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Home » Idiocracy » S01E01 — Idiocracy

Idiocracy

Season 1, Episode 1 — Idiocracy

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Okay, her pod's up here on the right. She shouldn't be far away, I hope.
hope
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Mmm, girl. Oh, yeah? So when we gonna do it?
girl
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'Cause you been chargin' me by the hour, and it's been, like, three days.
daysthree
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Oh, yeah. Soon, baby, soon. Hey, you know what?
baby
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Why don't you come back tomorrow?
tomorrow
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Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah! Yeah?
baby
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When I finally utilize you, you gonna be paying me.
finally
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That's right. Whatever you say, sir.
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- Hey, you still on the clock! - Yeah, girl.
girl
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Thank you! Rita!
rita
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Rita! It's me, Joe, from the experiment. Get in the car! Come on.
rita
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Oh, yeah! What the hell, man?
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Just get in the car. I'll explain everything.
explain
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Where we going? Just get in the car.
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Trust me. What happened to those army guys?
happenedtrust
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[ Siren Blaring ] Wait a minute. You got cops after you?
minute
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Yeah. And you made me get in the car? I got two strikes, asshole!
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Frito, take a right here. Right, right!
frito
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Into that dust storm, Frito.
frito
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[ Joe ] They must have just forgotten about us.
must
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[ Rita ] It's been 500 years? Oh, hell, no!
ritayears
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Upgrayedd is gonna kill me! He gets mad when I'm a day late with his money!
killlatemoneyupgrayedd
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So, you owe your boyfriend money?
boyfriendmoney
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Well, yeah, he's sort of my manager too.
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You know, he helps me sell the paintings and shit.
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Look, Rita, you gotta understand that Upgrayedd's been dead for a long time now.
deadrita
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- Yeah, man, but you said there was a time machine, right? - Yeah.
machine
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Yeah, there's a time machine now that can take us back to the past,
machinepast
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but there was no time machine back then, so--
machine
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Upgrayedd don't care where the time machine is. Now, then, last week--
caremachineupgrayeddweek
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He will find a way to come get his money!
money
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- All I'm saying is you don't have to worry about it-- - You know what?
worry
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Last time you told me not to worry was 500 goddamn years ago...
worryyears
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when you were trying to tell me to get into some coffin.
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- Look, Rita, I don't know how this happened, okay? - [ Buzzing ]
buzzinghappenedrita
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But I'm doing everything I can to get us back there, okay? I promise you.
promise
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[ Electronic Voice ] You are harboring a fugitive by the name of Not Sure.
namevoice
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Please, pull over and wait for the police to incarcerate your passenger.
pull
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Hell, no. You know what? Let me outta here. Thank you for your help.
outta
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If you don't have one of these, they're gonna throw you in jail.
throw
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You don't want to get thrown in the jails here. I've been in them.
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They're bad. You're better off being with us, as bad as that sounds.
badsounds
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- What are you doing? Why are we slowing down? - Turned off my battery.
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Look, how far is it? Can we just take a cab or something?
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[ Machine-gun Fire ]
firemachine
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Oh, shit.
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[ Explosion ]
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Oh! Oh, shit!