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Home » Idiocracy » S01E01 — Idiocracy

Idiocracy

Season 1, Episode 1 — Idiocracy

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- [ Cheering ] - Yeah!
cheering
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What the hell's wrong with you? That's your car.
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[ Frito ] Oh, hell, yeah! He's on fire!
firefrito
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Come on! Let's get out of here.
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[ Rita ] Hey, how much farther is it?
rita
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Uh, it's, like, far.
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Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, you know?
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Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a hand job, Joe.
hand
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* Better than Superman Faster than an airplane *
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Man, he don't seem too bright. You sure he knows where he's going?
brightknows
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I sure hope so. He's our only chance.
chancehope
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- * And fuckin' inflexible * - How'd you hook up with this guy, anyway?
howd
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He's my lawyer. And he's not a very good one either.
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[ Joe ] He's a goddamned idiot.
idiot
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There's a shuttle down in the Costco. It'll drop us right by the time machine.
dropitllmachineshuttle
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Jesus Christ. Oh, look. One more thing.
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He thinks he's gonna get billions of dollars if he takes us there.
takesthinks
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So if he mentions anything about a savings account, just play along, okay?
accountalong
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Yeah, what if this time machine don't work?
machine
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Then I'll spend the rest of my life trying to fix it.
liferestspend
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Welcome to Costco. I love you. Welcome to Costco. I love you.
lovewelcome
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Welcome to Costco. I love you.
lovewelcome
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[ Goats Bleating ] [ Duck Quacking ]
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Shuttle's down there in electronics, about an hour from here.
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[ Rita ] We've been walking forever. You sure you know where you're going?
foreverrita
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Yeah, I know this place pretty good. I went to law school here.
placeschool
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In Costco?
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Yeah. I couldn't believe it myself.
believe
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Luckily, my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings.
pulled
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Hey, come on, Joe. I already told you,
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we'd all like a hand job, but we don't have time for it.
hand
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[ Woman ] Hey, baby, wanna go out?
babywoman
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Wanna go out, honey?
honey
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Shuttle comes every few minutes. Shouldn't be long.
comesminutesshuttle
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- Do I got time to use the bathroom? - [ Laughing ]
laughing
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[ Imitates Farting, Chuckles ]
chuckles
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[ Frito ] Uh, the toilet. Be right back.
fritotoilet
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Yeah, back that thing up.
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Hey, you mind if I pound on that, Joe? What?
mind
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I like having sex with chicks. Yeah?
having
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Yeah. I think everybody does, Frito.
everybodyfrito
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Not like I do. Like when you get it like this, sideways.
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Then you just, like, back it up. And then you--
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- That's real good. - Then you-- Oh, yeah!
real
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Stop! You're gonna get us caught, okay?
caught
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[ Alarm Blaring ] [ Electronic Voice ] Warning! Warning!
voice
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Costco has detected a dangerous fugitive in aisle 16,702.
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Hey! What about Rita? We can't just leave her here.
rita