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Home » Abbott Elementary » S01E11 — Desking

Abbott Elementary

Season 1, Episode 11 — Desking

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Abbott Elementary

Episode title: Desking

Air date: March 29, 2022

Director: Melissa Kosar

Top billed cast: Quinta Brunson, Tyler James Williams, Sheryl Lee Ralph, Lisa Ann Walter, Chris Perfetti, Janelle James

When the students start participating in a new online trend that causes disruption to the school, the teachers band together to put an end to it. Meanwhile, Mr. Johnson provides comforting life advice to Gregory; and later, the teachers finally meet Jacob’s boyfriend, Zach, who joins in to help stop the students “desking.”

Source: TMDB

↓

-Ooh, pretty. -Oh, thanks.

thanks

↓

One of my students gave me this for some reason and --

reason students

↓

Hey, that's a nice sweater.

sweater

↓

Oh. Thank you, Myles.

↓

Uh, wow. A compliment,

↓

and it wasn't a set up for a punchline. (chuckles)

chuckles

↓

I know. I was waiting for, "Nice sweater.

sweater waiting

↓

Didn't know Bert and Ernie had a yard sale."

↓

But the kids have actually been really cool lately.

cool kids

↓

And, like, excited to learn?

excited learn

↓

Yeah. No, same. No misbehaving. The grades are up.

grades

↓

And I'm getting flowers, apparently.

↓

-Like, are we awake? (laughs) -You know what?

laughs

↓

I think we have finally earned their enthusiasm and respect.

finally respect

↓

(scoffs) Well, enthusiasm I hoped for, but respect?

respect scoffs

↓

One can only dream.

dream

↓

Hey, Vick, what's Gucci?

↓

-Ayy! -And great job on your quiz.

↓

Somebody's been putting in the work.

putting

↓

Anything for you, Mr. C!

↓

That was so cute.

cute

↓

Wait. Who is Mr. C?

↓

I don't know, but I'm not gonna push it.

push

↓

I don't want to ruin what we have by, like,

↓

asking a lot of questions, right?

asking questions

↓

AVA: Oh, there you are, Jacob.

jacob

↓

My auntie's dog needs her sweater back.

needs sweater

↓

(laughs)

laughs

↓

Got 'eem.

↓

(Maker's "Hold'em" playing)

holdem holdem-playing makers makers-holdem makers-holdem-playing playing

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

Great job, guys!

↓

All A's and B's!

↓

We're all superstars in this class.

class

↓

-(school bell rings) -Oh. All right, guys.

bell bell-rings rings school school-bell school-bell-rings

↓

Quietly and safely. Quietly and safely.

quietly

↓

It's been a long year with lots of ups and downs,

↓

but it was all worth it to get here.

↓

Looks like someone finally has this teaching thing figured out.

figured finally teaching

↓

Okay.

↓

(chuckles)

chuckles

↓

Looks like someone forgot where the floor was.

floor forgot

↓

(chuckles) Let me get some paper towel and clean that up.

chuckles clean paper

↓

Wait. What...

↓

What the...?

↓

Who did this?

↓

And I told my neighbor, I said,

↓

"If you call 311 on a native tree,

↓

they are gonna rip it out

↓

without so much as even consulting an arborist."

↓

And the hilarious thing about all this --

↓

Nope.

nope

↓

The hilarious things is, the number for 311 isn't even 311 --

number

↓

Jacob, please. Stop.

jacob

↓

I'm sorry. It's not you.

↓

Not me.

↓

"Jacob, stop" could have meant, like, any Jacob.

jacob

↓

It's just, I had the whole, um, principal job

principal whole

↓

as my only goal for awhile,

↓

and finding out that that's not happening anytime soon

↓

has got me thinking about a lot.

thinking

↓

No. I get it.

↓

Yeah, not in the mood for a story.

story

↓

Got it.

↓

Hey. You guys want to hear something weird?

weird

↓

Janine, read the room.

janine read room

↓

We are not in the mood for that.

↓

Okay, well, then I won't tell you

↓

I found shoe prints on my desks.

desks found shoe

↓

Wait, no.

↓

You found shoe prints on your desks?

desks found shoe

↓

Yeah. That's weird, right?

weird

↓

-Yeah. -Wait, hold up.

↓

I found some shoe prints on my desks, too.

desks found shoe

↓

I paid it dust.

↓

It's not the weirdest thing I've found on my desks.

desks found

↓

Yeah. I found some, too.

found

↓

I thought I was going crazy.

crazy

↓

Wait, so other people have found shoe prints

found shoe

↓

-in their classrooms? -Yeah.

↓

-Yeah. -Yeah.

↓

Well, nothing's going on in my classroom.

classroom

↓

My desks are as clean as a whistle.

clean desks

↓

So, wait, if this is happening to everybody

everybody

↓

except Barbara, then what's going on?

barbara except

↓

-It's weird. -I mean, no idea.

idea weird

↓

I know what's going on, and it's bad.

bad

↓

In fact, I've been praying that it wouldn't breach our walls.

fact walls

↓

-Ghosts. -It's called desking.

called

↓

It's a new online challenge

↓

where kids jump from desktop to desktop.

kids

↓

Heard about it last week through the custodial network.

heard week

↓

Mm.

↓

(children shouting)

children children-shouting shouting

↓

These videos are everywhere.

videos

↓

Mr. Ronson over at West Adams Elementary

elementary west

↓

said he's been cleaning desks for weeks.

desks weeks

↓

-Ohh. -Oh, geez.

↓

STUDENT: Go! Go! Go! You got this!

student

↓

Oh, my God! There's hundreds of these!

hundreds

↓

This is horrible!

↓

This can't be what's happening here, though, right?

↓

I mean, our kids respect us too much.

kids respect

↓

(laughs)

laughs

↓

Someone could really get hurt here.

hurt

↓

I've already been hurt.

hurt

↓

I know about every Internet trend.

↓

How did I not find out about this?

↓

(sighs) We need to get to the bottom of this.

sighs

↓

You know what? I bet you I can get a shoe print.

shoe

↓

Did you clean your desks off yet?

clean desks

↓

-No. -Nasty.

↓

Okay, does anybody know shoes?

anybody shoes

↓

My boyfriend, Zach, is a total sneaker-head.

boyfriend head zach

↓

He -- He loves shoes more than anything.

shoes

↓

Well, except ya boy. (chuckles)

chuckles except

↓

That's me. I'm "ya boy."

↓

Okay. It doesn't look like anything I can find online.

↓

When's your shoe guy get here?

shoe

↓

Uh, he is on his way.

↓

So this Zach, he lives with you?

lives zach

↓

Yeah. He just moved in last month.

month moved

↓

And that's going well?

↓

Yep. He's so great.

↓

So he knew you and was like...more?

↓

Well, I think he sounds like a really neat guy, right?

sounds

↓

-Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. -Sure. Yeah.

↓

-Heyyy. There's my guy. -Black?!

black

↓

It's actually pronounced "Zach." You must be Ava.

must zach

↓

You were all thinking it.

thinking

↓

I see you. Don't look at me like that.

↓

We always look at you like this.

↓

It's very nice to meet you, Zach.

meet zach

↓

(chuckles) Well, if it isn't my pizza crust queen.

chuckles pizza queen

↓

(both laugh)

laugh

↓

We went out to eat last week and I ate all his pizza crust.

pizza week

↓

I don't like to waste food.

food

↓

Wait, is this our desker?

↓

Yes.

yes

↓

Huh.

↓

Huh? What -- What do you mean by "huh"?

↓

It looked smaller in the pic.

looked

↓

This is way too big to be a second grader.

second

↓

-They laughing in our faces. -Mm-hmm.

faces laughing

↓

If this was a small adult sneaker,

↓

it increases the make and model options significantly.

options

↓

He's so smart. (chuckles)

chuckles smart

↓

We came in 3rd at trivia night last week over at Oscar's.

night week

↓

You know, down by Rittenhouse.

↓

We were eliminated on a technicality,

↓

but Sri Lanka, if you didn't know --

↓

Honey, where is this story going?

honey story

↓

Are we focusing on the task at hand?

hand

↓

Mnh. No, we're not. I'm so sorry. Please continue.

continue

↓

Did he just stop Jacob from being...himself?

jacob

↓

Can we put him in glass and break in case of emergency?

break case emergency

↓

All right, let's get to work.

↓

They say the first 48 hours are the most important.

hours

↓

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

↓

Are those the black and grey asymmetric midsoles?

black

↓

I decided to be adventurous and wear sneakers today.

decided today

↓

Sick.

sick

↓

(snaps fingers)

fingers

↓

-All right. -Okay. Thank you.

↓

-I like him. -Mm.

↓

Still don't know how he lives with Jacob.

jacob lives

↓

You think his neck gets tired from all the nodding?

↓

Mm-hmm.

↓

(school bell rings)

bell bell-rings rings school school-bell school-bell-rings

↓

Just got an e-mail from Zach. Subject: "You're welcome."

mail welcome zach

↓

-Ooh. -Oh.

↓

Oh, we about to bust this case wide open.

case open

↓

Uh...okay.

↓

He says that while he initially leaned Jordan 5s,

↓

the faint line at the mid-arch

line

↓

indicates a swoosh and not the Jumpman logo --

↓

Okay. Scroll. Scroll.

↓

-Is there a picture? -Yeah.

picture

↓

-Oh. -Ooh.

↓

Okay, well, this is great.

↓

All we have to do is look at the kids' feet,

feet kids

↓

which is something I would say we normally wouldn't do, but...

normally

↓

No. We don't.

↓

'Cause I've only seen those on two kids --

kids seen

↓

Brianna and Stefon.

↓

Yeah, but let's not rush out and make accusations.

↓

AVA: I'm coming for you!

coming

↓

Okay, let's split 'em up and make 'em sing.

↓

Two of you take Stefon, the other two take Brianna.

↓

Right. Good cop, bad cop.

bad

↓

You know, it's interesting that they say "good cop, bad cop,"

bad interesting

↓

because policing in this country is so broken,

↓

it's really just "bad cop, bad cop."

bad

↓

-Janine, you're with him. -Got it.

janine

↓

Look, Stefon, I get it.

↓

I was a kid once.

↓

But you and I both know this is gonna end,

↓

and when it does, you don't wanna be the one

↓

left holding the bag.

left

↓

'Cause that's exactly what's gonna happen

happen

↓

when your friend over there starts talking.

friend starts

↓

I bet she ratting you out right now

↓

like a little Fredo Corleone.

↓

So I would talk if I were you.

↓

'Cause you don't want me sending you over to

↓

Ms. Teagues and Mr. Hill.

hill teagues

↓

I don't think you'd like what's going on in that room.

room

↓

Look, sometimes, sometimes, the right thing is fun.

sometimes

↓

(chuckles)

chuckles

↓

So why don't you tell us who started this

started

↓

and who's doing it?

↓

You know, doesn't that sound fun?

sound

↓

Okay, kid.

↓

First one to talk, first one to walk.

walk

↓

How'd those shoes get on that desk?

howd shoes

↓

-Name names! -Yeah, name names.

name

↓

TikTok, Twitch, Discord?

↓

Just tell me where they setting them trends

↓

-and you can leave. -Yeah.

↓

No. We got to get a confession.

↓

Squeal, and you can Dipset like Cam'ron.

↓

You know what? One second.

second

↓

(quietly) Okay. She's not talking.

quietly

↓

Okay. Uh, let me try something, okay?

↓

Um... (chuckles)

chuckles

↓

You look a little thirsty.

↓

Oh, look what I found.

found

↓

A nice, cold, refreshing juice.

cold juice

↓

I bet you'd like some juice.

juice

↓

-I'm fine. -Oh, okay.

↓

'Cause me? I'm thirsty.

↓

(quietly) I can't get it in.

quietly

↓

You -- You have to twist it.

↓

Yeah. No. I can -- I can do it myself.

↓

Ah.

↓

Oh.

↓

I'm sorry, you tired?

↓

Want some coffee?

coffee

↓

'Cause I can do this all day, kid.

↓

I got all the time in the world.

world

↓

No, we don't.

↓

Tell me who started this viral sensation,

started

↓

or I swear to God...

↓

-Boy, if you test me. -Okay, Ava, let's go outside.

↓

-Don't you play with me, boy. -Now, Ava.

↓

Can't believe neither of them talked.

believe talked

↓

I'm actually sort of proud.

proud

↓

All right, let 'em out.

↓

All right, let's go.

↓

We're gonna figure this out, you guys.

figure

↓

Yeah. Somebody's gonna slip up.

↓

It's out of your control, oldhead.

control oldhead

↓

Abbott's gonna be number one in this challenge.

number

↓

Wait. You're trying to be number one in all of Philly?

number philly

↓

-In all of the United States. -Of America.

america

↓

It's bigger than you can imagine.

bigger

↓

Bigger than me. Bigger than you.

bigger

↓

You'll never stop this.

↓

-Okay. Get back to class. -Yeah.

class

↓

No problem.

problem

↓

(whispering) That's where the desks are.

desks whispering

↓

Okay, since none of the kids are talking,

kids

↓

we gotta catch one of them in the act.

catch

↓

Then we flip that kid, follow it up to the top.

↓

Who wants to go fishing?

wants

↓

Okay.

↓

Well, nobody is jumping up on my desks,

desks nobody

↓

so this is feeling like y'all's problem.

feeling problem

↓

I could do a 21 Jump Street kind of thing.

street

↓

If I put on the right hat, I could pull off 13.

pull

↓

I don't think so. (chuckles)

chuckles

↓

How about we get you some platform shoes

shoes

↓

-and you can pull off 12. -Okay.

pull

↓

I can catch one of 'em.

catch

↓

Haven't done this kind of fishing in a minute.

minute

↓

Let's go.

↓

I didn't volunteer.

↓

A stakeout needs two people. Think, boy.

needs

↓

Who's gonna watch all the crime stuff

stuff watch

↓

while the other one eats a hoagie?

hoagie

↓

-I... -(door opens)

door door-opens opens

↓

We're going about this all wrong.

↓

You know, you don't build a dam

build

↓

in the middle of a rushing river.

middle

↓

You build it before the water comes.

build comes water

↓

That is so wise.

↓

What the hell are you talking about?

↓

If we talk to the younger kids about the dangers of desking

kids

↓

and how it actually isn't cool beans,

cool

↓

then we stop the desking before the flood.

↓

And I think they'll listen to us,

↓

because they don't look at us as teachers and students.

students teachers

↓

We've built bonds this year that are deeper than that.

built

↓

-Oh, please. -That's not gonna work.

↓

-I think that's a great idea. -Not in a million years. Okay,

idea years

↓

-we get a kid to rat, okay? -BARBARA: Uh-huh.

barbara

↓

I FaceTimed my own iPad from my phone

phone

↓

and left my phone in Janine's room

left phone room

↓

-so we could survey the scene. -Ah.

↓

This ain't my first rodeo, hombre.

aint

↓

(chuckles) I've staken out before.

chuckles

↓

You stake out other classrooms?

↓

No, you creep.

↓

I did private investigator work back in the day.

↓

You were a private investigator before a custodian?

↓

No, before I worked at the rodeo.

worked

↓

Oh. Sorry.

↓

I just -- I thought that, you know...

↓

What, that I've been a custodian my whole life?

life whole

↓

No, man.

↓

I worked as a pipe fitter,

worked

↓

a minor league baseball bunting coach,

coach

↓

a tastefully nude model, sold RVs for summer.

summer

↓

Might find a new path after this.

might

↓

Wait, you never dreamed of just doing one thing?

↓

Sure, I have.

↓

But a dream can be a distraction

dream

↓

just as easy as it can be a goal.

easy

↓

We got movement!

↓

Show yourself, coward!

↓

Aw, man, it's just Janine and Jacob.

jacob janine

↓

Let's go.

↓

No one's gonna go desking with teachers in the room.

ones room teachers

↓

JANINE: All right!

janine

↓

Interesting.

interesting

↓

So, we have gathered you here today, dearly B-students...

students today

↓

(chuckles) Get it?

chuckles

↓

Okay. Keep going. We knew it was 50/50.

↓

Yeah. We are here today to talk about desking.

today

↓

What's desking?

↓

Ah, good question.

question

↓

Desking is getting from one side of the classroom to the other

classroom

↓

by hopping on the tops of desks.

desks

↓

I never heard of it.

heard

↓

I wanna do it!

↓

Is she messing with you,

messing

↓

or are we just teaching more kids what it is?

kids teaching

↓

No, no, no, no.

↓

Look, is desking cool beans?

cool

↓

Sure, it is. Right?

↓

But me and my dawg here...

↓

(barks)

↓

...are not here to lie to you

↓

and pretend that desking isn't cool.

cool

↓

But guess what's maybe even more cool?

cool

↓

Huh?

↓

(cheers and applause)

applause cheers

↓

Okay! Are you hearing this?

hearing

↓

-Teamwork! -Teamwork!

↓

(cheers and applause)

applause cheers

↓

-It went great! -It really did.

↓

I mean, I'm surprised,

↓

-but also not surprised. -(cellphone rings)

cellphone rings

↓

-The kids were so invested -- -Hello.

kids

↓

Hey, I'm sending you a video that you need to watch.

video watch

↓

Wait, wait. Why are you FaceTiming me? I'm at work.

↓

'Cause I want to be referenced in the story

story

↓

when you tell it later.

↓

-Love you, bye! -Uh...

love

↓

Oh, my God. Zach has been so great during all of this.

zach

↓

I know. He can get a little obsessive, but...

↓

-Well, so can you. -Me? No.

↓

No, Zach calls me "lovingly over-passionate."

zach

↓

You know what? That's wonderful.

↓

Oh, my God, it's a video of you and me from just now.

video

↓

Oh! Oh, my God.

↓

Like two minutes ago? That's so cool.

cool minutes

↓

The kids are already spreading our message!

kids

↓

(cheers and applause)

applause cheers

↓

Yep, there they are, spreading your message.

↓

AVA: Aw, man. Why am I not getting these videos?

videos

↓

I've done everything I possibly can

↓

to make my phone think I'm 22.

phone

↓

I haven't used capital letters in years.

used years

↓

My God. I cannot believe they betrayed our trust.

believe cannot cannot-believe trust

↓

Okay, all right, we need -- we need to just

↓

make sure that this is an isolated incident and --

↓

-(door opens) -Yeah.

door door-opens opens

↓

Sweet baby Jesus, and the grown one, too!

baby sweet

↓

My desks have been desked!

desks

↓

-They got you? -Mm-hmm.

↓

Oh, this is bad.

bad

↓

-Mnh! -Their fault.

fault

↓

They went on a desking promotional tour.

tour

↓

-No, uh -- -What have you done?

↓

-All right. -Guys?

↓

They have made fools of us.

↓

I really thought that they looked at us

looked

↓

as more than just teachers but, like, friends.

friends teachers

↓

Maybe that's the problem.

problem

↓

They like us so much,

↓

they've forgotten that we're authority figures.

↓

Whoa.

whoa

↓

We're actually too cool for school.

cool school

↓

Mm-hmm. And now this thing is spreading everywhere.

↓

-We are losing control. -We're out of moves.

control losing moves

↓

You lose Barbara, you lose the war.

barbara lose

↓

We might have one move left.

left might

↓

We can tell the school district.

district school school-district

↓

This is happening all over the city.

city

↓

-Of Philadelphia. -Yeah.

philadelphia

↓

So they will bring that hammer down

bring

↓

and put an end to all this.

↓

(inhales sharply)

sharply

↓

Do we really want to become narcs?

become

↓

I prefer "heroes."

prefer

↓

-So they were receptive? -Oh, very receptive.

↓

They don't want to be sued

↓

if some kid slips and falls on a desk.

↓

Hey, Ally, what -- what are you doing?

↓

You ain't hear?

aint

↓

The school district's making us take all our desks

desks school

↓

-out of our classrooms. -AVA: Somebody snitched.

somebody

↓

Told the school district that we have some dangerous viral trend

district school school-district

↓

that could leave the city at risk for "legal culpability."

city

↓

All because I wasn't trying to solve the problem at all.

problem

↓

What idiot thought the school district was gonna help?

district idiot school school-district

↓

Huh. What -- Yeah, what well-intentioned idiot?

idiot

↓

Get all your desks to the gym

desks

↓

until this whole thing blows over

whole

↓

or there's some new trend that I don't hear about

↓

because life is a joke, people.

life

↓

Come on. Hurry up.

hurry

↓

Who knows when those kids'll start arriving.

knows start

↓

They get here at 7:30.

↓

Every day? That's wild.

↓

Janine, how many times is tattling

janine times

↓

gonna bite you in the culo before you quit being a narc?

quit

↓

Mm. I am too old to be doing all of this.

↓

At least you guys are on the same floor as the gym.

floor

↓

Look, guys, I know this is a minor inconvenience,

↓

but at least we stopped desking.

stopped

↓

-Right? Yay! -Mm.

↓

Or we've created the greatest desking arena ever known to man.

greatest

↓

What fresh hell is this?

↓

Oh, Janine.

janine

↓

It's like desking Six Flags!

↓

We are just leading the children into temptation, like Satan.

children

↓

Mm-hmm.

↓

Is it that bad?

bad

↓

I think if I was a young person who was interested in desking,

person young

↓

it might, you know, call to me.

might

↓

Relax, y'all. I've been refreshing all my feeds,

yall

↓

and we're in the clear.

clear

↓

There's no way the kids know about this.

kids

↓

You sure about that?

↓

(electronic voice) By the end of the week,

voice week

↓

I will desk the Abbott Elementary Gym.

abbott abbott-elementary elementary

↓

(door squeaks open)

door open

↓

-Oh, nooooo. -No!

↓

Okay, look. No, no, no. No.

↓

Don't worry, don't worry, because we'll just take turns

worry

↓

-guarding the entrance. -No!

↓

Why is my Internet not sending me anything cool?

cool

↓

I should have gotten that video before Mr. Johnson.

gotten johnson video

↓

No offense, boo. (chuckles)

chuckles

↓

It is not your phone, Ava.

phone

↓

You are not one of them. You are not a Jojo Sea-bass.

↓

You mean JoJo Siwa?

↓

I don't know what I mean, Janine.

janine

↓

That's the point.

point

↓

But I do know that you all need to stop pretending

↓

like you can relate to these children.

children

↓

Because when you do, it just seems sad, desperate,

seems

↓

and embarrassing.

↓

Mm.

↓

You heard Barbara. Y'all are embarrassing.

barbara heard yall

↓

I know your plan. Move it along.

along plan

↓

That face don't work on me.

face

↓

Need a partner for this shift?

↓

Oh, no. I'm good.

↓

Just need two men for a stakeout and a foot chase.

foot

↓

Right.

↓

All right, what do you want?

↓

You remember what you were talking about?

remember

↓

-Nope. -(chuckles)

chuckles nope

↓

About having a lot of jobs.

having jobs

↓

You ever have an experience where you wanted a different job

experience wanted

↓

than the one you were at?

↓

You liked the one that you were at,

liked

↓

but since it's not the one that you thought you wanted,

wanted

↓

you're a little conflicted?

↓

If you think I'm some sort of Black Yoda...

black

↓

Hmm, then correct you would be, Padawan.

correct

↓

You got to be open for what life brings you.

life open

↓

If I'd kept aiming for that one job

↓

I wanted so much when I was your age,

wanted

↓

you'd be looking at a very unfulfilled operations manager

looking

↓

at Uncle Bradley's Baked Beans.

↓

Damn, I wanted that job.

wanted

↓

Must have had some good benefits.

must

↓

And a ladder straight to the top.

ladder straight

↓

-Yeah. -But, hey,

↓

without that rejection,

↓

I never would have found out the stuff that I love.

found love stuff

↓

Yeah, man. I really wanted to be principal.

principal wanted

↓

(chuckles)

chuckles

↓

Then it didn't happen and...

happen

↓

and now I think I'm mad.

↓

You got plenty of time, youngin'.

↓

JANINE: Attentions, please!

janine

↓

(chuckles)

chuckles

↓

I really felt like I was bonding with these kids

bonding kids

↓

and that they liked me,

liked

↓

and as much as I felt that,

↓

and as much as Ava wants to be cool,

cool wants

↓

Barbara was right.

barbara

↓

Kids will always think teachers are lame.

kids teachers

↓

Can't fight that, but we can use it.

fight

↓

Once I do this and those kids see it,

kids

↓

desking will be corny and over.

↓

Jacob, we rolling?

jacob

↓

-(rhythmic clapping) -MELISSA: Kill it!

kill melissa

↓

You got this, Janine.

janine

↓

-Whoo! (whistles) -Don't -- Don't say that.

whistles whoo

↓

-I don't believe that she does. -No. She's got it.

believe

↓

-She's not very coordinated. -She's gonna kill it.

kill

↓

-Oh! -(thud)

↓

-God. -And she's down.

↓

Oh. Oh. I'm okay. No. Ow. I'm okay.

↓

Ow. No, no, no. I can still do this.

↓

You know, this is my Kerri Strug moment.

moment

↓

No, it's your "stay down and let me get you some ice" moment.

moment

↓

Okay? Y-Your ankle's blowing up.

↓

You're not gonna be walking, let alone desking.

alone

↓

But someone has to do this.

↓

Someone the kids will think is really lame.

kids

↓

-You got this, Jacob. -Yes.

jacob yes

↓

Come on, man.

↓

Hey. I got your sneakers.

↓

I've been begging him to wear these.

↓

These are the Honeydews.

↓

Now, some people think that this color is sea glass,

↓

but that's completely ignoring the history of the entire --

entire history

↓

Babe, babe, task at hand.

hand

↓

Ah. You're right. I'm doing it again.

↓

Anyways, the point is these were built for comfort and speed.

built point speed

↓

Also, I brought your shorts.

brought

↓

Oh, thanks, babe.

thanks

↓

So, just out of curiosity, how'd you guys meet?

howd meet

↓

Ohh, I was in a late night line for sneakers,

late line night

↓

and he was there protesting the inhumane work conditions

↓

of the place making the sneakers.

place

↓

I got the limited edition Smokey-Foams and a man that day.

↓

Oh. I get it now.

↓

I forget that Black people can also be annoying.

annoying black forget

↓

-What'd you say? -(chuckles)

chuckles whatd

↓

(indistinct conversations)

conversations indistinct indistinct-conversations

↓

Hey, what's everyone watching?

watching

↓

Yo, some white boul desked the gym!

boul white

↓

-Check it! -STUDENT: Whoa!

check student whoa

↓

He's wearing the Honeydew suedes.

wearing

↓

(breathing heavily)

↓

Abbott Ultimate Desking Challenge.

abbott

↓

Done! Teacher style.

style teacher

↓

-Whoa, what the -- -Whew!

whew whoa

↓

Is that Mr. C?

↓

Desking's deaded.

↓

I can't believe the video worked.

believe video worked

↓

Yeah. Those kids do not want to be us.

kids

↓

You know, the fact that we are doing this well

fact

↓

without clout propping us up is some good old-fashioned

↓

being-pretty-darn-good- at-our-jobs.

jobs

↓

Yeah. You're right.

↓

But imagine what it'll be like

itll

↓

when we actually do get them to think we're cool.

cool

↓

-- Captioned by VITAC --

captioned vitac