm covered in blood.

↓

I mean, it's not good to have a dead hooker, right?

dead

↓

It would mess up our second acts a little bit.

second

↓

I'll tell you guys something, I smoked a little crack in the car on the way over.

↓

Oh, you bitch. Oh, does she still have any?

↓

- Yeah, yeah. - We can't leave her here.

↓

No, no, no. We can't leave her here.

↓

- Um... - Um...

↓

- Let's, uh... - Oh, God.

↓

Okay, well, I mean,

↓

I don't want to sound insensitive, but we could just put her out in the hall.

hall sound

↓

We call in an anonymous tip.

↓

- Someone finds her. - So we're still calling 911...

calling

↓

- Someone finds her and throws her away. - Just from a pay phone.

phone

↓

This seems like the best thing to do,

best seems

↓

considering the circumstances. Frank, what do you think?

frank

↓

I think Roxy would have wanted it that way.

roxy wanted

↓

- He would know. - Well, there you go.

↓

- Frank would know. - I mean, that's it.

frank

↓

- Yeah. - Can I say a few words?

words

↓

- Oh, I don't know. - Make it nice.

↓

- Let's make the whole thing nice. - Really?

whole

↓

Uh, I just want to get her out of here.

↓

Oh, nice.

↓

Roxy, God bless you.

roxy

↓

You were a good whore.

↓

You serviced me like no other whore ever did.

↓

Uh, not only my crank, but my heart.

heart

↓

And... I'm gonna miss ya.

miss

↓

Amen.

↓

So should we get the dead whore out of the apartment?

dead

↓

- Yeah. - Yeah, like outta here.

outta

↓

Pretty woman walkin' down the street

street woman

↓

Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet

meet woman

↓

Pretty woman

woman

↓

I don't believe you you're not the truth

believe truth

↓

No one could look as good as you

↓

Mercy

↓

Pretty woman, won't you pardon me?

woman

↓

Pretty woman, I couldn't help but see

woman

↓

Pretty woman

woman

↓

And you look lovely...