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Home » Idiocracy » S01E01 — Idiocracy

Idiocracy

Season 1, Episode 1 — Idiocracy

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Says here you, uh, robbed a hospital?
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Why'd you do that? Yeah. I'm not guilty.
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That's not what the other lawyer said. What do you mean what the--
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Listen, you gotta get me on the stand, okay?
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I can explain everything. We can take 'em to your house, show 'em the pod.
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Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
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Now, prosecutor, why you think he done it?
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Okay, number one, Your Honor, just look at him.
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[ All Laughing ]
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He talks like a fag too. [ Laughing Continues ]
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And "B," we've got all this, like, evidence...
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of how, like, this guy didn't even pay at the hospital.
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And I heard that he doesn't even have his tattoo.
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- [ Crowd Grumbling ] - I know!
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And I'm all, "You've gotta be shittin' me." But check this out, man.
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Judge should be like, "Guilty." Peace.
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[ Crowd Cheering ]
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- Objection! - What are you objectifyin' on?
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Come on. Just get me on the stand. Okay.
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- Um, Your Honor? - Hmm?
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I object...
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that this guy also broke my apartment to shit.
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- Yeah. - What?
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And you know what else? I object that he's not gonna have any money to pay me...
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after he pays back all the money he stole from the hospital!
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Don't say I stole. You're my lawyer.
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And I object.
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I object that he interrupted me while I was watching Ow! My Balls!
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- [ All Booing ] - That is not okay! And I rest my case!
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Your Honor, I'm pretty sure we have a mistrial here, sir.
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- I'm gonna mistrial my foot up your ass, you don't shut up. - [ All Laughing ]
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- Please, listen. - "Please, listen."
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- [ All Laughing ] - I didn't steal anything.
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I was part of an army experiment--
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[ Narrator ] Joe stated his case logically and passionately,
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but his perceived effeminate voice only drew big gales of stupid laughter.
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- Guilty! - [ Crowd Cheering ]
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Without adequate legal representation, Joe was given a stiff sentence.
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Meanwhile, Rita had awakened to find that the world's oldest profession...
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was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons.
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[ Female Voice ] Welcome to AOL, Time Warner, Taco Bell, U.S. Government long distance.
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Please say the name of the person you wish to call.
namepersonwish
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Upgrayedd.
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There are 9,726 listings for Upgrayedd.
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Please deposit $2,000 to begin connection.
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Man, what? Oh, yeah, baby.
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Hey, look, can you just-- can you wait a second, please?
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Oh, yeah, baby. I can wait so good.
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